Royal Blues

I Have Visitors

2009-04-07T10:54:00.002-05:00

It seems strange to me to realize that, after a couple of years of inactivity, there's actually been an increase in the number of people that both link to and visit your humble editor here at Royal Blues. I'm not sure what to make of that.

If everything rolls the right way, I may even present a live blog of opening day today. I'm sure you have to be thrilled..

Something Unexpected

2009-04-06T15:08:00.004-05:00

I am updating this blog.

No, it's true!

I've actually tried really hard the last couple of hours to get rid of the retina-scorching bright blue background, and have learned that it takes me longer than that to figure out how to change the crappy html I coded a few years ago in my (one) grand upgrade to this thing.

Anyway, let's start again (I'll fix the blue later). I'm Joe, and I like the Royals. That seems to be a much more popular sentiment than it was 5-6 years ago, when I started this blog. Royal fandom has taken me through a lot the last few years. Mostly, I've learned that there is a solid core of Royals fans that will always be there (as there is for any team). Some of them are very old school, and well versed on the basics. They like to stick to that. Some of them are completely new school, and very adamant about the newer metrics. They, also, like to stick to that. I am entirely in the middle, which is a position I, honestly, can't seem to find much of anywhere.

I was forefront in celebrating the new sabermetric way of thinking. I loved the idea that there would be more thought, more detailed thinking about what happens on a baseball field. It seemed to be a new, very much open-minded way of looking at the game. Supposedly. Of course, ideas like getting on base and slugging for a high percentage being good were pretty obvious to most intelligent baseball fans (and had been for quite some time). Still, the fact that those types of ideas seemed to be finally bubbling to the surface for most fans to grasp on to definitely felt like a step forward for baseball..

That was before everybody (and their grandma) became SABR experts, and started telling you how wrong you were about every pitcher that didn't strike out enough batters, or hitters that didn't have a high enough OBP. Since defensive metrics are pretty rough at this point, defense (amazingly!) takes a backseat in every armchair baseball expert's opinion. Strange how that works. It's amazingly hard for someone who knows all about the finer points of sabermetric analysis, yet still appreciates the science behind scouting, to find a place of agreement with anyone in cyberspace. The idea of being on the outside of conventional thinking is to, you know, not simply accept the conventional thinking of the day. I don't see that really happening on the current baseball message boards these days. You're either a SABR fiend, or a neanderthal..

Anyway, if I haven't alienated 2 of my remaining 3 readers already, here's a few things about the newly revived blog:

1) It will never be updated daily
2) It will never reflect someone else's way of thinking.

How many message board posters can you think of that can even promise that?

That's all I can promise, anyway. Otherwise, it's basically my thoughts on the Royals. And baseball. And my other baseball team. And shit in general.

As far as the old posts: They'll stay. Embarassing as some of them may be.

Thanks,
Joe

I need some brain damage, and I need it now..

2007-03-03T01:53:00.000-06:00

I've been waiting 2 ½ years to finally be able to draft people for my baseball team.

Of course, it's 1:45 A.M. the night before, and I'm just now creating my evaluation sheets..

(I believe this also signals that I'm back now. Three of you rejoice!)

Good Night,
Joe Blow

"...and the St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series!"

2006-10-28T00:41:00.000-05:00

That's enough to make you puke. Plus some.

When we last left our hero..

2005-12-08T16:21:00.000-06:00

I deserted you with an abrupt lack of posting about the Royals season that I, you know, wasn't really even talking about anymore. That much was ok (did anybody even notice?). But leaving you without a conclusion to my adult baseball league team's season...now, that just wasn't right.

We'll fix that in a bit. In the meantime, a little reason behind my extended disappearance: I, uh, didn't wanna write about the Royals anymore? Nah, that couldn't really be it. Hard as I try, there's actually a limit to how little I can care about this team, and it bottoms out right around "must find out what happened to them at least a few times daily". I'm afraid that unless they move or go away (or something equally catastrophic), I'm stuck actually clamoring to know what they do.

Truth is (as you've noticed before) this site gets shoved to the back burner to simmer quietly now and then, when I run out of time, or get lazy, or the Royals lose another set of 100+. It shouldn't, but if I promised you otherwise – well, I wouldn't do that. Because I know what'll happen when I get frustrated and then never get around to posting for a while and...well, you've seen that happen.

Oh yeah, I also moved to Chicago. Remember last season's debacle in anaheim? That will be my new place at every Royals game: hostile invader, rooting for the enemy (a.k.a. "glutton for punishment"). A new experience for me, certainly, but...how it has to be if I want to see the Royals in person in 2006. And, despite the fact that most of the games at U.S. Cellular next year involving the Royals just had to be on weeknights, I will definitely be there a few times (at least there's a game on my birthday in August). I will miss the $7 tickets and 60% empty stadium in KC, but I will get to see the world champions in action (*gasp* *puke* ugh..). I'm afraid I also won't be able to bring my grand Anti-Jermaine Dye sign I've had planned for a while to the stadium as I always wanted to do in KC, but, uhh...dammit! I just remembered that..

Anyway, I'll get to the Royals in another post. I mean, with the breaking news lately – Mark Redman! Elmer Dessens! Esteban German! – there will certainly be time to cry about every transaction the Royals agonized over. (For the record, I actually think all 3 are pretty decent moves, but what would a Royals discussion be without 99% of everybody slamming them for idiocy?)

Anyway, next post will bring the long-sought conclusion to Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League for 2005. Thrilling, to say the least..

Awakeningly,
Joe Blow

Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League (JBABL) Update #7

2005-07-30T01:20:00.000-05:00

I owe you an update.

yes: all three of you. you are getting the sad remnants of my grand idea of keeping track of my adult baseball league team. honestly, between you and me, the 'lil lady kind of kills my online time once I get home and -- wait, you laughing at me? -- anyway, honestly, I kind of forget what I've done from game to game (it's all pretty similar, for the most part). and, seeing as how just about every game seems very similar, stats aren't my strong point at this point. yeah, it's sad to say – I mean, if I was single and lonely, I'd probably update this shit and sort it like there's no tomorrow...and have all kinds of stupid numbers for your consumption – but that ain't the shit you're getting here, so...

here are the latest updates (from what I've written down / remember):

game 10: Them 10, Us 4 (6-4)
game 11: Us 12, Them 5 (7-4)
game 12: Them 16, Us 6 (7-5)
game 13: Us 11, Them 1 (8-5)
game 14: Them 11, Us 1 (8-6)
game 15: Us 5, Them 2 (9-6)
game 16: Us 7, Them 6 (10-6)
game 17: Them 12, Us 2 (10-7)
game 18: Them 11, Us 9 (10-8)
game 19: Them 6, Us 2 (10-9)
game 20: Us 1, Them 0 (11-9)
game 21: Them 12, Us 2 (11-10)
game 22: Them 16, Us 3 (11-11)
game 23: Us 8, Them 6 (12-11)

we've made the playoffs, as either a #3, 4, 5, or 6 team. strangely, it's all still up for grabs. honestly, by some dumb fuckin' twist of fate, we could still end up #2 as well (which we were all season until we decided to play all of our rain-out games against -- instead of the worst team in the league (which our rainouts were against) -- the TOP FUCKIN' TEAMS in the upper division instead (managers' fuckin mistake there)). when i am manager, there is not a chance we will play teams on a hot streak and WAY ABOVE OUR FUCKIN' HEADS. tards.

somewhere in there we beat an elite division team (two divisions up from us – the top division in the KC area), schooled another upper division team, and got run-ruled (losing by 10 or more after 5 innings) against some scrubby teams from our own lowly division.

this team frustrates me: we can, apparently, hit well enough to make the other teams make errors and give us runs, but, when we don't, it's shitsville city on the bench. as in: the guys that strike out the most make a concerted effort to go up and down the bench and rip into our shit about how we need to get the bats going and score some runs off of the "shitty" pitcher that we're inevitably facing whenever we can't hit or score runs. never fails.

on the plus side, I've moved up to leadoff batter for pretty much every game. that part rules.

honestly: every game I start, (which is now 8-9 out of every 10) I bat first. again, this is awesome. too bad I'll be moving to a completely different city in about 6 weeks. that, plus the fact that I wouldn't possibly play for this team again, dooms me to having to prove myself all over again. except I'm totally going to run my own team next year, so, there. take that.

I'm sure glad I don't have to put myself back in the draft pool next year...though, after last weekend at the Show-Me-State Games, I'd think about it. more on that in a later entry..

in this particular league (or, on this particular team, anyway), hitting the ball is considered the ultimate accomplishment. I think. long gone are the days I would possibly take a walk (billy beane, sabr guys, turn away – I want at-bats, goddammit..) the only time I purposely take a strike is on 3-0 (some habits you just can't break). otherwise, I just don't swing at balls. which means I swing at the first pitch on probably about 40% of my at-bats, barring the lead-off at-bats I get pretty much every game these days. honestly (and I am not exaggerating a bit), I can't remember the last lead-off at-bat I've had that didn't result in a full count (I tend to foul off a lot of pitches after strike 1) and, of all the times I've led off a game, I've only struck out once on a bullshit generous strike-zone call. again, *once*. I mean, the "lead-off" batting position (beginning of game, anyway) is always defined as taking pitches and letting the rest of your team see what the pitcher has to throw (which I excel at...I can foul off pitches and put balls in play better than anyone else on this team, I must say..) and I love every minute of the fact that I'm not relegated to #10 in the batting order anymore. I've been #1 for the last 3-4 weeks. I don't plan on going back. I mean, I'm not possibly going to hit bad enough to be moved back down..there's no way I would let that happen. I'm too smart of a hitter to not put the ball in play in this league. and putting the ball in play is all the players and room mothers in this league know about being "good" in baseball. I can do that!

so, in short...Show-Me-State Games entry next time. this entry was boring.

Next time: I grow to hate my team even more. and that's what we're here for, really...right?

HERNANDEZ NAILS GUILLEN

2005-07-17T18:11:00.000-05:00

mlb.com approved video (click on 56 or 350k link)

that was awesome. runelvys might just be my new favorite royals player..

Royal Blues (quietly) returns..

2005-07-15T15:14:00.000-05:00

heya kids.

no quicker way to kill your recondite little site than to not post for a month.

um…I've been busy.

no, really. work has taken on epic proportions of new crap to do, and I've been a witness (and unwilling participant) in playing a lot of an uncoordinated, derelict style of baseball, and I'm usually just too damn exhausted to post anything worth anything when I finally get home.

plus, the royals suck. or, here, let me make a new post for google to point to for the most common search engine term people reach me by:

THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS SUCK

there. though you don't really need me to tell you why, so I'm not sure what, exactly, people are looking for with that kind of search. but they do suck.

my baseball team has scraped out a few more wins, and sustained some of the most embarrassing spectacles I have ever been a part of. it's a little shaming to even wear the uniform around the complex when other teams are playing sometimes.

well, let me give you an example…the "all-stars" for this team:

1. pregnant man
2. he who cannot play outfield
3. the guy who doesn't play unless he pitches, and he can't pitch
4. random guy who gets injured every other game

I think we picked our "all-stars" based on whoever the lady who runs the team could reach with a phone call, but it was still all the old-time players who have been with the team for a while…and who, coincidentally, are the exact reason this team will never, ever win against a team who knows better than to field their positions with oven mitts. honestly: if we play a team that knows enough to face the right direction in the field, we lose. our pitchers throw sequences like this pretty much every time:

1. ball (over the batter's head)
2. ball (wild pitch in the dirt)
3. ball (wild pitch in the dirt)
4. borderline strike
5. ball (wild pitch over the batter's head)

every other batter walks, and every walk turns into a run before the next batter even swings the bat. it's ridiculous. denny matthews always talks about the fact that you can't expect your defense to be on its toes at all times when your pitcher can't throw strikes, and it's completely true. I mean, I really pride myself in the fact that I'm able to concentrate and focus pretty well on every pitch, but if 90% of the pitches aren't even hittable, and 95% of the batters aren't good enough to drive the ball to left field, it's hard to maintain focus. yet, when you draw left field duty, with either the sun or the short 20-foot high lights beaming in your face, no one seems to realize that fielding one ball every 2-3 games (without any practice whatsoever) doesn't lead to highly effective outfield defense.

oh yeah, tonight – instead of making up our two rain-out games against the absolute worst team in our division (and we're in the bottom of the 3 divisions) – we have instead rescheduled with a team in the elite division. fuckin brilliant. I hope we liked being in distant 2nd place for one day, because we're gonna be ran out of our two games tonight in probably about an hour. for both games. other teams schedule rainouts against teams that are winless. we take on elite division teams that will smoke us twice before it even gets dark outside.

I would not play for this team next year…even if I wasn't moving in like a month. in fact, I'm totally coaching my own team next year. "Moneyballs", here we come!

Two games tonight, and one game tomorrow morning at 9:30. In honor of 1/3 of my teammates showing up pre-drunk to our last game, I'm returning the favor tonight. I've learned my lesson about playing when I'm hung over; might as well play before that shit happens. hope they have the dugouts stocked with air sickness bags, because I already feel a little coming on..

So, here's to a night full of first-ball swinging (and missing)! Hope nobody can actually throw a curveball..

Tipsily,
Joe Blow

Royal Rethink (6/16)

2005-06-18T00:01:00.000-05:00

June 16, 2005
Royal Rethink (6/16)

A look back at the Royals -- through their own words

note: this post originally appeared on BrownBullfrog.com..

And, that brings me to a little site note before we get to the post...I don't actually know much about the Brown Bullfrog site, though it seems promising. All I know is I've been invited to participate, and that ain't bad. One part of me feels like there should be some kind of exclusive content either here or there...though, at this point, I'm not exactly sure where it would show up. Rest assured that there will be plenty of links between the two – and, uh, why not visit the BrownBullfrog site while you're at it? Go!

In the meantime, here's my first post over there (in case you were wondering why the last post was a little generic...well, that *was* going to be my first post over there, but I decided it wasn't very good, and, uhhh...well, I spent so much time writing it that I felt like it should be posted somewhere, heh..)

on to the Royals quotes:

"I'm throwing strikes, but I'm also not throwing strikes."

Zack Greinke, on his recent pitching struggles.

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things about the Royals this year – aside from a horrific, season-piercing start, an oft-injured superstar, and a painfully low place among baseball's "have-nots" (among other things) – has been the rapid deterioration of the sparkling gloss Zack Greinke came packaged in. Oh, sure, things like an inordinate amount of home runs given up last year, a sub-par spring, and a few shaky outings here and there had caused a couple of rough patches to appear on the exterior, but nothing seemed to prepare Royals fans for the past five starts, in which Greinke has given up 31 runs over 22 2/3 innings, including a Royal Record 11 runs allowed vs. Arizona in his last outing. I gave Zack a lot of credit when he refused to meekly accept Guy Hansen's attempts to seemingly tinker with every single pitchers' every single motion in spring training, but fans are just now being let in on the fact that Greinke has, apparently, been shunning just about all attempts by others to help him correct any potential or perceived errors. While the best judge of what will work for you is always yourself, and change won't happen without a complete commitment from within, it doesn't mean others can't help you in some ways. You just have to digest what they say and then decide whether they're full of shit. Young Zack apparently has a little more maturing to go before that fact truly sets in..

“It’s not that easy to throw it away at the knees and up and in at the corner. Those pitches he’s talking about — 75 percent of the time they’re called balls anyway. Low and away part of the zone — and especially up and in part of the zone. No one swings at any of them.”

Zack Greinke, on the "low and away, high and tight" pitching philosophy

Now, on the other hand, I like hearing things like this out of him. While it's true that "up and in" makes for a tough pitch to hit, it's just not a feasible goal with the current state of MLB umpiring. There is no strike-zone above the belt – in fact, a pitch *at* the belt still runs a high-percentage chance of being called a ball. A breaking curveball is usually judged by its height when caught, instead of the elevation when it's a couple of feet in front of the catcher's mitt where the plate actually sits. It's very tough for pitchers that don't possess consistently overpowering or tricky stuff to succeed for very long, and a lot of it has to do more with the difficultly in getting a called strike on pitches not in the batter's wheelhouse than in their inability to "throw strikes", as is often attributed to their struggles. It seems obvious to me that this is one of the reasons certain batters' (and teams') philosophies consist of fouling off a high number of pitches in order to run up a pitcher's pitch count – because there's an exceedingly small window in which a pitcher is required to throw a strike. Anything else can be ignored. Pitcher's pitches are called balls, and moderate strikes can be wasted until a pitch that can be driven is delivered. But, you know, it does make for great offense..

"He's a strong human being right there."

Luis Silverio, Royals Coach, after Emil Brown launched a home run over the Dodge truck, stationed approximately 470 feet from home plate at Kauffman Stadium, during batting practice

On the opposite end from Greinke this season has been the pleasantly surprising play of Emil "Doc" Brown. Once he was finally handed an opportunity to, you know, play, he's been nothing short of a consistent power and RBI threat. I love watching him in the field – he's not the smoothest outfielder at physically fielding the ball, but he is solid and has a rocket arm, which is my favorite part of seeing him play. And, even though I enjoy a great pitching duel as much as anyone, his ability to hit for power makes him probably the most exciting Royal to watch bat right now. Hey, offense is fun, too..

"It could be a day, it could be four weeks. We don't know."

Mike Sweeney, after injuring his arm fielding a throw against the Dodgers, 6/15/05

Speaking of consistency, Sweeney is hurt again…and the countdown clock for his return is once again showing a large question mark. This time, at least it was obvious. I don't doubt his injuries have been serious in the past, but for Royals fans to see what is far and away the biggest and highest-priced talent on the team watching games from the dugout after mysterious bat-swinging injuries is very frustrating. It's unfortunate to see him go down on a play that didn't need to (and shouldn't) have happened, though I do think there is a slight benefit for fans to have seen the play on which the injury occurred. At least they believe he's hurt. I don't believe Jayson Werth intentionally ran into him, though I do question why, exactly, he consistently chooses (and is allowed) to run on the grass to 1st base. There's an obvious difference between the grass and dirt, so he would be able to tell immediately what he was running on. As I watched the play on replay last night – as well as Werth's next at-bat, in which he was even further onto the grass – I really feel like it's a conscious decision on his part to run on the grass just in case a close play, such as the one on which Sweeney was injured, occurs. As shown on the replays, the home plate umpire was looking directly down the baseline as the play unfolded, but made no call, even though Werth had both feet inside of the baseline. If he happens to run into the fielder on a close play, it's very likely he will be given the benefit of the doubt, which is exactly what happened last night. Pretty cheap way to play if it's true, though for a marginal MLB player, it's somewhat understandable. Not saying anything, just saying..

“I’ve been with this team longer than anybody except (Mike) Sweeney, and I’ll go to battle with any of these guys. So it’s unfair to them if I’m pouting because I’m not in a role that I want to be in. I’m not going to do that to them.”

* * * * *

“When they call down there, it’s not like they ask, ‘Do you want to pitch?’ I can’t say, ‘No, not unless it’s the ninth.’"

* * * * *

"If another team wants me for the same role or another role, and they feel they have to trade me, then they’ve got to trade me."

Jeremy Affeldt, pouting to a KC Star reporter about losing the closer's role to (previous All-Star closer) Mike MacDougal after Affeldt's return from the DL

I seriously can't believe that, in the midst of what has been 2-3 of the most exciting weeks in recent Royals history, Jeremy Affeldt has chosen now to openly complain to the local newspaper about not having a coveted position awaiting his return from his most recent trip to the disabled list. While, in the business of baseball, each man has to look out for his own interests first, it doesn't reflect well to me that Affeldt would choose to passively hint that he should be able to automatically reclaim a job he has never had consistent success in, before he's actually shown a new-found ability to pitch well and stay healthy. It's pretty much supposed to be his simply because he is once again ready to pitch. Remember, Jeremy: the job was MacDougal's before it was yours, and I don't remember him actually bitching that he should have the job, just that he'd like it back. While I have no sympathy for the Royals themselves, they have invested a lot of time and money into Affeldt, a promising talent who has not succeeded in any role aside from "DL member". His trade value was high a while ago – the Royals likely could have landed more for him before they kept allowing him to pitch and fail to impress. Kind of like when Jimmy Gobble first came up, and everyone realized that (once again) our highly touted pitching prospect was a soft-tossing batting cage. If we can get something useful in return for Affeldt, let him go. Who knows, maybe he can room with Darrell May..

Introductorily,
Joe Blow

Royals Win 4 of 6 Away From Home, Post First Winning Road Trip Since 2003

2005-06-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

Some Fans Naturally Blame Manager for Both Losses

"The Royals should have swept this series."

So echoed the inevitable segment of fan board posters after the Royals took two out of three games at Arizona. The one defeat? A 12-11 loss in 10 innings, after the Royals had come back from an 11-3 deficit by scoring 8 runs between the 8th and 9th innings. The same chorus had sung after the previous series, where the Royals had again won two of three, this time against San Francisco. In the third game of the series – after scoring 4 in the top of the 6th to tie the game – a rookie pitcher one month-removed from single-A gave up 5 runs in the bottom of the inning to give the lead back to the Giants. The game eventually ended with the Royals batting, bases loaded, down by 2. The Giants held on 9-7.

Not bad, huh? You at least have to like the (new-found) ability to score runs and come back again and again. Basically, great efforts combined with awful runs of pitching. Then again, this is the Royals, right? Regardless, there's always a contingent that, far be it from crediting the manager for much of, well, anything, will openly blast every decision made that doesn't turn out well. If something turns out to work or be correct, it's usually lightly noted, ascribed to good fortune or random occurrence, then followed by a doom and gloom prediction while wallowing in the failures of the past (I call this the Neyer Syndrome). Well, unless it's another team winning or performing well, then they'll highlight it as a measure of success (which the Royals will, obviously, never achieve).

Well, the Royals of late are not really the same as they've been, even earlier this season. They actually seem to be able to pull out wins in what looks like a real baseball game. They're still not great, but they weren't supposed to be. This was to be yet another year of the "youth movement", another season of inconsistent rookies and a puzzling collection of veteran placeholders. And Mike Sweeney.

It was known from the beginning that the pitching's not always going to be there, but that's why most teams spend a lot to buy it. The rookies aren't going to consistently tear the cover off the ball, but that's why veteran sluggers cost so much. This team is not a superstar bunch – it's just a low-dollar mix of journeyman veterans and rookies that are supposed to be handled carefully. It's pretty much a given that there are going to be poor performances from some guys every few games, all in the name of "learning."

And this is somehow Buddy Bell's fault?

I mean, thank (insert invisible deity) at least Tony Pena's gone, right? Nope, apparently it's like he's still here to some fans! After the Royals pulled out a roller-coaster of a 12-inning game on Sunday in which Bell used the only pitcher in his bullpen that wasn't fresh off of consecutive game appearances and/or shaky outings (and/or pitching in single-A, though the two pitchers used in the 7th-9th innings both started the season there as well), there were still the fans that feel like every loss is the manager's fault (and close wins are just lucky). Here's a post as the Royals pulled the game out in 12:

"Well, we're seeing Buddy Bell's true colors here. Against even rudimentary wisdom, Bell throws Jensen out there, who promptly blows two consecutive one-run leads. Earlier in the 11th inning, Silverio cost us the win by sending Graffanino for no apparent reason. Feels like the Pena days again!"

Good god, no! It does not feel like the Pena days at all. From all appearances, Tony Pena was a smiling, dopey, anti-intellectual manager who loved to play favorites with marginal players (i.e. Desi Relaford, Jason Grimsley, etc.) and try to cheerlead them to victory. Not to mention (ok, I am) that Silverio is still a holdover from the Tony Pena regime.

Pena would be the first to run a young arm out of the bullpen for the 3rd or 4th consecutive game, even if the previous appearances had been disasters. He would have never been able to pull Carrasco after pitching 6 innings of 1-run ball; he was very adept at the smiling jog to the mound after his starting pitcher had just exploded in a late inning after a successful run through most of the game. By the time extra innings crept around on Sunday, we probably would have ran through so many guys that we would have needed Desi Relaford to come back to pitch the rest of the game.

Buddy Bell has been different. It feels nice to actually have a manager that makes you think that maybe, just maybe, there's an actual thought process going on before a decision is made. Bob Schaeffer was a definite step up from Pena, and Bell has seemingly waltzed in, picked right up, and carried it further. The line-up construction has been successful – people underestimate the effect batting first can have on a guy, so they write off the increased performance of Berroa since being moved to the top. The consistent playing time (a huge factor in my book) given to guys like Emil Brown and (prior to injury) Matt Diaz were large factors in their recent resurgence. There's also a scare factor in that guys aren't sure how Bell will respond to mistakes, though I don't see a uniform-clad shower in his future. He might actually do something that has to do with, you know, improving performance on the field…say, bench a guy, or not continue to run non-performers out on the field.

It doesn't matter, though. When Greinke gives up 11 runs, it's Bell's fault for leaving him in too long. When Leo Nunez gives up 5 runs on 16 pitches, Bell, of course, also screwed up by sticking with him too long. Of course, if he would have taken either of these guys out any sooner, there would be the same people complaining that our young players are *never* going to learn if he won't let them work through trouble. Or, if he would have went with someone other than Nunez and still lost, there would be cries of, "Why'd you put ______ in? Why not Nunez! Bell totally screwed this game up." It doesn't really matter what happens, if something goes wrong, the manager always obviously made the wrong call. It's always a lot of "what the fuck was he thinking?!" and very little, "Hey, look, every decision he made tonight didn't backfire."

Well, for example (once again from the same message board):

"Buddy Bell has already cost us three games by either leaving in a pitcher (Greinke) too (Nunez) long, or letting the wrong person (Jensen) close the game. I will bet anyone that he will continue making these blatantly horrible decisions as long as he is here. Pena did it, and any manager would do it. For Allard Baird, there was no room for error. Buddy has already cost us three games in two weeks."

You know, we didn't even lose one of those games he cost us! A team that started 8-25 is now 9-4 under Bell, yet to some people you'd think he's just the other half of Tony Pena's Siamese twin. Yes, the manager can have a hand in the outcome of the game, but in the games I've watched, I've yet to see Bell make a decision that really defies explanation or is inconsistent with managing what this team is: a collection of young talent that is looking to get better, not make up the 20 games in the division standings they're behind. With Pena, those bizarre decisions were a daily ritual. Bell has to see what these players are and are made of, and I have no problem with him testing young guys, especially when it's clear they haven't brought their A-game that night. I also have no problem bringing in an unconventional guy like Ryan Jensen to close an extra-inning game with a bullpen that had been used heavily in the previous few games (and relatively unsuccessfully, really..). As long as he's a member of the team, Jensen has to pitch sometime, right? I think everyone on the team is supposed to represent some form of a major leaguer in one way or another..

Basically, instead of complaining about the manager every time a player on this team doesn't perform, just be glad we now have someone that seems to realize there's a baseball game actually happening on the field.

Acceptingly,
Joe Blow

Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League (JBABL) Update #6

2005-06-10T11:38:00.000-05:00

Is it really Friday already?

You'd think that playing basically one game in the past 3 weeks would lend itself to posting frequently. not so!

I wish they'd schedule these things a little better – after playing Monday night (for the first time in almost two weeks), we play two on Saturday, then don't play again until next Sunday. It's hard to actually get into a rhythm, or even work on parts of your game, when the games themselves are so infrequent.

Ah well, on to this week's daring tale, in which we play a team from the Upper Division…and win!

Game #9: Us 10, Them 7
Team Record: 6-3

Offense

Blow, Joe: 1-3 (single, K, 1 RBI)

Season-to-Date Totals (through game 9 – on a side note, I seem to have misplaced the official season totals, and I think the last update was missing a game…these look better, too, so let's keep 'em):

Avg: .250 (5 for 20)
OBP: .464
Slg: .250
OPS: .714
RBI: 6

Back to the ghetto park this time, which had surprisingly been dragged and had about 3-4 inches of dirt removed. Somebody from the league had been there! It's too bad the "dirt" is still more like running track rocks. And, unfortunately, with all of the rain that fell a couple days before, the outfield had turned to mush.

My assignment: right field.
Batting Position: 6th.

Before the game started, I was presented with the official (though slightly used) team hat! Well, one version of it, anyway – no more than 3-4 guys actually wear the same style of "team hat" to any given game. And, you know, I was more than ok with playing right field – despite the fact that He Who Cannot Play Outfield started over me in left – because the twilight games at this field are absolutely brutal in left until the sun goes down (I wrote about that in the last entry). The sad part is this guy starting in left forgot to bring his cleats. Yeah, that's right – he's coming to a baseball game, and can't even remember to bring his shoes! Jesus Christ.

So, my spot was taken by a chucklehead wearing someone else's shoes, who took the first couple of innings to loudly talk to everybody on the field about playing Bases Loaded and Excitebike on Nintendo. You think I'm kidding, but I am not. He stood in left field and shouted to everyone his favorite parts of the games, and how a glitch in Bases Loaded was almost exactly like this play that happened in the first, when the SS caught a line-drive just above the ground, but threw it to first base just in case (yeah, that surprised me, too – the SS making a play, that is.) Apparently in Bases Loaded, sometimes the computer would call the throw to first an additional out! And now everybody that was at the park knows.

I liked right field even more when I got to make the first two putouts of the inning: one on a long running catch in foul territory, and another on a drive hit to deep right-center. I tracked it back and started calling for it, when I heard a soft "Ok!" from a little ways away in centerfield. He obviously had no interest in going for it. The footing was terrible – I stationed myself a little to the left of the puddles that had formed in some tire marks in straight-away right – and it seemed like it took forever to get to any fly balls. But, hey, apparently I had forever and a couple seconds to get to each of the first two.

Anyway, always good to get the first couple of nice plays out of the way, just in case of any screw-ups later. Which, there was one…sort of.

First, my at-bat in the 2nd inning…with nobody out, one run in, and a runner on third, I proceeded to take 5 pitches: 4 balls and a borderline strike. One of the balls – clearly outside and low – was called a strike. If there's one thing I've learned repeatedly in the first 8 games, it's that the umpires are very, very generous. I really have to start going up to the plate just looking to swing at something.

And that something is *anything close*. I try to, sometimes, but I can't get away from taking borderline pitches when I'm ahead in the count. What fun is it if you can't drive a couple pitches, though? I've definitely let a few pitches go that could have been driven. This Saturday, they're not getting through..

Anyway, so, count at 3-2, I grounded an outside pitch between 1st and 2nd for an RBI single, took 2nd on a fielder's choice (in which I was prepared to take out the 2nd baseman, but didn't have to, as apparently my blazing speed was too much for the shortstop to think about trying to turn a double-play…heh, uh, yeah..), and eventually scored (this time!) on a wild pitch. And, if you're keeping track at home, I (of course) managed to rough up the thing on my knee that will now never go away.

Anyway, my play the first couple of innings set me up to deflect criticism (or so I thought) when, a couple innings later, a high, short pop-up was hit just behind the outfield grass in short right field. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought that:

1) the right fielder has precedence over calling for the ball, but..
2) the infielder is supposed to call for it if they're going to be able to catch the ball – but peels off if the right fielder *also* calls for it

I was charging hard, watching the ball, and could see that the 2nd baseman was still running towards me, meaning he hadn't set to catch it. I never heard anybody else call for it…so I assumed I was going to be the only one who could catch it. Shouldn't the infielder call for it if they're going to be able to make the play? Because what ended up happening is that I called for it (very late), then couldn't make the catch because the 2nd baseman was still moving directly into the spot I would be right after I made the catch while running forward. Not being interested in an Adult Baseball Season Ending Injury, I avoided a collision, which eventually cost us two runs.

Well, I'll tell you what cost us two runs: Pregnant Man, stationed at 3rd base (!) this game (I could have sworn I told her I could play 3rd when I first joined the team..), took a ground ball with the guy that had hit the pop-up now on first. And when I say "took" a ground ball…the way he fields it is to basically let it bounce off his chest, then pick it up and try to throw the guy out. Except this time when it hit him, it stuck. Because, see, his belly requires portions of his jersey to remain unbuttoned; when the ball struck his chest, it stayed in his shirt.

Seriously.

So, in the few seconds it's taken him to realize the ball's in his shirt, the runner is safe at 2nd and the batter's safe at 1st. You'd assume he just holds the ball and everyone has a (pathetic) chuckle at him, right? Nope. He grabs the ball (keep in mind the runner's already standing on 1st base) and heaves a throw all the way over the 1st baseman's head, sending the runners to 2nd and 3rd, and with the way the inning played out, eventually costing us both of those runs.

I about chucked my new team hat over the right field fence.

Maybe the guys on the team just know Pregnant Man is a lost cause that really, really can't play. Because, once we returned to the dugout, the criticism from a few guys came in the form of *my* poor communication on the pop-up! Holy shit! I mean, I could have called him off earlier, but I really didn't know if I was going to be able to get to the ball. When no one else called for it, I assumed I was the only one that had a chance. And, you know…fuck it.

My next two at-bats consisted of a 10-pitch at bat that ultimately led to a ground out to short, and a sad looking strikeout on an actual curveball. haven't seen one of those in a while! I realized that taking batting practice with this team in the hopes of learning to hit a curve would be pretty worthless, since none of our pitchers actually know how to throw one.

The game was 10-5 heading into the bottom of the last inning, so naturally our (new) pitcher starts giving up hits left and right. I had a sinking line drive hit down the line in right that I thought I could get to, but after giving chase, it was *just* out of reach. I had to do sort of a half-dive, since I had reached as far as I could and the ground was too soft and slick to actually attempt to stop. The grass was long enough that the ball barely rolled any further, and I popped to my feet and still held the guy to a single. Another dunker landed fair behind 2nd base, which I had no chance at…and wouldn't you know it, after a couple more hits and a walk or two sprinkled in, the game suddenly sat at 10-7, bases loaded, 2 outs. If I was a praying man, I would have sent some sort of message to the deity of my choice floating out in the sky for a strikeout, because I knew none of those fuckers would be able to field the ball in that situation if it was hit to them.

And, just like that, my invisible buddy came through! Strikeout to end the game! Now we get to do it all twice on Saturday, in the middle of a hot June day..

I'm crankin' the ball one of these at-bats.

Confidently,
Joe Blow

So, Buddy Bell is your new manager. Where do you go from here?

2005-06-03T16:51:00.000-05:00

Straight up, apparently.

It's been a few days since none other than Buddy Bell was named the new manager of the Kansas City Royals. Kind of a surprising choice, really...at least to anybody that followed post after post of conversation on any of the Royals-related message boards. And, prior to the SWEEP OF THE YANKEES (always gotta repeat that when it's actually true), you were hard-pressed to find much of anyone saying anything positive about Allard Baird's choice in manager.

With that in mind, I'll run through a few thoughts on Buddy Bell (so far), both good and bad. And, seeing as how he's not a popular choice, we'll start with the bad!

The Bad:

The Royals have one glaring problem that doesn't seem to crop up in discussion much, but is always present: they are very, very poor at presenting themselves to the public. The Buddy Bell hire is a prime example. The team on the field, whether it's a budding version of a future force to reckon with, or another year of an unsuccessful, perpetually almost-rebuilding squad, is generating close to zero excitement from fans. The owner, whether you agree with his strategy or not, is unwilling to spend more on the team than it brings in (that is the topic for a very long, bitter post, though it won't be this one). The general manager, though he has registered a few minor successes as of late, has also triggered on a few disastrous deals that have, in one way or another - whether through poor choices or plain bad luck - rendered this team unable to consistently compete day after day. I think it's wrong to hold up two outlying examples in the Twins and A's as proof that low-payroll teams can also compete in this day and age, though that goes along with my much longer post alluded to above (not to mention, what about the A's this year? 21-32?)

Anyway, the shorter point is, the Royals needed to do their best to generate some level of actual fan interest with their hire. I thought it would be bringing in a big name as a manager, though I've lately come to realize that

1) None of the candidates out there are actually known names to most casual Royals fans and
2) All that really matters is winning.

So, at first, the Buddy Bell hiring seemed like a mistake to me. What are the Royals doing? Why are they bringing in a guy with a terrible career managing record, with no local ties, with barely any name recognition, without much of anything visible to support their decision that this is the best guy for the job? Just another bizarre mistake, it seemed.

But winning cures all, really. Is Buddy Bell the right guy? Who really knows? You can twist and turn, look at record here and sac bunts there, manager's effectiveness percentage or failure to show enthusiasm at his press conference – whatever stat you want to create to try to quantify what makes a good manager. And, what you're left with is...no idea. Because there's not a way to measure what makes a good manager in any guaranteed way. There is no guideline, and there is no measurement that tells you. a manager can choose the "correct" answer to any question he faces in a game (regardless of who's deciding what is "correct", just pretend like it's you..), and still fail 10 out of 10 times.

A manager is as good as you think he is, and what you think isn't what other people think. Some managers are better than others (subjectively, at least). Some have had more success, and by "success", most people mean they've won more games. Sure, that's a good thing, but it's not necessarily up to the manager to go out and pick up the save or hit a base-clearing double.

Is Buddy Bell who I would have picked as a manager? I don't know, I didn't interview any of the guys, and neither did you. Allard Baird did, and I think the fact that he made the decision serves Buddy Bell up for criticism as much as anything else. Do you trust that Allard's going to make the right decision? Yeah, neither do most other intelligent baseball fans that continue to follow this team. Though we're all on his side and eager for him to prove our doubts wrong..

The Good:

Buddy Bell is 3-0 as a manager.

You can't pin those wins on him, but I haven't seen one move he's made that I actually opposed. Wondered about? Yeah. I would have liked to see Leo Nunez pitch to more than one batter in yesterday's 5-2 win over the Yankees, but I love the fact that he's not afraid of using a pitcher for only one batter. Ambiorix Burgos is shaky, but he's never seen him pitch. Can't quibble with wanting to bring him in (I also wonder if he received word from upstairs that Burgos is the closer if MacDougal isn't available). He's only even attempted sacrifice bunts in situations where the Royals are up in the late innings and could use more runs, and with young guys (Buck, Berroa) that don't exactly make great contact and tear the cover off the ball. In other potential sacrifice situations, he's let a guy like Graffanino, even though he's not a good hitter, swing away. Graffanino is a veteran and a pro, and there's a much better chance he'll put the ball in play effectively than some of the younger guys.

He has a bullpen, and he's not afraid to use it: pulling Greinke and Jensen after 5 innings, Carrasco after 6. Will his bullpen blow up on him? Undoubtedly. Happens to every team (a lot with this one). But I'm glad to see him use it. I don't understand why teams keep so many guys in the bullpen, then save them for the next game in which they're not going to be used. I could have sworn those guys are major leaguers, too..

There's been a lot of small decisions just in the 3 games so far that lead me to (wishfully) think that Buddy Bell just might know what he's doing. Will he be able to turn these guys into winners? This is the Royals we're still talking about, right?

Hopefully,
Joe Blow

The worst game EVER (that I've been too)

2005-06-03T08:54:00.000-05:00

(note: this was written before the Royals decided to do something like go out and sweep the yankees. great timing -- a post about what is likely the worst game I've ever been to the day after one of the best series I've seen in a long time..)

* * * * *

Well, Anaheim was nice.

Of course, after spending a couple days sitting on the freeway in L.A., anywhere with a nice row of palms and moving lanes of traffic seems almost, uh, "magical" -- even if it's a pre-fabricated, commercially created little spot. It was still a breath of fresh air (in many ways).

That's the only kind thing I really want to say about it. After witnessing last Friday night's debacle – in person – I think you might feel the same way.

The day started nicely. After spending the morning walking around Hollywood, then dropping $150 at Amoeba Records (I would have spent more, but we were on a time and luggage space limit), we slowly crawled our way to Anaheim. The drive there was not particularly smooth, but, then again, apparently everywhere in Los Angeles is the most horrible place to drive to ever. I don't remember it being quite as bad last time I was there, but it seemed no matter what time it was or where we were going, there was a whole lot of idling and a small amount of slow coasting.

I think the mood upon our eventual arrival in Anaheim (mine, at least) was helped by the fact that the night consisted of enjoying a few fine microbrews I had picked up the day before (the Smoked Porter and Arrogant Bastard Ale from Stone Brewing Co., and the Hop Rod Rye from Bear Republic Brewing). The Hop Rod Rye was my favorite (Bear Republic also makes a great IPA), though the Arrogant Bastard was very good as well. The Smoked Porter was decent, though, uh, where's the "smoked" part? I guess I just got used to my introduction to the genre, the smoked porter from the O'Fallon Brewery in O'Fallon, Missouri, which is extra thick on smoke flavor. Strangely, not a flavor I actually enjoy that much, which makes my taste for it odd..

Hey, wait, we were getting ready to talk baseball here, right?

Anyway, after a small microbrew session, there was to be the Royals game and a night out at the ESPN Sports Zone in (ugh) Downtown Disney to follow. So, I was pretty excited. I had the local news on, and during a segue from a story about Rickey Henderson's return, the sportscaster said, "And, turning to a team that Rickey's new team probably wouldn't have a hard time beating, Major League Baseball's worst team, the Kansas City Royals, are in town to begin a 3-game series." Fuckin smartass little dude..

Can we start winning and put an end to this shit?

Edison International Field in Anaheim is, well…it's just not that impressive. With the recent refurbishments, it's taken on some of the characteristics of a few of the newer stadiums I've been to (Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix, Comerica Park in Detroit) in that most of the decorations seem plastic and aimed towards entertaining 3 year-olds. The giant helmets on both sides of the entrance are large and gaudy, and the large "baseball bat" support beams scream, "We're trying to pretend like this ballpark is new!" The best part was the large "A" with a halo in the opposite parking lot. Naturally, it's not a part of the stadium itself.

And I haven't even mentioned the "rock spectacular (with water)". Not only has Anaheim (along with Detroit) ripped off the fountain(ish) idea from Kauffman Stadium, they've done it in less than impressive ways. Detroit's fountains are on top of an ugly concourse tunnel behind right-center field, and Anaheim's are on those awful, ridiculous rocks. At least they've taken those hideous ghost-player pictures off of the outfield walls.

Other than that, it was…a ballpark.

I had been in full Royals-fan spotting mode as soon as we got out of the car. There were a couple of close calls, but it turned out to be Angels fans that apparently paid no attention to the opponent and managed to wear their colors. We were the only fans in Royals gear in a sea of thousands. My girlfriend, who likes to buy the shirts of the other teams whose ballparks we go to (I know, it's a habit that needs to be broken – see later in the entry for more on this), asked to go through the gift shop. She decided to get a shirt after the game.

We proceeded towards the field, where we had an usher take our picture. She seemed a little hesitant to actually help us, but eventually figured out how to push the camera button. An older guy standing nearby, dressed in his Angels Employee top hat and vest, said, "Well, you two are the first Royals fans I've seen tonight!"

"Yeah, there's still a couple of us left," I replied.
"Well, you guys took two out of three from us last time," he said. I guess the embarrassment of losing two out of three to the Royals causes you to remember things like that.
"Yep, let's see if we can do it again!" I said. He laughed.
"Good luck, then!"

We traversed the sea of red (it's amazing what a recent World Series championship does for merchandising) and found our seats in the upper deck. Surrounded by Angels fans. I spotted a father and son in Royals gear in the lower deck to the left, and a guy wearing a KC hat sitting with his two friends (both Angels fans) in the bleachers underneath us to the right. And, aside from a little kid with a Royals jersey that was standing at the outfield wall during warm-ups, that was it for Royals fans in our little part of the stadium.

The game itself was great for a while. Paul Byrd started for the Angels, and I was eager to see the Royals tee off on him. They didn't in the top of the first, and Chone Figgins, the first Angels batter, tripled and scored, and it was quickly 1-0. But the Royals fought back, scoring two runs in the next two innings, and took a 2-1 lead into the 7th. There were a couple of sparkling defensive plays turned in by Sweeney, a couple by Gotay, and some great defense by Dejesus (including an outstanding catch late in the game to preserve the lead). When Berroa scored in the top of the 7th on a wild pitch to make the game 4-1, you wouldn't believe the boos that reigned down from the fans. This is a team that won the World Series two years ago, and was tied for first place this year! They certainly have some high expectations..

I assumed the Angels fans wouldn't have much animosity towards us, as there's kind of a quiet sympathy from other teams' fans for anyone that's still willing to wear the Royal Blue. I'm sure by the end of the 7th inning, though – as the Royals had jumped out to a 4-1 lead – it was quickly expiring. When Buck hit his home run in the top of the 9th, I think they were slowly resigning themselves to a loss. When Sweeney hit his bases clearing single-plus-error, well…we were ecstatic! The Angels fans, well…amid the (very) loud chorus of boos, someone behind us told us to "SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT." Ok then..

Having been a Royals fan for quite some time, I knew better than to get ahead of myself and start thinking about something like a win. The Angels fans around us, on the other hand, conceded the game right then and there.

"Well, that's it. You guys got this one. There's no WAY they can blow this one," the guy in front of me said.
"Ohhhh, they can," I said, "they definitely can. Trust me, I've seen it before."
"Nah, there's no way," he replied.

Can I stop and say something right now? The Rally Monkey? That is the most embarrassing thing I think I've ever seen at a sporting event. I mean, I almost felt my face turning red as all of these Angels fans went crazy every time his little monkey head appeared on something. It's too bad that an Angels fan can never really make fun of your team, since that monkey is sadder than pretty much everything else. Sucks for them.

So, anyway, while the monkey's head was jumping around to every video board in the stadium, Mike Wood came into the game with a fresh 8-3 lead. Walk, error, RBI single, single…in about 3 minutes, it's 8-4, bases loaded, and nobody out.

You've gotta be shittin' me, right?

Angels fans are going nuts. I looked at my girlfriend with my mouth hanging open. I don't think I even had time to say anything – it happened that quickly. All I could think was, "double-play ball, double-play ball, double-play ball, come on.."

Double-play ball was delivered.

And……..thrown into right field. It was out there forever, as the Royals had to run through a field made of jello to get to it, and an endless cycle of Angels continuously rounded the bases. I almost ate my hat. The tying run was suddenly there on 3rd base, with no outs.

That dull, gnawing pain of being a Royals fan forced me back into my seat.

The next batter drove in the tying run.
The Royals went down meekly in the 10th.

The game-ending blast by Dallas McPherson was pretty much an afterthought. Before he even got to home plate, before any fireworks reached the sky, I said a quick, "Let's go,", gathered our stuff, and we forced our way through a frenzied stadium. Fortunately, there was a fireworks display after the game, so there weren't as many fans pouring through the concourses as there normally would have been. They were so whipped up in their own excitement that nobody said anything to me as I trailed out of the stadium in a daze.

My girlfriend still wanted to go to the gift shop as we were leaving.

"Are we going to go get a t-shirt?" she asked.
"Sure, if you want to be another fake fan," I growled.

I mean, I actually don't like her wearing another team's shirt at all, but I was especially stunned after this game. I couldn't stomach buying an Angels shirt at that moment. After I said that, she refused to go into the gift shop, which is all the better as far as I'm concerned. You know, as much garbage as you have to put up with to be a fan of this team, I sure as hell don't want to be a part of supporting another one.

It was even hard to enjoy the way overpriced drinks at the ESPN SportsZone, with about 30 large TVs showing the botched double-play every couple of minutes. That, and the fact we were in Disney. That sure didn't help.

I was still mad about this game when I got up the next morning. No matter what happens, I think this one's going to sting for a long, long time..

Incredulously,
Joe Blow

Royal Blues on the road

2005-05-26T06:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm off to L.A. and Arizona for a couple days, where I will be visiting Edison International Field to watch our boys take on the Angels. Hopefully they can take 2 out of 3 in Anaheim again, though I'll settle on at least Friday night (when I'm there). I'll be fortunate enough to catch the D.J. Carrasco show as the opening act.

I'm not sure how brutal the fans in Anaheim are, though any group of fans that root for a team owned by Disney and get fired up by a monkey can't be too awfully tough. In case a wandering TV camera starts panning for Royals fans, I'll be in the 2nd row of the very last section in the right field upper deck. Watch for a sharp-lookin' guy in a solid blue long sleeve Royals shirt and the black KC hat with the blue bill crashing the party in Anaheim. Can't miss me.

Sneakily,
Joe Blow

Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League (JBABL) Update #5

2005-05-26T06:12:00.000-05:00

In which I go from batting 11th and getting yanked after 3 innings to batting 1st and becoming a game savior. Who knew?

First, we take care of the necessary clean-up:

Game #6: Them 5, Us 2
Team Record: 3-3

Offense

Blow, Joe: Did Not Play (trip to St. Louis)

My on-base skills were sorely missed.

Game #7: Us 12, Them 4
Team Record: 4-3

Offense

Blow, Joe: 1-2 (walk, ground out to 3rd)

Season-to-Date Totals (through game 7):

Avg: .214 (3 for 14)
OBP: .450
Slg: .214
OPS: .664
RBI: 5

I was a late scratch from my original starting spot in left field, being replaced by He Who Cannot Play Outfield. I was fortunate, though, that the powers that be threw a few crumbs my way and allowed me to drag my lowly self to right. I caught the only ball hit to me, walked to load the bases my first time up, then broke up a double play, which allowed a run to score.

Naturally, it was time to take me out.

Continuing the streak of insane batting lineups and inane player substitutions, I started, played well, and took a seat on the bench after three innings. Needless to say, I was furious. In the last four games, I had been the Extra Hitter twice, switched positions during the game (without warning or need), batted in the last spot 3 times, and was taken out after 3 innings. Wouldn't want the room mothers' (managers) kids to have to sit out a whole game or anything like some of the other guys. No sir.

So, I handled it in my normal way – I sat on the bench and wouldn't talk to anyone. Honestly, I started wondering what I was doing, why I was there, and why it never seems to fail that no matter what sports venture I set out on, it always ends in bitterness and an acute sense of foolishness. As in, why do I delude myself into thinking I'll actually find a team that knows what the fuck they're doing and doesn't play favorites with all of their buddies that I have no interest in being? I didn't really give a shit what happened on the field, and I sure didn't want to talk to the ladies that run the team at that moment; they would have done well to stay clear of the dugout. I didn't want to be there at all.

While I was on the bench, I packed up all my stuff, put my keys in my back pocket, and prepared to make a mad dash out of there as soon as the game was over. And, after the obligatory handshake, I did just that. The main manager was handing something over the dugout to some of the guys. She started to offer whatever it was to me and remind me that the next game was the following night until she caught the look of disgust on my face and heard my abbreviated reply.

"Are you all right?" she asked.
"I'm fine," I said, as I continued walking towards the gate.
"You sure? What's wrong, is something wrong?"
"I'm fine."
"See you at the game tomorrow?"

I nodded and continued on. It was obvious to her that I was very pissed off. I'm not one to make a scene most of the time, so that small (non) event above is usually about the extent of it. I thought on the way home of what I would say the next day if she brought anything up. Basically, it would have been along the lines of, "I come here to play, not to watch every other game from the bench. I've been through that bullshit enough, and I'm really not interested in going through it again. If there's no spot for me, then why did you pick me up?"

I was still mad the next day when I got up. Since I didn't get home until after midnight the night before and had to work all day, my uniform was still covered in dust and dried blood. I remembered having to peel my sock from my knee when I got home after the game, as it had dried to the large abrasion that, apparently, will never heal. Especially if I keep sliding on it (note to self: stop doing that.) I chugged home from work, scarfed down a sandwich, threw on the uniform, and prepared for the best.

Game #8: Us 14, Them 13
Team Record: 5-3

Offense

Blow, Joe: 0-2 (walk, intentional walk, reached on error, fly out (into double play))

Season-to-Date Totals (through game 8):

Avg: .188 (3 for 16)
OBP: .458
Slg: .188
OPS: .646
RBI: 5

What a terrible field. I think my favorite parts would have to include:

1) the permanently sealed restrooms (complete with "CLOSED" stencil)
2) the moat and drainage pipe behind 1st base
3) the tire tracks in front of 2nd base
4) Left-field Foul Territory Hill

Not to mention the precautions you had to take when sliding to make sure you didn't end up inside your own burial plot. The dirt was seriously about 4-5 inches thick, and not really dirt anyway. I found out the dangers early, after I walked to open the game and later tried to score from 3rd on a wild pitch. The footing? Not so good. Now, I told you a couple games ago that someone was going to get thrown out trying to score on a wild pitch. You knew it would be me. The poor footing, combined with the short distance to the backstop, was bad enough. The fact that the ball popped straight in the air and was basically waiting for the catcher when he got back there meant I was a dead duck. After a quick slide into home, I was left to once again stop the bleeding on my knee with my sock.

The sun, of course, was shining directly towards left field all game. The good news? I got to play the whole game. The bad news? Of course I was in left field! It was pretty rough, though all I did throughout the game was field grounders and line drive base-hits.

A suprising thing, though? After my elegant performance the night before, I moved from 11th in the batting order...to first. You wouldn't believe what a difference that makes. It's a completely different feeling. I imagined the other team to have an idea about me, and it wasn't, "Last batter! Easy out!" It was more like, "Dangerous batter. Lead-off guy. Be careful." And it worked. I never felt uncomfortable on any pitch, like I was ready for anything they could throw to me. I walked the first time up, hit a smash to 2nd (though it was right at the guy, which he misplayed), was intentionally walked the 3rd time (to load the bases, but still...give me something), and hit a fly ball right at the right fielder the 4th time.

The best part, though, was still to come.

It was an inordinately sloppy game on both sides. What was especially frustrating was that while the fielders on the left side were battling the sun on every pitch, the rest of the infielders played with their concentration obviously focused somewhere else. There were a sad number of easy, ground ball outs that went over, under, off of, and past the gloves of various infielders. The game should never have been that close.

My 2nd favorite part of the game happened when I was coaching third base one inning. Pregnant man, who is easily the fattest and slowest guy on the team, has an odd affection for bunting. He'll do it with two strikes, with a runner on 2nd with 2 outs – basically anytime when it's the stupidest. So, he tries to bunt once again in this game with two strikes, fouls it off, and gives away a ridiculous out. Two guys from the other team were sitting on the bench behind me, and this was their exchange:

Guy 1: Who bunts with two strikes? Why'd he do that?
Guy 2: Because he's a short, fat fuck that has nothing to look forward to in life.

I didn't want to start cracking up right on the field, so I just kind of turned around and smiled.

Flash forward to the bottom of the last inning. We were the visiting team, and took the field clinging to a 3-run lead. After a few extraordinarily ridiculous errors allowed runners to reach, everyone got to witness what will probably be my lone attempt at throwing someone out at the plate. It was a good one, too. I mean, I'm pretty sure the throw (from short left field) was going to reach the catcher on the fly. The base runner was still a couple steps away, and I stood there waiting to see it actually happen.

What I saw was the pitcher, who was standing on the infield grass on the side of the pitcher's mound, leap high into the air and tip the ball with his glove. So, not only was everybody safe, but I just stood there kind of dazed. How could he?

With 2 outs, runners on 2nd and 3rd, we clung desperately to a 1-run lead. The sun had thankfully set an inning ago, and I was remarkably calm. Which worked out well when the batter laced a line drive towards the left center-field gap. I'm not really sure why nerves didn't get to me, but it was a thing of beauty as I waltzed confidently and stood at the exact spot the ball was travelling, snagged it, and just like that the game was over. It was great – there was absolutely nothing in my mind while the ball was in the air. Almost zen-like.

I think it helped that I didn't realize it was the last inning.

Still, everyone was thrilled, high-fiving me left and right. "I was SURE that ball was in the gap when he hit it," was the concensus from everyone. "I was just thinking, don't hit it to me, don't hit it to me" was what another guy told me. And, just like that, I was the game's savior. Just by sheer force of being able to catch the ball. Isn't it funny how quickly things change?

For a day, anyway.

Confidently,
Joe Blow

2005-05-24T16:36:00.000-05:00

I fully intended to update once I reached my hotel on Thursday night. Yep, a lone man in a new town with some fine hand-crafted beer and nothing better to do – sounds like my idea of posting time. Instead, I spent my eagerly anticipated wandering-around-a-strange-city time (ok, so st. louis isn't strange, just crappy) and my sitting-around-a-free-hotel time…well, sitting on I-70. Seems a cement truck driver found the one-lane construction-reduced highway outside of Columbia to be a perfect place to lose his mixer and set his truck on fire. That was fun. At least the Royals won, so the sports talk radio wasn't too unbearable while we sat. And, once I finally arrived in town, I lucked into finding some Schlafly Coffee Stout at a Schnucks down the street from the hotel. I really didn't think there would be any left of the coffee stout (it's a seasonal) – plus, it wasn't too bad. I've never had a great Schlafly brew, but some of their stuff is pretty decent. And, really, you can probably consider yourself lucky I didn't try to post towards the end of my coffee stout experience. but I sure was tempted.

Anyway, how about those Royals? They've actually been playing pretty decently. I don't buy into any part of the "well, teams always play better for an interim manager when the old manager is fired/quits" (how often do they quit, anyway?) idea that seems to be the agreed-upon explanation on the local message boards. That, basically, is ridiculous. Not much more than that.

I do like a lot of the things Bob Schaefer has done lately, as far as the new lineup and some of the day-to-day pitching moves. It doesn't always work, but you've seen the team the Royals put together this year, right? Exactly. I think there's a lot to be said for the amazing coincidence that the Royals started hitting a lot better once there was someone actually putting the team together in a sensible order. And no more of this Dee Brown / Calvin Pickering / etc. nonsense, where the guys that are up from the minors to be given the opportunity to prove themselves end up playing in 2 out of every 7 games, with a few random pinch-hit at-bats sprinkled in at the end of lost games. A guy will never succeed like that, yet that's been Standard Royal Procedure for-goddamn-ever. Batting averages based on less than 50 at-bats are notoriously brutal – I'm going to point to my JBABL stats so far to lend credence to that.

Speaking of which, both of those concepts – lack of regular playing time, ridiculously small sample size of at-bats – are currently working together to make my adult baseball league experiment extremely frustrating at the moment. After last night's game, I'm just about fed up. Just like a lot of marginal Royals prospects have experience upon reaching the big leagues, knowing that each and every step you make is going to be micro-analyzed and result in the next 4 days off if it's not wildly successful makes it a little hard to even play, let alone succeed. And, sometimes, just the fact that you're not a prospect dooms you to never getting a real opportunity. It's amazing what's happened to Emil Brown, Matt Diaz, David DeJesus (last season), and even Raul Ibanez a few seasons ago when they were actually allowed to play almost every day without having to look over their shoulders constantly. When you're always doing that, it makes it hard to pay attention to what's in front of you. And, yes, I realize that Diaz and Brown have only stepped up in a very limited number of games so far, but I've definitely noticed a difference in both now that they've been allowed to play regularly. Hopefully they'll succeed – of course, that's pretty much the Official Royal Motto.

In my case, during the last 4 games, I've been the extra-hitter twice, shuffled around the outfield during game #3, and only allowed to play 3 innings of game #4. I've also occupied the last spot in the lineup in 3 of the 4 games. Basically, I know I'm never going to get regular playing time no matter what, which is even worse than trying to win a spot. Right now, it doesn't seem like I'm even going to be allowed to compete. I don't know – I'll post more on this tomorrow. I have another game tonight, so at the least, I'll gain a little more perspective on the situation. Or quit.

Reluctantly,
Joe Blow

Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League (JBABL) Update #4

2005-05-18T22:15:00.000-05:00

This will be the last other-baseball-league update before we get back to the regular Royals noise around here - mostly because I'll be leaving for a short trip to st. louis and have to skip my own game tomorrow night. So, while I'm (hopefully) enjoying a nice Schlafly beer and (hopefully) watching the Apprentice season 3 finale in my hotel room tomorrow night...i'm hopefully wishing for rain! Sure wouldn't want my team to have to play without me..

And, since I won't have any of my own baseball to concern myself with until next week, maybe I'll take advantage of the hotel's free high-speed internet and actually say a word or two about the Royals..

Anyway, a double-header last weekend - of which we won both! Down to the nitty-gritty:

Game #4: Us 11, Them 5
Team Record: 2-2

Offense

Blow, Joe: 2-3 (2 singles, K, 2 RBI)

Season-to-Date Totals (through game 4):

Avg: .273 (3 for 11)
OBP: .467
Slg: .273
OPS: .739
RBI: 5

This game, I finally started getting back into the habit of actually remembering to try to hit the ball out in *front* of me while I was still at-bat, rather than on the long, slow walk to the dugout after triggering a hair too late and letting the pitch eat me up, as has been the case so far. I also made a conscientious effort to make sure I'm watching the ball all the way from the pitcher's hand, instead of picking it up after it's already been released. coincidentally, two two-out RBI base-hits! although, after hitting a solid single up the middle on the first at-bat, I hesitated coming around first, saw the centerfielder misplay the ball when it hit the lip on the infield grass, and made a lame duck attempt at trying to take 2nd. of course, you only realize you've really bit it about ¾ of the way there, and I was out by a good 3 steps. hey, at least the run scored!

I also promised myself this game that all sliding would be done head-first, since I got a nice strawberry on my knee last game trying to steal a base, and it hadn't healed yet. so, then I slid feet-first trying to take 2nd, and returned to the dugout to find a nice, uh, "full" band-aid on my knee. luckily I had plenty of time to nurture myself back to health...

...because I was the goddamn Extra Hitter again. it's not as bad right now because I know I'm the new kid on the team, but it burns me up when the same guys get an automatic spot no matter how they play. the worst part about being the EH is that, aside from watching kids screw up your position, this lady automatically bats you last. I was pretty steamed during the game, and I sat on the very end of the bench to make sure the managers wouldn't talk to me. I mean, I do that anyway, but I think it was a little more noticeable when I was the only person on it.

A pretty good game, though. What could top it? Why, Game 5, of course..

Game 5: Us 9, Them 7
Team Record: 3-2

Offense

Blow, Joe: 0-2 (BB, K, ground out, 1 run scored)

Season-to-Date Totals (through game 5):

Avg: .231 (3 for 13)
OBP: .444
Slg: .231
OPS: .675
RBI: 5

The good: I led off the top of the last inning and drew a walk when our team was down 7-4.

The bad: I'll be remembered for two things in this game -

1. Dropping a fly ball in the bottom of the 6th after losing it in the sun (allowing 2 runs to score)

2. Not attempting to score on a wild pitch in the top of the 7th (last) inning with the bases loaded, nobody out, down by 3

Pretty rough. I actually got to start in left field, where I began the game by slightly misplaying an odd bounce on a line drive (nobody took an extra base, though), and pulling up short of a couple potential shoe-string-catch line drives that, obviously, everyone else on the team would have tried to catch and had the ball roll for a triple when they missed it - I thought holding guys to singles was good? I watched that play *way* too many times in softball last year, and I'm not about to make it.

in my defense on the misplay, I will say that, honestly, I could barely feel my fingers. and, no, it wasn't cold. it's just that, well, I started the day feeling a little rough after a night of slightly heavy drinking the previous evening, then ingested a lot of caffeine. in fact, I had some extra no-doz type caffeine pills in my bat-bag, and while I wasted away the innings on the bench during game 1 of the afternoon, I think I took a couple too many. and that's saying something for me, because I regularly drink large quantities of coffee all day long. anyway, by that point I was feeling a little shaky and a lot...odd.

I actually moved up to 7th in the order this game (based on my dynamite performance in game 1, coupled with the fact I wasn't the EH), and proceeded to strike out by taking a couple questionable strikes and missing a curve ball. badly.

then the "talk" started.

while we were batting in the top of the 3rd, I heard the manager lady say to the guy who couldn't play centerfield worth anything in game one, "yeah, you're going in to left next inning". I wasn't even going to say anything. I just decided maybe she meant "left side of the infield", or...fuck it, I knew what she meant. I was getting taken out after two innings. I was livid.

after we were retired in the top of the 3rd, sure enough, he trotted out to left. I stood there, grabbing the fence, waiting for someone to say something to me as i watched this unfold. they sat on the bleachers, snacking away. I looked at anyone, waiting for a response. finally, eyes clenched, an indignant scowl on my face, I pointed and said, "You put him in?" very eloquent, I must say.

"oh, yeah, you're going to right field. I meant to tell you. sorry about that!"

what the fuck? jesus christ.

anyway, I slowly staked my place in right field, and watched each inning as the sun gently crept down the sky until, by about the 6th inning, it was perched happily just over the tall trees that looked over the field from behind the right-handed batters. in other words, the sun was directly in front of the right fielder (me), and about ¾ of the way down the sky. combined with the glare off of the concession stand roof, which rests about 5 feet above the batter's head (and also directly in front of the right fielder), I seriously hoped that I could be nothing more than a place-holder the rest of the game.

cue forward to the bottom of the 6th: down by 1, our pitcher allowed the first 2 runners on - one, I must mention, because the guy that took my place in left field actually charged a fly ball that landed just in front of the warning track. I mean, seriously, the guy can't play outfield! goddamn.

anyway, naturally the next ball hit is a high fly ball to me, and I saw it all the way until it was maybe 10-15 above me. then, nothing. I couldn't see a thing. it was lost to the sunlight completely. I stuck my glove in the air, half-defensively, and felt it glance off the very tip. afterward, nobody really said anything to me. they just, kind of, didn't talk to me.

I was vindicated the next inning when the right fielder on the other team did the exact same thing. of course, to guys on my team, it was because he "sucked, really bad", but he had obviously put his arms in front of his face as the ball came down so that he wouldn't get smashed.

anyway, like I said earlier, I led off the top of our last inning by drawing a walk. the guy after me had apparently (to most of us anyway) drawn a walk as well, with the home-plate umpire even pointing him down to first base. except that his pointing was really him calling a late, silent strike call. I realized this when I was about halfway to 2nd base and had to make a mad dash back to first, seeing as how I was a live runner and all. I probably could have made it to 2nd, but everybody was a little confused, so they didn't think to throw it back to 1st soon enough. at least i was still safe, that's all i have to say.

eventually, I made it to 3rd, and we had the bases loaded, 0 outs, down by 3. that's when the pitcher threw a wild pitch to the backstop. now, I must mention, this is not the backstop at royals stadium. in fact, it's not very deep at all, and I honestly can't believe that no one ever gets thrown out trying to take home plate on these plays. no matter what, though, I wasn't interested in trying to score on a wild pitch with the tying run on first base and no one out. so, I stayed put on 3rd when he threw one. naturally, my teammates (on the 1st base bench) were jumping all over themselves. I just stuck my hands out and shrugged my shoulders, like, "what?!"

I ended up scoring on the play where their right fielder lost the ball in the sun, we eventually scored 5 runs in the inning and held on for a 9-7 win, and everybody was really excited. I even had a couple of guys come up to me and say, "I liked your decision not to try to score with the bases loaded." and that, my friends, is what I'll take for vindication these days..

winningly,
Joe Blow

Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League Update #3

2005-05-14T01:08:00.000-05:00

Three scheduled games since the last update; 1.4 actually played! We will begin with the ok one, followed by the good one that didn't count..

Game 3:
Final Score: Us 14, Them 6

Team Record: 1-2

Joe Blow's Offensive Stats:

Game 3: 0-1 (K, 2 BB)

Season Totals:
Avg.: .000
OBP: .400
Slg.: .000
OPS: .400
RBI: 1

You know, I just carry the bat to the plate to give off the illusion I might hit the ball. No hitting actually occurred in the playing of this game. I managed to stake my claim this time to the demeaning role of "extra hitter", as we had 10 guys show up for the game. never mind the fact that some of these guys show up to about 1 of every 3 games, or that a few of them can't possibly play the field at any position. yes, the new guy gets to sit the bench until it's his time to hit. add to that the insult of not just being the extra hitter, but batting 10th out of 10, and you can extrapolate my mindset once this game started.

I don't know why I even try to keep statistics. it's really just for my own amusement. one of the manager ladies for this team keeps a scorebook, but she constantly has to ask about actual rules of the game, so I can pretty much guarantee you she has no idea how to accurately score the game. not to mention the guys on the team; during game #3, one guy on the bench actually said this:

"Yeah, I have an on-base percentage of 1.000. I've either got a hit, or walked, or got hit by a pitch every time up so far."

let me just take a second here: hahahahahaha.

ok. give me a break. dude, nobody on this team can hit, and you guys RARELY reach base. not every time: more like, barely *any* time. he also said, "well, I've only been up 5 times anyway." um, I batted 7 times in the first two games alone, and he hits ahead of me in the order. do outs not count as at-bats? that would probably explain it. but, then came this gem from another guy:

"Yeah, I have a .533 batting average, and a .667 on-base percentage. of course, I don't count errors or anything in my calculations."

ha. .533 batting average – um, I don't remember *any* of your hits, let alone the idea that you've been on base more than, like, once in the games so far. and, you know, errors count for something, i think. these are the eggheads I have to deal with. trust me: despite the fact that I had been on base as much as anyone in the lineup at that point, the idea that I reached on walks means i never reached base at all, and (for the other guys) the other teams' errors/fielder's choices/dropped 3rd strike at bats were "hits". because the guys on my team swung the bat. I'm surprised those guys even knew the term "on-base percentage". of course, I wouldn't actually expect them to know how to calculate it.

anyway, you know, there I was on the bench, getting steamed about being the "extra hitter" at the bottom of the lineup. sure, put the pregnant looking guy at shortstop, put the guy that always wants a "courtesy" runner to run the bases for him in left field. god forbid you put a solid defender in the game at key positions. luckily, my clumsy slow replacement got bored of standing in left field after two innings, so I got to play the remaining 5 innings standing around, doing a whole lot of nothing. apparently, guys in this league haven't caught up to the 55 mph fastball yet, so nobody ever pulls the ball. I fielded a grounder that got by the pregnant man at shortstop, and a line drive on two hops. that was it.

when I fielded that line drive, the batter took a big turn around first just as I grabbed the ball. I was going to softly toss it in to the cut-off (pregnant) man – just an easy throw, seeing as how it's never a good idea to show the other team what kind of arm you have until absolutely necessary, so they'll be off-guard as far as your prospective chances of throwing them out – but, when the guy took an aggressive turn around 1st, I double-clutched the ball and got ready to throw it to 2nd base instead. keep in mind, I'm in pretty shallow left-field at this point; the throw to 2nd was about 20 feet further than the throw to pregnant man. the runner halted his advance.

pregnant man: GET THE BALL IN HERE, NOW!!
me: Why, he isn't going!?

and then I returned to my spot. and I mostly stood there, getting pissed off that Dumpy – despite the fact that I've now watched him completely drop a fly ball after it bounced off of his glove, botch a number of ground balls (or just plain not attempt to get to them, including one earlier that night), and repeatedly try to pretend like he's a switch-hitter when he bats, even though he can't hit from either side – yell at me in front of the team for not throwing the ball to his stupid ass. that shit doesn't help me, because the people running the team don't know that much about baseball, so if Stubby yells, he must be right. goddammit.

anyway, we actually won that game. no thanks to the rest of the team while I was on the bases: if we didn't score on passed balls and wild pitches, we'd NEVER score. I was on base 2 out of 3 times, and nobody *ever* moved me up a base through either hitting the ball or drawing a walk. it's all strikeouts and wild pitches.

walks are like death here. walks, seemingly, rank lower on the scale than embarrassingly bad strikeouts and lazy pop-ups to the catcher. but, you know, the catcher has that complicated glove and all, so he has to make a good play to catch it..

of course, god forbid our catchers actually block pitches or make any kind of defensive play at all.

I used to play catcher back in the day – WAY back, I'm talking from t-ball to coaches pitch to bantams – and, even though I haven't played it for years, I still know that it's not that hard to keep pitches in front of you at this level. it just takes: 1) concentration 2) effort 3) disregard for personal comfort. I mean, you can't block everything, but it's not that hard in the local rec circuit.

you wouldn't know it from this league. aside from the fact that I can pretty much steal bases at will (when I'm not hitting behind the biggest, slowest guy on the team – hey, this 10th spot could work out well after all..), none of the catchers really make that much attempt to stop every other pitch from going to the screen. it's ridiculous, and kind of insulting. especially when these pitcher and catcher guys try to talk to each other as if they're "calling" the game and "setting people up" with pitches and all that. hell, maybe they think they are. I think they would be better served by actually, you know, throwing strikes. cause that shit's a rarity around these parts.

we were supposed to play a double-header last Sunday. we made it through 3 innings of the 1st game before the rain came down and stopped play. here are the stats through 3 innings:

Game 4:
Us 14, Them 2 (3 innings)

Team Record: 1-2 (not an official game)

Joe Blow's Offensive Stats:

Game 4: 1-2 (fielder's choice, single, 2 RBI, 2 stolen bases, 1 run scored)

Season Totals:
Avg.: .125
OBP: .417
Slg.: .125
OPS: .542
RBI: 3
SB: 2

I came up in the 2nd inning with a runner on 3rd and 1 out, and grounded into a fielder's choice that scored a run. my question is: if a hitter hits a fly ball that scores a run, or bunts a runner to another base, they're credited with a sacrifice and not an official at-bat. what about a ground ball that scores a run? you don't think *that* could be on purpose, too? I knew if I put the ball in play, it would score a run, and after fighting off a few pitches, that's what I did. yet, it counts against my average and as an official at-bat. kind of a dumb rule in that regard.

anyway, the brain trust at the head of our organization put pregnant man in left field this time, while I lucked into staking out right field. it was extremely windy, which meant no one (our team or the other one) could catch anything hit to left. pretty sad, really, to watch from right. i guarantee i won't be with this team next year, so i won't miss the whole "watch this team screw up really, really bad on just about every play" thing.

anyway, after blooping a single in the 3rd, I stole some bases, and scored the final run in the bottom of the 3rd on a passed ball. we were, apparently, up 14-2 by that point, but as we ran to take the field in the top of the 4th, the rain started. and, within a minute, poured. I looked to the umpires. no signal. great. one batter up, two pitches later, they called it. I huddled in an odd spot just in front of our bench, as the rain was blowing in from the back of the dugout as well as pouring over from the roof. there was very limited space that provided any kind of protection.

eventually they cancelled the game altogether, and it was ruled "unofficial", since it didn't go the required amount of innings (whatever that is). but, honestly, I'd like to keep the stats. it's not like I'm angling for a contract or anything anyway..so, it counts. now, to fix the fact that all my hits are bloops..

dutifully,
Joe Blow

2005-05-12T15:28:00.000-05:00

It's certainly been an extremely busy week for all things outside of Royal Blues -- which means it's been pretty vacant here. Has it been over a week since I posted? That's not really the plan, but, you know, "free entertainment" and all that. Thankfully, in the meantime, someone was nice enough to list my humble little site on Baseball Blogs, which has like doubled my page views while I haven't been posting (whatever that's supposed to say..). yep, one day I even made it to double-digits! I've truly reached the pinnacle.

Anyway, due to my prolonged "royals road trip"-style absence, you can use this post as a clearinghouse for archival royal links to past catastrophes. Reminisce uncomfortably while slowly watching the season die through the Royal Record countdown.

Also, an inside source has provided me with information that something big may have happened after the May 10 loss to Toronto. I am checking into this, and will report back with any late-breaking developments as they occur. (note: if the report comes in after lunch tomorrow, it'll probably be a little more, uh, "festive". just sayin..)

So, via the links below, feel free to enjoy the past 9 games all over again. From walking in the tying and go-ahead runs in the bottom of the 8th, to blowing an 8-1 lead, to *gasp* one lone victory, to losing our Head Cheerleader…it's all here! Is it any wonder I don't try to write about all these games?

Chicago 5, Kansas City 4
Royal Record: 7-19

Chicago 4, Kansas City 2
Royal Record: 7-20

Chicago 2, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 7-21

Baltimore 3, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 7-22

Baltimore 5, Kansas City 3
Royal Record: 7-23

Kansas City 10, Baltimore 8
Royal Record: 8-23

Toronto 6, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 8-24

Toronto 3, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 8-25

Toronto 12, Kansas City 9
Royal Record: 8-26

Hopefully back tomorrow!

Exhaustively,
Joe Blow

2005-05-03T20:53:00.000-05:00

Cleveland 6, Kansas City 0
Royal Record: 5-18

Kansas City 9, Cleveland 1
Royal Record: 6-18

Kansas City 6, Cleveland 5
Royal Record: 7-18

Nothing like a two-game winning streak to quiet the chattering masses of Royals fans – seemed to be a noticeable drop-off in posts on the message boards and weblogs in general. count me among those – not really much to say about the weekend, I don't think. always nice to see them win, even if I only caught parts of two games. I listened on Saturday as I drove to my game, catching Harvey's grand slam and Marrero's follow-up shot. great moments, of course, though it's moments like these that hover in people's minds a little too long when it comes to arguing Royals-related points. not that I'm one of the types that's absolutely convinced harvey can or can't succeed, or that marrero was a giant waste of money – they're just nice moments in a long production of a season. that's about all I have to say right now. I don't have any kind of point to prove about the relative worth of either of them. I'd just like to see them succeed, that's all.

I listened Sunday as lima had a no-hitter through 5 innings, then left to take a bike ride through the local neighborhoods with the 'lil lady. yep, right after the 5th. I figured, sure, I'd be all over the place if I had missed lima throwing a no-hitter – and he is pretty much one of the only two pitchers (anderson being the other) who would possibly be allowed to pitch a full nine innings given how limiting the royals are with the other guys – but, you know, what are the chances of that? all I ended up doing is saving myself from watching the five-run 5th. I came back to see burgos close it out, and while I'm never going to complain about a 1-2-3 inning, it's obvious there will be nights he'll walk guys just like all the other royals relievers we've grown fond of. not much more than that.

* * * * * *

Official JBABL stats: Game 2

Them 15, Us 5 (stopped after 6 innings due to score)

Team Record: 0-2

Offense

Blow, Joe: 0-3 (K, pop out, ground out)

Season:
Avg.: .000
OBP: .286
Slg.: .000
OPS: .286
RBI: 1

I hate odd stat lines like that at the beginning of the season. My hitting was pretty bad Saturday. I got rang up on a borderline outside pitch on my first at-bat (I'm learning that umpires in this league are very generous when pitches come somewhere around the plate). the second time I swung at a low, outside pitch and *almost* dropped it into right field, and the third time I just barely hit a roller about halfway between third and the pitcher's mound.

I'm afraid next game I'm gonna have to play like a real asshole. yep, I'm just going up there hacking. no one knows the difference anyway, and at least if they see me swinging they'll think I'm up there trying to hit a home run every time just like everyone else. I mean, I'll still be selective, but at least for the next game, there's no more taking close pitches early in the at-bat and trying to work the count. I'm up there swinging away from pitch 1. I mean, when I'm not swinging and missing, I can ground out with the best of them – exactly like the rest of the team!

I'm really, really disappointed with how this team is turning out. apparently the flashes of "decent team" I saw in the preseason games were a great illusion. Once this team gets into the regular season, I don't know, they just panic. they can't make pitches or plays worth anything. no wonder they've been so horrible the last couple years before now.

At least I've been absolutely solid in the field so far: no errors, a couple nice catches on hard-hit smashes on Saturday, and not a single base-runner has attempted to take an extra base on a ball hit to me in any game this year. part of that is because I'm in left field, but I play every ball exactly how it's supposed to be played and come up ready to throw.

Of course, in the midst of our thrashings, there always seems to be something that happens in each game you can file under "little things that really piss you off". this game it was a statement from one of the guys in the dugout, who felt it necessary to mention to everyone that, "we really suck at defense! our defense is terrible, we can't make any plays!" this right after the inning where I speared a couple line drives given up by our pitchers. it's like, hey guy, feel free to speak for yourself, but the outfield guys haven't missed a play yet, including two separate times where a runner should have been out at third and at home, but the infielder never bothered to catch the ball. and the runners were out by 3-4 steps each time, so it wasn't close. on a side note, the outfield in the last game consisted of me and two guys from completely different teams, who were filling in because we were short. we'll revert back to comical misplays and shockingly bad decisions next game when the regulars return.

well, another thing that got to me last game involved the guy I wrote about that had absolutely no idea how to play centerfield in game 1. he apparently felt the need to start positioning the outfielders from his perch at 2nd base a couple of innings into the game. I HATE that. I'm pretty sure that I know as much as anyone on the team on where guys should be playing, especially myself. he started motioning for all the outfielders to move in at one point, and when he got to me I just looked at him as he waved his glove towards his face. he did it again. I looked at him and took a trivial half step sideways. he gave up. it's like, dude, I saw you play centerfield, you have no clue how to play outfield at all. it reminded me of last year, when I almost got into what would have been a very regrettable scrap with this really trashy guy on my softball team that felt like he was god's gift to outfield management. which he attempted to enforce on every single play. non-stop. in the last game, I finally shouted to him, "why don't you worry about yourself?" naturally, Scummy wanted to fight me as soon as we got back to the dugout. luckily I didn't, or else I'd probably be covered in some kind of incurable skin lesions right now.

hopefully no one will come to blows this season. but, if there's a bright side, at least some of the guys on this team seem halfway clean..

Peacefully,
Joe Blow

2005-04-29T16:04:00.000-05:00

seeing as how I get half of my, like, 6 hits a day off of odd web searches (most dealing with my very drunken all-star game ramblings last year concerning players not on the royals), I figured I'd try to help out my fellow web surfers on their search for further enlightenment. so, with my random readers' best interests in mind, here are some answers to your various queries:

how the fuck much money does that carlos pena guy make?

well, in fact, he's making $2,575,000 in 2005. for future reference, this site seems to be a good one for finding this kind of information.

speaking of carlos pena, remember when he was the favorite whipping boy for sites like baseball prospectus? well, ok, "whipping boy" is more like a guy taking punishment. I meant, more like, one of those guys that (especially since he was on the Oakland A's) just about every saber-type site hyped like there was no downside to him. not that I want to spend too much time searching, but he was all over the top of the heap of "potential break-out stars" a couple years back. even rany loved him (you have to scroll down for the pena love). yeah, he's certainly torn up the league since then – who's to say we couldn't have gotten him for jeff suppan?

anyway, looking at trades such as last year, where the A's sent mike wood and mark teahen to the royals in the carlos beltran trade and all they got was octavio dotel – who, besides making $4,750,000 this season, didn't contribute much when he initially pitched for the A's (his end stats look a lot better than I remember them being in important A's games when he came over), the A's also make deals where they acquire guys like mark ellis for angel berroa (oh, sure, there was that Johnny damon for Roberto Hernandez for Ben Grieve thing, but all of those guys kinda suck and washed out for the A's and Royals and Devil Rays). and, after a couple non-productive seasons from ellis, you'd have to say the royals got the best of that deal so far.

and then there's this about our man Carlos Pena:

July 5, 2002: Traded by the Oakland Athletics with a player to be named later and Franklyn German to the Detroit Tigers for Jeff Weaver and cash. The Oakland Athletics sent Jeremy Bonderman (minors) (August 22, 2002) to the Detroit Tigers to complete the trade.

so, let me get this straight: the A's traded former saber-superstar Carlos Pena, Franklyn German, and Jeremy Bonderman for Jeff Weaver and cash. WTF? let's see, for Jeff Weaver they ended up getting:

July 5, 2002: Traded by the Oakland Athletics to the New York Yankees for Ted Lilly, Jason Arnold (minors), and John-Ford Griffin (minors).

for lilly, they got bobby kielty, who's been a part-time player; they sent Jason Arnold to the Blue Jays for Erubiel Durazo (indirectly), and traded John-Ford Griffin for Jason Perry, who has done fairly well at the A level, and is currently in AA. so, basically, they sent three current major leaguers to the tigers (and, in bonderman, a potential 1-2 starter) for a $5 million DH, a 4th outfielder, and a player in AA.

so, they managed to find three star pitchers at the same time. they managed to get some top prospects for two of them (mulder and hudson, obviously), and zito's been average so far this year, but getting prospects for those guys is a product of finding them in the first place, not necessarily a further reflection of their skill at finding talent. they make mistakes, too; it would be nice if people weren't so inclined to glorify them on every move they make.

anyway, random person, hope I helped you with your carlos pena salary information! thanks for stopping by!

some more searches:

roger clemens shower

talk to tony pena! he may be able to help..

"allard baird" asshole

he very well may be. right now, he's just slow to learn how to conduct a youth movement. I mean, "the plan". it is in place, this "the plan". don't disparage it!

"denys reyes" right arm

ah, denys reyes. the guy that broke a collarbone and switched to throwing left-handed – is that what you wanted to know about his right arm? this was probably my girlfriend's favorite royals player, seeing as how she's only been following them the last 2 years now. especially funny when he would fall off the mound every once in a while..

"KEN HARVEY" RELAY PITCHERS FACE

he nailed Jason grimsley. funny as shit, especially considering who he took out. come on, dummy grimsley, you know Harvey can't field that well! oh, I guess that's part of the reason why he's a dummy..

stupid pitcher KC royals

hint: it's all of them.

Kansas City Royals Suck
royals suck
why the royals suck
the kansas city royals suck
royals suck

do you really need to look this up to know why?

helpfully,
Joe Blow

2005-04-29T11:42:00.000-05:00

Minnesota 9, Kansas City 4
Royal Record: 5-16

Minnesota 6, Kansas City 5 (11 innings)
Royal Record: 5-17

I think one of the hardest things about being an intelligent baseball fan is overcoming the fact that most of the players aren't. As you move up the ranks of baseball, you expect this to be less of the case, which is why it's frustrating to see major league baseball players make the same mistakes as my adult rec league team.

Yes, it's a little dramatic to make the leap from comparing the royals to my team, but if you've played or watched baseball at the lowest levels (we're talking about my team here), you understand the mentality that a lot of these guys take into their professional careers – the aggressive, offensive scheme of hitting, diving, and attempting to be spectacular at all times, completely disregarding the more subtle, intelligent approaches that breed winning baseball teams. They seem to be pretty widespread things, the type of things that have to be coached out of a player – whether it's from outside coaching or simply from within the player himself – and you expect that when you watch professional teams, the players should possess an excellent knowledge of the game.

In some, this is true. Unfortunately, by the time you reach the major leagues, sometimes it's not through understanding and knowledge, but simply through physical talents (i.e. "tools" players). The combination of these two, baseball intelligence and physical talent, is seemingly rare. It's still not an excuse.

I'm sure other teams have players do the same things quite a bit, but since most fans watch their team much, much more than other teams, it seems like your team makes many more mistakes than others. Which, in the case of the Royals, may very well be true. In the last game I watched, I saw Matt Diaz (not to single him out, it's just the most recent thing I noticed) take a terrible path to field a line drive to left. Instead of moving laterally and getting in front of a hard-hit ball before charging forward, he took a strictly diagonal path, which resulted in the ball bouncing just out of reach of his glove, all the way to the fence, resulting in a double and runs scored. While dropping a fly ball is easily noticed as an error, this is just as much of one, as you're giving preventable free bases. It doesn't show up anywhere, though.

The most frustrating thing is that it's exactly something I see happen during my teams' games.

By the way, in our last game, we lost 12-11 in 8 innings (standard games are 7 innings). Here's my official *Regular Season* stats through one game:

Team Record: 0-1

Offense

Blow, Joe: 0-2 (2 BB, K, reached on error, 1 RBI)

Season:
Avg: .000
OBP: .500
Slg: .000
OPS: .500
RBI: 1

Can you say, "sample size"? I love odd stat-lines like that at the beginning of the season. On defense, I again made no errors, but I also only had one put-out opportunity, which was an adventure in fighting the lights. Unfortunately, I got kind of screwed on that strikeout – I came up to bat first in the top of the last inning, our team down by two, and the clock reading 11:30 P.M. Our home-plate umpire, who, by the way, was getting paid to be at this game, apparently decided anything close was going to be a strike, since if we failed to score two the game would end. So, after taking two pitches at eye level, the next two pitches were a good 5-6 inches outside. Strikes, of course. With a 2-2 count, I ended up swinging a pitch so far outside I couldn't reach it, but I knew it would be called strike 3 anyway. The funny part is we ended up scoring two, and only two, so we had to play the bottom of the inning PLUS an extra inning after we held the other team scoreless. haha, extra innings, no extra pay.

Anyway, as far as the game, our lineup construction was terrible (sound familiar, Royals fans?) Now, I'm not a lightning-quick guy, but I can run fairly well, plus I actually know how to run the bases. Naturally, I batted behind the biggest, slowest guy on the team, a guy that moves one base at a time unless the ball rolls all the way to the fence. So, no stolen bases, no going first to third on a single, since I can't be sure he'll try to score from 2nd on a single. Then, our centerfielder went down, and instead of moving me over from left, our team manager lady puts one of the slowest, poorest defenders out there. In centerfield. He completely ran past two grounders up the middle, and played way too deep on most batters, resulting in 3-4 "hits" that should have been caught.

He's also one of the guys I alluded to above, the type with the baseball, uh, "knowledge" that needs to be beat out of players at every opportunity: you know, the guy (and this team is full of them) that, no matter if a runner is two steps away from the plate and he's throwing from centerfield, throws over all cut-off men and tries to get the out at the plate. Again, no one seems to care that this is just as big an error as the pitcher throwing past the first baseman on a pick-off move, as it gives a free base to all runners. Since it's not a blindingly obvious mistake, it's not a mistake at all!

Well, here's a perfect example of the type of guys I'm now apparently stuck with this season:

The situation: down by 2, top of the last inning, nobody on base (and a team full of guys that can't hit home runs).

Me: "This guy can barely throw strikes, we need to take pitches until he can locate 'em."
Random Team Member: "We need to get hits is what we need!"
Me: "Yeah, but we need base runners, and right now a walk is as good as a single."
Random Team Member: "Well, I'll take a walk if I have to, but I hate it! I'm gonna try to hit it!"

Move forward to a couple pitches later – nobody on base, the batter at the plate has worked the count to 3-1.

Team Member (from dugout): "Come on, swing the bat, we don't want no fuckin walks!"

I'm surprised we don't just name ourselves the Moneyballs. But, this is the attitude that's ALWAYS been pervasive in every level of baseball I've played at. Our brilliant centerfield replacement guy, the defensive wizard, also absolutely refuses to take a pitch with 3 balls (yes, I'm amazed he ever gets that far to begin with), and I've seen him strike out on a couple pitches so high over his head that I don't think he could physically hit it anyway. Think about that: he'd rather swing at a pitch he has to look up at than take a walk. These guys will always dive for a ball instead of letting it drop and holding a runner to a single, they try to take an extra base at every opportunity (no matter how silly), and, despite the fact that I reached base 3 out of 4 times in Game 1, it's considered a failure because I never got a hit. It's that mentality that needs to be groomed from every baseball player, and it's exactly what I don't want to see from the Royals. Good coaching should take care of it, though I've yet to see evidence of that. But, then again, we're not exactly dealing with an advanced brain trust when we're talking about baseball players, are we? You just keep hoping..

Frustratingly,
Joe Blow

A small mention to clear the air..

2005-04-27T11:51:00.000-05:00

In the last week or so, someone at ye old Royalboard has apparently taken to posting under the obviously catchy but slightly-used nickname "Royal Blues". just in case there's any confusion, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out: that royalboard poster is not your humble editor here at Royal Blues (wait, did I really need to link to my own site? eh, maybe I can give myself more hits..). Just in case anyone was wondering.

Thank you.

Decidedly,
Joe Blow

JBABL (Joe Blow's Adult Baseball League) Update #1

2005-04-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah, in the interest of…well, me, here are the final pre-season stats (by my calculations) for the 3 exhibition games I played in:

Batting Average: .222
On-Base Percentage: .364
Slugging Percentage: .222
OPS: .586

awesome, yeah, I know. to be fair, it's the first three games of baseball I've played in honestly 10 years. heck, last time I played, the kids could barely even figure out how to hold a curveball, let alone get it to spin.

Game by game:

1: 1-5 (infield single, 2 Ks, two ground-outs)
2: 0-3 (1 BB, 1 K, pop-out, ground out)
3: 1-2 (1 BB, bloop single, fielder's choice), 2 runs scored

I actually broke my metal bat hitting that rocket bloop single. ok, so the cap came out. "broken-metal-bat" single just sounds better. and, as a defense for the first game, the strike-outs were pretty cheap: the lone umpire was calling balls and strikes from somewhere behind the side of the pitcher's mound, and one of the strikeouts came on consecutives curves that were really low.

On the plus side, I've made zero errors in the field so far. I've played 3 innings at 3rd base and 18 innings in left field. I'm really digging left field – in fact, I'd be more than happy to play there every inning of every game. my arm was really sore last sunday, due to trying to throw too hard the day before, but I sure as shit wasn't telling anybody. trust me, the easiest way for a non-hitting new guy on a team to grab a piece of the bench is to let the yokels that run the team know you're hurt. it'll get better.

tonight's the first actual game. I'm excited – the first real game I've had in a long while..

now it's just time to hit the fuckin ball.

Anxiously,
Joe Blow

2005-04-27T11:46:00.000-05:00

Chicago 8, Kansas City 2
Royal Record: 5-12

Chicago 3, Kansas City 2
Royal Record: 5-13

Chicago 4, Kansas City 3
Royal Record: 5-14

Minnesota 2, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 5-15

This team is a joke.

There's no "benefit" or "doubt" or anything to give to the Royals anymore. There's nothing they are actually "good" at: IF, OF, starting pitching, relief pitching, closers, managers, general managers, owners, concessions, marketing, merchandising -- merchandising! (honestly, do you know how hard it is to find good and/or cool royals stuff around town?). while this is still my team, I don't support our "vision" or "plan" or, hell, "personnel".

This team is a reactionary, slow-witted, jumbled mess that lacks the strength, talent, and intellectual ability to succeed at any facet of their existence. Everyone knows I'm a big Royals fan, and I'm tired of defending them to people, because I honestly don't believe they have the ability to accurately analyze and judge any part of their business that would make them successful – finding talent, managing technique and game strategies, or even understanding how to appeal and retain a fan base.

There's not a "strategy" – there's only reaction. It takes strength to look at a team in an unconventional or creative manner and do what it takes to win, even if your typical fan isn't going to understand your process. That is not this team. This is a team apparently run by a group of guys that are slow to both acquire talent or cut losses with former prospects, infatuated with veterans and versatile utility players, and lack the ability to do anything more than meekly follow the lead of teams developing alternative means of evaluating players, while relying heavily on traditional methods that tend to yield high-risk players who are often unable to translate their raw "tools" into useful, effective major league ability. This is not a group of leaders; it's a gathering of poor followers.

Between the Royals organization and MLB, there's no chance. If it were possible for me to root for another team, believe me, I would. I can't imagine there's a professional group more adept at both failing and possessing an inability to recognize complete failure as it presents itself at every opportunity. Instead, there's nothing but shortsighted player moves, haphazard team construction, and an uncanny ability to position the team in the worst alignments on game day. This is supplemented throughout the season by ridiculous gambles and poor decision-making, consistently demonstrating a failure to grasp the principles of winning baseball in every way.

So, let me amend my previous statement: I hate you MLB. And, Royals: I hate you, too.

Resignedly,
Joe Blow

2005-04-22T16:21:00.000-05:00

Minnesota 10, Kansas City 9 (10 innings)
Royal Record: 5-11

I don't think I really want to take more of this. honestly, it's not worth it. it's amazing how one team can be so remarkably inferior in so many different things. while it's true that no one expected anything of this season (maybe the royals should have petitioned the league to just take this year off and return next year recharged and more mature), it's beyond the point of simple frustration. there is literally no chance for this team. I just don't see how every top draft pick, every minor leaguer hyped to us, every free agent signing, everything about this team can turn out *so* wrong. all I know is it's something I can count on every time.

yesterday, I watched a group of professional athletes – we're not talking the laughably bad baseball players that were the "superstars" at my high school, these are guys that are supposed to be infinitely better in every aspect of the game – repeatedly fail at plays that my adult baseball league team full of junior varsity rejects make pretty routinely. and you know we, um, pay to play in a league full of nobodies.

why watch the royals this year? I'm as true-blue as they come, and I'd never bail on my team, but it doesn't mean I have to care as passionately as I have. if this is the year we finally hit our youth movement head-on, why are at least half of the positions on every given day manned by long-time veteran journeymen and one high-priced slugger? our current hopes are pinned on a group of rookies and sophomores who so far either fail just as spectacularly as they succeed, or never even catch of a glimpse of success. it's not fun to watch, because you know the outcome. the royals are the incubation period: you baby the egg, treat it tenderly, nurture the new hatchling through the tough first few years – feeding it, wrapping its broken wing, building its strength, and preparing it for the day it will finally take to the air. of course it's a thing of beauty when all your work has paid off and you finally witness that first majestic flight..

…until, instead circling around and returning home, your baby sails off into the sunset with another flock. then, time to start all over again!

I hate MLB.

I'm glad I have my own baseball to pay attention to this summer, because I really don't think I have it in me to care as much about this team as I'd love to. I think I'll write more about my own team – I know, not interesting to anyone else, and I'd honestly hate to lose the three of you that read this – but if the royals are all I write about, I might as well shut it down now. maybe I'll get back to my sorely neglected record collection. at least my favorite bands and records never turn to shit just because they can't afford to record with high-dollar engineers and equipment. sure wish I could say the same thing about my favorite baseball team..

the royals will still occupy much of this space, but…goddamn. that's about all.

dejectedly,
Joe Blow

2005-04-21T08:31:00.000-05:00

between "vacation" (if that's what you call Detroit) and work, Royal Blues has suffered from lack of posts – just humor me here and at least pretend like you've been anxiously awaiting my return..

besides, I never promised quality *or* quantity.

in fact, because I'm behind once again in game-type recaps, we've secretly replaced your regular royals reading with new R.O.Y.A.L.S. acronyms – see if you can tell the difference!

Kansas City 6, Detroit 5
Royal Record: 4-6

interesting game, great ending with berroa's two-run blast being the difference..

in acronym form:

Rookie
Of
Year
Angel
Lifts
Spirits

see how easy that is! well, what are we waiting for? let's go!

Detroit 7, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 4-7

who said the bullpen was a strength? I sure hope that doesn't appear in any of my posts (I'm pretty sure it doesn't..)

Relievers
Old
Yardbirds;
American
League
Snickers

Detroit 6, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 4-8

you didn't think the royals would perform well against the same guy twice, now did you? maroth shuts the vaunted KC sluggers down..

Royals
Offense:
Yet
Another
Laughable
Score

Cleveland 5, Kansas City 1
Royal Record: 4-9

I attended this game in person, marking the first time I've actually seen these guys this year. it was sad. very sad. in fact, it had me longing for the days of 2003 – you know, that one year current royals fans tend to take solace in, considering it was the only winning season in a long, long time. and then you think about that, and realize that it's truly ridiculous that our success is measured by achieving four games over .500...once.

Really,
ONE
YEAR
Above
Loser
Status

Kansas City 6, Cleveland 5
Royal Record: 5-9

alberto castillo hits a walk-off homer to win a frustrating but exciting game.

Rockin!
Our
Young
Alberto
Launches
Slam

Minnesota 5, Kansas City 4
Royal Record: 5-10

a great moment – Sweeney crushing a 3-run home run off of johan santana to take the lead – eventually wiped out by the bullpen. really, does any other team manage to lose as many games via walk / wild pitch / error / double-play ball hit past a drawn-in infield type of stuff more than the royals? I guess it just goes to show that this year is already in the books..

Royals
O5:
Yet
Another
Losing
Season

S.I.N.C.E.R.E.L.Y.,
Joe Blow

2005-04-15T23:01:00.000-05:00

been an odd week here at the domicile of your humble Royal Blues host, which is about all I can say for my slightly-extended absence. though, it's not like there's been an abundance of quality royals listening to occupy my time. such is the business of free royals writing..

in an effort to encourage conciseness – on my part, of course – I've just about deleted a good four paragraphs worth of crap. seeing as how even *I* didn't feel like reading through them.

basically, we've dispelled of all positive spring training talk and actually seen the royals perform. hey, there were a couple good performances mixed in! the rest...well, you know.

honestly, at this point in the evening, I've already been through a number of quality local hand-crafted brews that I lugged back from michigan (home of the goddamn 10-cent bottle deposit I'll never get back..), so I'm just gonna plow through these and try to get back with you once I've caught up again..

Kansas City 6, Los Angeles Anaheim California 2

Royal Record: 2-2

denny bautista (apparently) pitched great. one of those games I didn't get to hear or see – you'll notice that is a theme for most of these recaps here. mike sweeney with a couple RBIs, paul byrd sucking – isn't that what was supposed to happen? paul byrd was never that good; I'm glad the royals didn't listen to some "fans" and refused to re-sign him. can't say so much for lima. at least he has energy, though. I guess.

Disneyland 8, Kansas City 3

Royal Record: 2-3

why are "spot starters" always so effective against the royals? then again, why are starters in general effective? oh yeah, we can't buy hitters.

lima, uh, sucked. you know, the thing is, I LIKE jose lima. for the most part. he's just one of those guys that will get bombed sometimes and have some strangely effective starts other times. that's royals baseball for you – as it is right now. lima was unnecessary this season, but they signed him, so I pretty much resigned myself to him early on. really, allard just needed somebody with a little bit of name and advertising potential, so I know why he signed him. it still doesn't mean we needed him.

Kansas City 8, CA L.A. Anaheim 3

Royal Record: 3-3

one of the things I like (well, the only thing I like concerning baseball when I'm out of town) is the excitement of waking up the next morning (or, you know, coming home late from a night on the town) and tapping my foot while waiting for the internet to fire up so I can see what the royals did. you brace yourself for a 10-2 loss, and slap the desk when you know that brian anderson is pitching against bartolo colon and the royals win 8-3. I couldn't believe this score! gotay came up big – hey, he played? what, did shawn camp pitch? for all I know, pickering smashed the ball! what, no? oh, emil brown did? you know, I'm starting to like this guy. honestly, having watched, um, ZERO spring training games, and never hearing of the guy before, I was pretty much one of those least qualified to comment on him. but, at the same time, how could I have ever known anything? from what I've heard so far (I still haven't actually *seen* a royals game this year), he sounds like a really solid player. so, good for him. I love when guys like that finally make it. a very solid game here (from the text, anyway).

Seattle 8, Kansas City 2

Royal Record: 3-4

quite an opener. immediately after clearing the security check at the beginning of the terminal at detroit metro airport, I looked in from the opening of the "fox sports" bar-ish garbage to try to see the royals score. I proceeded to watch the slowest crawl ever for a couple minutes, then gave up to ride the terminal-tram to one end of the airport, so I could walk all the way back to the beginning and kill some time. I had 1 ½ hours to kill – after my tram ride and walk back, I had a measly 1 1/4 hours to go. in case you've never been to the new detroit airport, there's subway-ish things (that run above-terminal) that take you from the middle to the end, since it's a huge terminal and lazy people hate to do things like, oh, exercise-ish walking.

when you walk from gate to gate, there are some cool moving sidewalks (cue "99th floor" for 60's garage rock fans ((ah, ok, for everyone actually reading this, nevermind – though, if you followed the link, ZZ top really has nothing to do with this)) -- 60's garage is just one of my things, you know) that allow you to feel like you're walking faster than humanly possible for a moment. well, after traipsing across a bunch of those, i stopped for a moment at my eventual gate. just outside of it was one of the numerous "sports" "bars" i swear i had walked by on a previous journey across the terminal...and happened upon a group of mariners fans sitting at the "bar" (hey, one of them had a hat, and there was a seattle flight close-by – I just assumed). anyway, from what I could tell while I was looking at scores, I had heard, "yeah, they lost big today. at kansas city."

I thought, "yes! they won again!"

after strolling through the terminal for a while, I finally exhausted myself and stopped back by a more empty version of the same bar to check the sports crawl.

Seattle 8, Kansas City 2

"goddammit," I thought. "ah well, I have a flight to catch."
that game sucked, I guess.

Seattle 2, Kansas City 1

what a lame fuckin game! greinke good for 6, cerda gives up 2 (macdougal lamely kicking everyone in the nuts by wild-pitching in the first run), KC finally scoring ONE run when it doesn't matter nearly as much...this is the kind of game I hate, and...fuck I hated this game.

Seattle 10, Kansas City 2

this is the kind of game that doesn't make me feel bad about drinking at lunch. shit, I've had such an odd week of vacation and working and a "sick" day and working and changed flight plans and...oh, suffice it to say that, while drinking at work is never bad, the royals are a lot of the time. this game was sad.

I will be back with news on tonight's game (royals vs. tigers) and my new venture into the KC adult baseball league...hopefully sometime soon, too!

damn, that was long.

exhaustedly,
joe blow

2005-04-07T14:58:00.000-05:00

Tigers 7, Royals 3
Royal Record: 1-2

well, that was certainly an ugly game. greinke goes out, royals offense goes out, then they hit the lights.

i don't have a lot to say, considering i'm leaving for the airport to (godforsaken) detroit in about 5 minutes. today was bad, and tony pena has, apparently, reared his head to reveal the he does, in fact, get lineup advice based on the way his cereal shakes out in the morning (earlier i said alpha-bits, but it's obvious cheerios are his preferred breakfast -- marreroooo (over pickering), graffaninoooo (over gotay -- ending "o" takes precedent) -- pretty much, uh...tony pena likes hunches, let's just say that.

anyway, that was bad, they're going to california, and i'm stuck in detroit once all sane semblance of a kansas city presence (plus tony pena!) has long since departed. so, see ya next week!

also, why do i receive hits for "carlos santiago is a fucking wuss"? who is this carlos santiago, and why is he so weak? maybe you can fill me in while i'm gone!

grudgingly,
joe blow

2005-04-06T16:11:00.000-05:00

Detroit 11, Kansas City 2
Royal Record: 0-1

well, that was certainly ugly on monday, huh? while lima is not really our best pitcher, considering it was in Detroit and he was basically brought in because he had some name recognition among casual fans and a fiery attitude, I don't see much wrong with throwing him out there. except the pitching thing. I like sisco hitting dmitri young, I like pickering hitting a home run, and that's about all there is about that.

Kansas City 7, Detroit 2
Royal Record: 1-1

today, on the other hand, was much better. a good pitching performance by Hernandez, an excellent start with timely hitting by Dejesus, graffanino and Sweeney, berroa smacking a home run early in the season – pretty damn good. while i'm sure someone could dig up some type of complicated formula that would show hernandez was, in fact, the absolute worst pitcher to throw a game yet this season, that's not really my area of expertise, and i'm content to say he did (as stated above) pretty damn good. the only real trouble today was affeldt giving up a run in his one inning of work, which could have easily been two with a little less luck. for some reason, no matter how spectacular his stuff is, I'm afraid affeldt (no matter how much I would like him to) just, apparently, never seems to get it. I can't see him remaining in the "closer" role for very long – in fact, I have a hard time picturing him ever really being effective. he's been around for a few years now, and it's consistently the same story. not a happy one, either.

* * * * *

part of the (very long) entry I alluded to monday had to do with a bit of explanation regarding my previous stumbling little entry about my buddy mr. neyer – mainly, the idea I wanted to get across was that I don't, in fact, hate sabermetrics in general (wouldn't want to drive any of you off, you know). in an effort to implement my new-found fondness for brevity (I'm trying to keep these things shorter), here's a simple explanation: basically, I agree wholeheartedly with most of the ideas saber guys put forth and buy into (note I said "most"). I just can't stand most of the guys that "practice" it.

currently, most of the new ideas I see being created are WAY too complicated and ridiculously overreaching to actually mean anything, and most people I come across that have caught on to the saber-ish style of analysis are just as bad as "traditional" baseball guys –they'll accept anything thrown at them by certain glorified people, and will openly defy questioning any conventional wisdom brought forth from the saber crowd (while still complaining loudly when traditional guys can't see past "old baseball" ideas). I have nothing against saber-types in general. I'm for *all types* of analysis, as long as it's good.

I might have an entry about the fiasco joining the local adult baseball league has become if I have time, though I'll be in Detroit from thursday – monday. of course it's one day too late to catch the royals. dammit..

anyway, that's basically it.

carry on,
joe blow

2005-04-04T08:20:00.000-05:00

Opening day!

(I had a whole long post i started writing on friday, but i didn't finish and now it really doesn't matter because the season's starting and royals stuff will now matter...for at least a month or so!)

2005-03-28T12:55:00.000-06:00

hey, I love the world-view of saber guys who can't help but to judge things by their favorite pet stats:

Rob: Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me! I actually didn’t realize how well Hernandez had pitched in his career, though his strikeout rate does ring a few alarm bells, no? As a major leaguer, he’s struck out 5.04 batters per nine innings. And as I’m sure you know, it’s the rare major leaguer who can pitch effectively for long with that sort of K-rate.

I’m not saying this particular pitcher can’t do it, because of course I’m an Eternal Optimist. And K’s or no K’s, he probably does deserve that spot in the rotation (though I think Mike Wood might be just as qualified). But I’ve got a hard time believing that, long term, Hernandez has any sort of star potential.

wow, it's tough to predict a guy is not going to become a big star in the major leagues, huh? since it's so common and all.. mr. neyer has risen again to bring us this supreme nugget of wisdom: he'd rather see a pitcher strike out more guys per game! incisive! let's see, rob and company don't like low strike out rates, they don't like low doubles/triples/home runs percentage, they like guys that get on base a lot...well, goddamn why don't we just go out and get those high strike-out, power-hitting fellas? oh, wait, that's what every team in history has looked for in an effort to get better. you mean dominant strike-out guys aren't prevalent in MLB? you're telling me high-powered on-base machines don't come cheap in the age of extreme disparities among teams in the major leagues? teams don't take risks and draft guys like, oh, colt griffin and roscoe crosby in the hopes of enjoying the rare talents of those guys that actually have the ability to be the type of dominant player everyone -- stat guys and, um, "other" guys -- enjoy watching? you'd think every team would stock themselves up with power guys, instead of relying on an old low-strikeout mule like hernandez.

it's easy to play saber-baseball in the comfort of your computer screen, but you have to remember that every "good" draft pick becomes a success after the fact, and every team can't pick the "good" ones ahead of time. so, while every saber guy can wish for a high-strikeout pitcher to compliment your high OBP, slugging 3rd baseman, you have to remember that you've had scouts out there trying to find the best possible player at whatever position at every point in the scouting process. and, please don't think that finding a guy that can crush the ball and be selective at the plate, or throw strikes with every pitch and strike guys out at an amazing rate is an everyday thing. those guys are not available to every team, every year – it takes luck and/or money. there's not a high contingent of these "ultimate" players just waiting to join your team. so, in evaluating players, it's just as easy to take their saber-stat lines and project them as (mostly) nobodies and (a few) "prospective" stars as it is to scout players and draft them based on "potential" vs. "stats". basically, as much as the saber/stat contingent would like to believe they've corrupted the scouting area, I've really yet to be convinced that they've actually stumbled upon something that says anything different than what anybody with a bit of common sense already knows – basically, that good hitters will be able to look for good pitches, and that good pitchers will be able to take advantage of lesser-skilled batters. this is, obviously, complicated stuff. required all sorts of trigonometry and calculus-ish formulas. or, you know, common sense. this "sabermetric revolution" can calculate all the complicated formulas it wants, and all the numbers boil down to is commen-sense garbage that any intelligent baseball mind could comprehend: hitting = good. dominant pitching = good. ability to recognize strikes = good. ability to steal bases well = good (just now catching on with the saber-crowd). GOOD DEFENSE = good (though apparently, until the metrics are perfected, this is still a work in progress as far as being more that a sidenote in current discussions). numbers can tell you so much, but if you get caught up in them, you'll NEVER see the big picture. and, trust me, I love numbers as much as anyone. the problem is, you either get it or you don't. and, as much as numbers guys want to get it, some of them can't see outside of their own little sphere. baseball is not numbers itself, and if you can't appreciate an entirely different realm than just sabermetrics, you are missing out on half of the game.

until then, guys like runelvys hernandez will always be looked at questioningly, seeing as how the current pet stat says they probably won't ever be a star. and even if he were to become one, i'm sure someone would be quick to point out how his peripherals and assorted formulaic values show he's just "lucky" to succeed while defying whatever it is that's supposed to predict success these days..

the funniest thing i heard all weekend..

2005-03-21T08:15:00.000-06:00

"bucknell".

2005-03-18T11:54:00.000-06:00

anyway, a nice friday...especially nice since I took a day off of work to celebrate what are (especially being a royals/kansas city sports fans in general) the two best sports days of the year. yeah, a whole afternoon of drinking leftover stout from yesterday and watching NCAA tv on the couch. yesterday's tournament games were a little boring, but, I ain't complaining. I haven't actually entered a paid bracket contest for years, seeing as how I wouldn't want to ruin my one and only victory in the first one I ever entered like 10 years ago. I do fill out the free ones online, though – as far as my national espn/yahoo contest-type brackets: go washington! cause, if they win it all, I gotta say...I have a good chance of winning. over millions. otherwise: go bucknell.

anyway, I cracked open some stouts and cranked up the screeching weasel, so as I could bounce around the apartment while waiting for basketball to start..

as far as the royals: they still playing? are the mathematically eliminated yet? um, spring training, yeah yeah, some guys doing good, some guys not – you know the team's already set, right? but, anyway, the few "contests" going:

pickering vs. harvey: I really think they could use both of those guys. thing is, harvey's a fan favorite, due to being a little tubby and pretty jolly, plus providing some obscenely fortunate hits at very opportune times. thing is, putting a winning team on the field isn't exactly allard baird's #1 priority right now – see, you get rid of one of the only players actually recognizable to most standard royals "fans", and even more people will write off this team (apparent by the fact that, currently, 37% of the voters at kcroyals.com think that ken harvey should bat cleanup after mike sweeney, as opposed to 18% john buck, 19% calvin pickering, and 27% matt stairs. seriously, *any* of those guys should bat cleanup over harvey. I even like harvey – he's just not as good as any of our other 1st baseman candidates). obviously, winning will bring tons more people back, but I doubt calvin pickering alone would make this team more than it is. that said, he goddamn sure should be on this team. that whole "For every two he drives in, he's going to let in one" quote by allard is really, really stupid. first basemen catch throws from professional fielders most of the time, field actual ground balls and bad throws occasionally. I hope allard is not as dumb as that quote makes him sound. I don't know why the royals are averse to, you know, sluggers, but seeing as how, in the age of players with tree trunks posing as legs swinging at expansion-addled pitching staffs our club record home run total is less than half of the artificially-achieved single-season home run "record" – shit, can't we jump on the power bandwagon, too?

gotay vs. graffanino: graffanino is fine, gotay isn't going to ever be a superstar. honestly, for every person calling for gotay to replace graffanino at 2nd, you realize they're gonna be like the same player, right? and, with graffanino already under contract, you have to play him. plus, gotay just doesn't have that much power. he'll be a solid fielder with a decent bat – oh, right, like graffanino. if tony's hurt (again) though, there's no harm in having gotay start the season. and, for those worried about his "free agent" clock ticking – just hope he's still a major leaguer in six years, all right? that's the first concern.

5th starter: bautista vs. gobble vs. tankersley vs. wood vs. jensen vs. appier vs. george – bautista obviously has it. gobble will be up at some point when a starter gets injured, tankersley will be in AAA, wood will be in long relief, jensen will be the kris wilson of last year (always rumored to be coming up for an injured/ineffective starter after gobble), appier is done, and george is gone. it seems pretty obvious to me right now, anyway.

3rd base: teahen vs. truby – well, of course, truby's out with a broken wrist right now. teahen will start, won't be anything special, and, like gotay, you just hope he's even *in* the major leagues in 6 years as something more than a journeyman backup. hey, like truby! good thing we have one to replace another..

shortstop: blanco vs. berroa – why is this a contest? seriously, is this a joke amongst royals fans I'm just not following? blanco make flashy plays – so does berroa! blanco runs fans and hustles hard – so does berroa! blanco hits like shit – berroa can actually hit! I really don't understand why there's a comparison. blanco is wimpy. no one would give us shit in a trade for blanco. he can't possibly top berroa. I don't understand how this discussion is still happening.

outfield: guiel vs. nunez vs. brown – dee brown? whoops, no, emil brown. who? exactly. needs to prove something in the minor leagues. as in: 20 at-bats is not enough to judge a player. nunez? needs to prove something in the minor leagues. as in: has the guy ever proved anything. guiel? I don't mind guiel. I'd actually like to see him playing every day to begin this season. no, he'll probably never be a long-term solution, but I think he's proven enough to actually let him have a shot over a guy who is apparently physically more impressive (nunez) or fortunately lucky (brown). I don't understand why guiel didn't give everything he had to work during the offseason. I mean, really – especially after what happened last season:

“Even from my perspective,” Guiel admitted, “I feel like I probably should have gone to winter ball. Not because I feel like I needed it. Because I feel like they needed it. I don't regret it.”

no shit, aaron? you really kinda screwed yourself there. why would he not go? goddamn man – and I even want to root for you! bad, bad move.

other things: no reason at all to carry 12 pitchers. of course they will. terrence long? I really don't think he'll be that bad. the signing of matt stairs? kind of like carlos febles – the royals apparently like to sign guys that they hope will come back as coaches. fine for your minor league teams, I guess. not fine for the major league ones. matt stairs would be an effective guy, if he didn't clog up two different positions where you've brought in way too many players to play anyway.

last thing – local adult baseball league update:
I went to the local batting cages last weekend. pretty rough at first, considering I haven't actually swung at a fast pitch baseball in pretty much 10 years. I started in the 60 mph cage, and after the second set of pitches was hitting the ball pretty well, so I moved up to 80 mph. took a couple ridiculous misses before I actually started making better contact with the 80 mph balls than in the 60 mph cage. I went through 3 sets of 80's before I called it a day, but I'm pretty pleased with how I did the first time out. honestly, if these guys in the local nobody league can actually even throw 80, I'll be surprised. tryouts are a week from tomorrow – I'm pretty confident right now.

anyway, basketball's up and going – and that's all I got for now.

stoutly,

Joe Blow

2005-03-10T16:10:00.000-06:00

wow, two weeks goes by like nothin', huh? stepping away from royal blues for a bit has brought about – um, has anything happened in royals land? same old, same old, I think. it is spring training, after all.

well, just to beat something into the ground first before I get to today's topic: are you thrilled with guy hansen's carefully crafted program for brian anderson yet? you know, the "take four months off, then throw together a delivery much different than you've been doing your entire professional life" thing? it seems there aren't many who really agree with me about this being a cause for concern, so hopefully it won't be. although Jeffrey flanagan's article about the previous problems with hansen, including the little editorial note about hansen's previous work ethic ("Naturally, there were whispers that Hansen should have been concentrating on his job description, which didn't include video making.") don't really speak too highly of his preparation skills. I'll just say, the results for mr. Anderson so far:

days missed due to a stiff neck: 2 ("It's probably from practicing my (new) delivery 10,000 times in the mirror,” anderson said. sounds like something to work on, oh, before you face actual batters, huh?)
IP: 4.0
ERA: 6.75
H: 4
BB: 4
K: 1

24 days to get good!

* * * * *

anyway, the thing that's caught my attention most so far this spring – it's probably not ever going to be "this guy has been GREAT in four innings!" or "this guy is hitless in his last seven at bats!" because, uh, 1-2 games worth of stats is exciting? – is the article yesterday where a couple of "royals" expressed their opinions of zack greinke's lame performance in a spring training game against the brewers. woo boy, that's news!

I mean, the nerve! experimenting with pitches during spring training! at least he knows how to do his wind-up at this point, right? honestly, it's sad that major league players are whining about playing in the 80 degree sun – "A complete waste of time" is how one "player" characterized it, obviously experiencing a brief moment of nostalgia for the awesome spectacle of last season – although that attitude is not surprising coming from a player. still, I'll always find it sad, considering that after accounting for all the time I spend at work all week, I actually think the idea of spending my free time catching fly balls in a completely meaningless game sounds like fun – that would certainly suck to get paid for it and all. of course, that's why 'ol Joe Blow's planning to try out for the local adult baseball league here in a couple weeks.

not that I've actually played competitive baseball in, oh, 10 years, but there is no goddamn way I'm going back to softball this year. and if these guys are anything like most of the guys that populate the local softball circuits – and all signs from the message board indicate they are – I'm content to sit out the summer parked next to the radio. anyway, as I'm sure you're now dying to know how it goes: I will keep you informed.

but enough of that – back to our point here, what's bothering me about this whole "coach! coach! greinke ain't tryin'!" thing the most is the reaction of the coaching staff itself. to read into it, here's a quote from greinke himself about talking to some veteran players:

"It's spring training. It doesn't really mean anything. But they told me they still like to see everyone give 100 percent. After talking to them, I know I can't go out there and just (experiment) anymore."

no, no, no! that is not a good attitude to instill in a young player. practicing during the offseason is one thing, but actually getting to face live hitters from a different team with an opportunity to work on techniques and ideas in a game situation is not something you have unlimited chances to do. from what I've read since he joined the organization, greinke seems to be the type that actually approaches the game with a plan in mind. he seems to realize that while possessing unusual abilities is what gets you to the major leagues, understanding the game and applying some thought and intelligence is what allows you to succeed. the problem with a lot of players – royals especially, it seems – is that they're either old, weak, or "tools guys". basically, most of the players either don't possess the abilities to succeed on talent alone, or they don't seem to understand how to play the game. hence, you end up with a team full of players that always end up out of position, throwing pitches that are expected, getting hit in the back with relay throws, etc. the pitchers don’t seem to grasp the philosophy of pitching, and the hitters always seem off-balance against every pitcher.

and I think it's players with ideas like the above that are the problem. you take a guy that tries to be ahead of the game, and whine to him that you don't like standing in the field while hitters hit the ball in spring training. shut up! and, what (finally) brings me to the coaching aspect is: these guys seem to (quietly) agree with the complaining!

allard baird:

"I don't think he wasn't competing," Baird said. “That would be an issue with me. I like the approach. I like the upper-echelon level of thinking for such a young man. That's great.
“But as you start to move to the next game, you want to see him throw a change-up that paints the black. That his fastball at that speed hits the spot. That you stay out of the middle of the plate.”

ok, ok, not bad. although I would also say, "no shit, allard!" at the same time. of course we have tony pena and guy hansen offering such dynamite information as "But he said he wanted to throw the ball down the middle to see if they could handle it. I guess they could.” and " “I think he stayed with that too long.” funny guys, those coaches. he obviously didn't expect to blow that shit by 'em, but nothing positive about his willingness to experiment is ever going to come out of these guys' mouths, you know?

unfortunately, what allard's done is, while not directly chastising greinke, thrown in that, "but…" and indirectly indicated that he didn't really like what he was doing at the same time. as in, "but, next game, he better do it different." the thing is, allard is the one that needs to celebrate his approach and not add any caveats. by saying nothing more than what he's said, he seems to be allowing the other players' complaints to stand as is. there's nothing wrong with experimenting, and the royals can't be afraid of acknowledging that. unfortunately, while lately they seem to be spouting more common-sense, intelligent approaches to their player selection and development, the royals will seemingly be forever behind the curve. this team needs just about everyone to take a different, thoughtful approach to the game, not a team full of guys trying to stop the ones that are. we need smarter players, and we need smarter characters in the front office that are able to identify them. it just doesn't seem that there's anybody in this organization that's a forward-thinker at all. what we get instead is a front-office desperately trying to keep up-to-date on what other organizations are doing, and a coaching staff built on cheerleading and "hunches".

but, hey, I hear we're working on teaching our catchers/first basemen to tag up from first and all.

thoughtfully,

Joe Blow

2005-02-25T14:19:00.000-06:00

so, as you (three people) may have noticed, royal blues has updated its look. yes, now it is truly spectacular. i will work on the links section later; for now, just getting things to actually appear in royal-like colors is a step in the right direction. you'll notice i still have not mastered the blogspot-type template intricacies. that will continue. i'd say the next piece may be to finally free this little spot from being the "least advertised web site ever". honestly, if it wasn't for harley's Royals Baseball link, i don't think i'd ever get any hits (and, as i say that, he's apparently gone on hiatus!)...well, there's always the odd web search anyway:

carlos santiago is a fucking wuss
cartoon pitchers for gay men
physical anomalies/kansas city missouri

that's what i'm here for!

yours truly,
Joe Blow

2005-02-24T16:27:00.000-06:00

according to an article in the KC star today, new royals pitching coach guy hansen has apparently detected an obvious flaw in brian anderson's delivery that led him to completely restructure brian's pitching motion. how serious was it? well, in hansen's own words:

"I don't think I've been around a professional who had worse deception (in his pitching motion) than he had."

to most royals fans, this would sound like a positive step – and, don't get me wrong, it very well may be. who wouldn't want a better brian anderson? but, in another way, this reflects poorly on the royals coaching staff. I mean, look at that quote again. how long has hansen been a coach in the major leagues? something that serious sounds as if it would be an obvious flaw, something that would be immediately noticeable to a professional pitching coach.

so, the question is, why are they just beginning to work on it?

hansen was named to the royals staff at the beginning of october, meaning he's had over four whole months to study our pitchers and make whatever changes he deems necessary. yet, barely more than a month before the regular season starts, he has completely changed anderson's delivery. that may be enough time to truly work itself in successfully but, then again, it may not. why take a chance? you really want a pitcher facing major league quality hitting with an unsettled pitching motion? this is something that easily could have been worked on over the winter. in fact, don't you just assume that's what professional baseball players and their coaches are doing? not sure about you, but my job actually expects me to come in all year long. crazy, I know, but probably something the royals might want to consider, too..

2005-02-22T16:17:00.000-06:00

so, with spring training pretty much here for the most part (can you ever really tell when it actually starts?) there are all the obvious questions: will the rotation be healthy? will the young players come around? will the veterans blah blah blah…at this point, who knows and who cares? obviously most would look at this team and conclude without much effort that the royals really don't need to worry about silly things like contending. which is probably right. but, you never know – every season there are surprises. sound predictions go down the tubes and easy predictions turn out to be incredibly wrong.

as is seemingly both sound and easy, most people are piling on the royals once again. picking them last, continuing to kick the farm system around, shaking their heads at the moves made by the organization. strangely, columnist and stat guys still aren't getting paid based on their predictions. meaning they don't really have to worry about getting just about everything wrong. which is good, cause it'd be a shame to have guys who make a living being professional bandwagon hoppers…err, "fans of the game", have to live off their belly fat for a while. you can look at the numbers all you want and tease them every which way and have no idea what you're talking about. you can be a professional baseball guy who's been around the game for 35 years and have just as much idea what's gonna happen as some average guy sitting in his office wasting time writing about his favorite team on the company's dime.

which is pretty much what happens. it's amazing how often sports guys immediately see the "talent" and "solid construction" of a team that happens to be winning. pre-season predictions are worth nothing more than their ability to fill that gap of time sports fans long to waste before their season actually starts. just don't put any stock into them.

amazing how most of the teams that won last year are being picked to win again this year, isn't it? of course there's that whole money-big market-ridiculous disparity in media coverage thing that makes it a lot easier to guess which teams will be winners. but that's something for us to boot around the rest of the season. I just can't stand to read any predictions about this year – mostly because it makes me mad there are people that actually get paid to write whatever garbage they feel like making up.

I would like one of those gigs.

what's worse is that we're only days away from spring training and this season is already dragging. I think the only thing that'll help it heat up is when the weather stops with this cold nonsense. that, or a nice Fun House pizza and a few bottles of stout..

draggingly,

Joe Blow

auntie em, auntie em...there were pitchers...and catchers...and lots of guys with no common sense..

2005-02-17T22:09:00.000-06:00

*yaaaaaawn*

who's the...what the...woah, hey, what's going on?

what happened? last i remember, the royals strung together a great run followed by a ridiculous lack of action down the stretch that doomed them to also-rans...florida strangely won the series with a team of oddly effective speed guys and young pitching, and baseball once again showed that a miraculous flash-in-the-pan, lightning-in-the-bottle team is all that's needed to overcome any type of horribly stupid payroll model set up to enable the biggest teams to easily take advantage of that. i mean, i remember the royals afterwards signing a couple guys to help for the next season...high-risk guys with short contracts. god i hoped it'd work...

anyway, i've been out for a while (must have been all the boulevard dry stouts i chugged trying to both celebrate / forget the royals circa 2003).

i mean, even if i forget the last good season in many...you can't take away my 1985 "The Thrill of it All" World Championship video. until it breaks, at least..

anyway, lemme check the baseball archives here, i'm a little dazed after my long time out...make sure i didn't miss anything.

i'm sure it's business as usu..

wait, how long have i been out??
boston won the world series?
after being down 3-0?
randy johnson's now a yankee?
pedro martinez is now a met?
carlos beltran's greedy ass went to the biggest market he could find?
NY, BOS, BAL, NYM, SEA, FLA, CHI, etc. are the big players in free agency?
the tigers landed another questionable free agent after realizing they can spend money, too?
the twins are pretty much the same team as always -- easily beatable yet a "model franchise"?
the a's are screwed with only 1 of the "big 3" left, due to the inevitable "lightning in a bottle ain't that easy to catch" thing?
the royals are in a "youth movement"?
and no one cares?
and they've TURNED DOWN a new stadium?
meanwhile, the other teams are laughing?
oh wait, cause they're gonna beat them again?
baseball is still completely retarded and has no interest in fixing itself?

ok! so it's business as usual..
god damn.

i think i better switch to porter now.
there are small signs it might be a long season..

welcome back,
joe blow

"...and the Boston Red Sox win the World Series!"

2004-10-28T07:43:00.000-05:00

That's enough to make you puke.

2004-08-28T15:06:00.000-05:00

a recent post on ye old royalboard.com pointed out that carlos beltran has an opportunity to become one of MLB's few 40/40 guys (40 home runs, 40 stolen bases).

and my question is, how can you possibly like this guy?

let's see, here's his splits for just this year (yes, i know the formatting is fucked up. i'm not fixing it. if you care, you can check it here):

YEAR G AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO SB CS BA OBP SLG OPS
2004 - AL 69 266 51 74 19 2 15 51 37 44 14 3 .278 .367 .534 .901
2004 - NL 56 210 41 55 12 1 20 44 31 35 19 0 .262 .360 .614 .975

he hits for a poor average this year, especially after the trade, but according to sabermetric thinking, we apparently don't care about that...so, in fewer games and fewer at-bats, he has more home runs and a higher OPS, plus comparable other peripherals. what is it, more effort now that he's out of kansas city? is he happy that he's now on a winning team (ha!)...what?

anyway, who cares? i can't believe that any KC Royals fans would root for this guy. we brought him up, we groomed him, we suffered through the awful sophomore campaign, as well as his lame attitude -- including his gigantic crybaby failure over being asked to report for a rehab assignment (hey, carlos, all we were asking is that you shaped your shit up) -- and waited and waited for him to finally break through, only to see him demand SO MUCH after a couple of years that there was no way in hell we could afford him. it wouldn't bother me to see him go all jermaine dye on us and suffer a season-ending injury. every season.

i don't blame him for wanting to make a lot of money, and i don't blame royals management for not wanting to pay him that ridiculous sum...but where does that leave us as fans? i have no reason to like any of these guys. so, no, i don't wish him continued success.

think about it: mike sweeney is a fan "favorite". yes, I know, a lot of people don't like his lame-ass "good guy" act or his overwhelmingly ridiculous faith in jesus to help his game along. but that's mike sweeney the gigantic dork, for the most part. the other part is the fact that he gets injured every year. multiple times. his hitting is always less than he's capable of because he's NEVER ever 100%. never going to be, either. and, now, he's done for the year.

so, how much did mike sweeney make sitting on the bench last night? $68,000. each night. every night. every game, no matter if he sucks, or if he plays, or if he stays at home in kansas city recuperating. mike sweeney makes more on a "day off" than I hope to make if I get promoted to management at work. mike makes enough during one game to pay off everything I own for the entire year, and still have tens of thousands of dollars left over. and that's one game. there are 161 more games left to completely have every single thing paid for over and over and just massive amounts of money left. mike seems like a nice guy. he's taken advantage of the opportunities presented to him.

he's still a complete, total asshole. just add him to the list. there are thousands of millionaires and billionaires bilking idiots out of their money. and there's always a willing supply of chumps forking over their hard-earned, well-limited funds to watch these guys spit on them repeatedly. mike sweeney makes money because his bosses are willing to pay it. his bosses are willing to pay it because royals fans keep putting money in their pocket, either through going to games, or paying taxes to kansas city, or buying their crappy overpriced merchandise. WHY?

carlos beltran thinks so much of himself – thinks he is SO good – that he deserves $92,600 every game. 162 games a year. for 5-6 years. whether he plays or not. whether he jermaine dye's himself in the first game next year and never plays again. $92,600 to watch baseball on TV like the rest of us chumps. he might – *might* – have enough to pony up $200 for the MLB extra innings package if he budgets well.

this makes me sick. I try not to think about this bullshit. I don't want to be a part of it, and it almost makes me feel ashamed that I continue to support this horrible system. these guys don't care what the fuck happens. management really doesn't care – as long as they don't lose money! WHAT?!? what kind of business is this? where did this idea come in: "It's ok to own a team, as long as I don't lose money on it!" what's that? investing in business isn't a risk? you mean multi-millionaires and billionaires shouldn't have to worry about investing in a high profile, fun business and losing money!? yeah, that's exactly what we should worry about. god forbid these complete horrible assholes don't lose 1/200th of their net worth due to awful stupid decisions they themselves made. so sad. these guys need a fuckin fork in the eyes...and we'll follow that up by jabbing the players with the same utensil.

so, who cares what the royals do? I try not to think about it, because then I won't want to follow it. but why follow it anyway? all the royals care about is whether or not we'll spend more money to see them. really makes you feel good.

well, I've succeeded in making myself sick again.

god bless,
Joe Blow.

2004-08-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

hi. ok, royal blues is not dead.

that's about the best I can say. to be honest with you loyal royal types (the two of you that might still check in here): are you following this team? how closely? to make myself sound as I don't want to sound, I'll still say: as I get a little older, and have followed them for a little longer, I realize that the amount of energy I've invested in this losing team year after year listening to complete crap just isn't worth the dwindling amount of time I have available now that I've truly been a full-time member of the working force for a few years now. I mean, I love the royals, I truly do. but, sometimes, it's a losing proposition. I didn't think it would happen to me, but in some ways, it has.

I mean, to either date myself or prove what a kid I am or whatever, I'll say: I just had my 25th birthday last weekend. my presents: a royal blue hooded sweatshirt (that says "royals" on the front) from my girlfriend and a royal blue jacket (that says "royals" on the front) from my mom. something tells me the people closest to me somehow know I'm a huge royals fan. no one really knows why, but the knowledge that I just somehow never give up on these chumps has been burned into just about everyone that knows me.

and the main question *is*, "why?"

well, why do you love these guys? mine has most to do with 1) I'm from kansas city 2) I'm a baseball fan 3) you have to root for your hometown team! it's that simple. I mean, my mom thinks it has to do with my grandma being a huge royals fan, and I don't doubt that's true, too. she's the one that took me to many games when I was little. but, playing baseball (and basketball) when I was a kid, I always looked up to my local teams – royals, missouri tigers, chiefs..it's just...what other teams are you gonna root for? you can't just pick and choose. you can't decide who you like based on who's good. and any royals fans know this. but, as easy as it is for people who either hopped on a bandwagon because a team always contends or happened to be born in a storied, large-market team's city to laugh at fans of a now perpetually hopeless cause like the royals, it just ingrains it deeper. you can't give up on a team. you can hate it when everyone who makes fun of the team hops back on when they start winning, but you still can't give up on them. I mean, last year (2003) when the royals were winning and on top of the division, I went to fewer games than I'd been to in four or five seasons. I loved the team just as much as ever – in fact, I lived and breathed every game – but something about the people giving me shit for liking a bunch of losers suddenly being hyped to go to the games rubbed me wrong. but I guess that's the plight of every winning team's old fans. yeah, I haven't been there from the beginning, but I'm as old a fan as I can be. you can't wish for much else.

and, so, it's sad to watch this team. it's hard to watch them make bad moves. it's hard to watch them relegated to flipping coins into a fountain, wishing that the guys dropped by the absolute worst teams will convert themselves into diamonds. it's sad to watch professionals play defense like the dummies on my (old) softball team. it's awful to both listen to the team hype pitcher after pitcher, and then watch pitcher after pitcher both run themselves and the team into the ground. I, just...I like allard baird right now. I didn't at first, but I do now. but he still hasn't figured out exactly what he's doing. listen to ryan lefebvre and fred white tonight. I like ryan; I don't like fred. but they both love david eckstein, a guy sabermetric guys would tell you isn't a good player, doesn't belong on a major league squad, and all that. but, like they're saying (and I'm not vouching for david eckstein, let me say that – I don't know a lot about him), "he just knows how to play". seriously, fuck tools. fuck "potential". you can watch guys, and see if they know how to play. if they make the right decisions, and know what they're doing at the plate or on the mound or in the field. those are the guys you want. unfortunately – and I mean, yes, it takes a special type of talent to succeed at the major league level, but we're assuming the high minor-league guys at least have the potential, or they wouldn't be there – why is kansas city stocked with guys at pretty much every position that just don't get it? guys that can't read pitches and know nothing about cut-off men and can't change speeds for the life of them and can't keep their head in *every* game? there's something wrong. there's something wrong with the training staff, and there's something wrong with the manager, and there's something wrong with our player / personnel people, but, honestly, our players just plain don't know how to play. and we have no one who can teach it to them AT ALL. so, for this season, I just can't invest myself in listening to every subtle nuance of the complete stupidity of this team.

but, anyway, I'll try to be back to actually offer up suggestions on how this team can get better. at some point.

later.

your pal,
Joe Blow.

2004-08-02T20:20:00.000-05:00

well, I wasn't quite as eloquent as I anticipated in the last post. throw some cheap liquor in front of a disgruntled royals fan and sit him down in front of a computer...and that's what you get.
anyway, my basic point was, well, a few things:

1) sabermetrics are not the end-all be-all. I was interested in seeing what they were all about before all the furor exploded over the last couple of years, but as I looked into it, it just seemed that some of these guys are trying too hard and laying claim to too much. sure, there are benefits to looking at more than just the basic stats like batting average, RBIs, wins, etc – but that's obvious. intelligent baseball fans have known that for many, many years. the fact that there are people making decisions for major league squads that don't seem particularly adept at making good decisions shouldn't be surprising. look around at the place you work – how many people above you do you think make great decisions all the time? the fact is, people can rank very high in command and still not be qualified to hold that position. much has been made of the saber-GMs making their way into the ranks in a few MLB franchises, and it's been proclaimed that these sabermetric ideas are just now really "catching on" in major league baseball. but it's pretty silly if you think about it: the most basic ones – getting on base, getting a lot of extra base hits, don't get thrown out stealing a lot, strike out a lot of guys – come on people, these are revelations? a lot of the stats are so convoluted and context-dependant that they go against themselves from year to year. royals stadium moved the fences in some parts of the park back TEN FEET, and suddenly the park goes from one of the highest scoring parks to one of the toughest to score runs in? oriole park at camden yards changes nothing and completely reverses roles? how can you draw any meaningful inferences from the park factors the last couple of years? seriously? it's easy to sum up numbers and provide analysis of who kicked ass and who sucked in the past. the problem is baseball teams have to project it into the future, guarantee millions, and hope when all the baseball geeks sit around at the end of the next few seasons, they're not looking at that team's players and saying, "wow, what an idiot, they totally blew it signing this guy. this team is being run into the ground."

2) baseball decisions aren't made through a cold, hard look at numbers. if so, wouldn't the royals still have an outfield of ibanez / beltran / dye (not including johnny damon cause I hate him...I hate dye, too, but I think he'd still be here) right now instead of brown / dejesus / mateo? don't you think the minnesota twins would have rather had a couple years of mark prior already than an injury-plagued season of joe mauer? and don't tell me the twins wouldn't have taken prior if they could have. the thing is, it's pretty easy to look at some guys and accurately predict they're gonna kick ass. and, for every guy you can do that for, the royals rank somewhere in the 30's in "order of preference" for that player. unless it's mike sweeney, which a lot of royals fans feel good about hating. it's easier for fans of other teams to chide a team like the royals for not spending as much money as them than it is for fans of those teams to admit that it's just not fair to expect that. they'll bring up the A's and the Twins and the Marlins. what do those teams have in common? they caught lightning in a bottle, with a lot of young players all turning in good seasons at the same time. they didn't just get solid seasons from a couple of key players and mediocre performances from the rest – they got it from enough players to make it count. it's really a pretty fine line from poor team to decent contender, and a couple of players truly can make a difference. the royals haven't found that at the same time the past few years. remember, back in 1990, KC had the HIGHEST payroll in the major leagues – yep, $23,873,745. the next year, Oakland had the highest paid team. now they're considered the bottom suckers, though oakland not so much so anymore. but it's completely out of fuckin control, and the fact that a couple of teams have managed to be good for a couple of years due to their players being too young to be making the amount of money comparable to their production speaks much more to luck than to a particular strategy's success. like I said last time, imagine oakland had drafted kyle snyder instead of barry zito in 1999, or the twins picking dee brown instead of jacque jones in 1996. sometimes players work out, and sometimes they don't. but a lot of times it's not fair to fault the decisions after you already know the conclusion. likewise, deifying people after they're successful is a heck of a lot easier than knowing they've done well at the time the decisions were made. rob neyer completely chastised allard baird for letting raul ibanez put on a royals uniform at all – I'd say that worked out pretty well. almost everybody at baseballprospectus considered carlos pena a can't-miss, oakland-superstar in-the-bag guy, yet oakland later shipped him off to detroit, where he's been quietly average. what – the magical A's couldn't groom him into a superstar? what happened? erubiel durazo was another favorite. he's having a pretty good season for oakland at age 29. according to a lot of sabermetric guys, he's over the hump and going downhill. he makes $2,100,000 this year. that would make him the 5th highest paid player on the royals -- behind sweeney (good), gonzalez (prick), randa (gone after this year), anderson (bust), and santiago (not very useful). will he make more next season? yes. though, current "wisdom" says he's "undervalued" in the saber-market. as soon as he makes more: he's overvalued. he'll he'll be 3 years past 27 next year! it get stupid. he'll be useful, but as a mostly immobile first-baseman / DH, his contribution will be REPLACEABLE at best. pretty much every player is replaceable in saber-world. if a baseball analyst makes prediction after prediction, they'll fail, they'll succeed, and they'll get a couple draws. it doesn't matter. if a baseball GM does that, it'll cost 'em millions, their team – which has a small shot of winning anyway – most likely won't make one of the 8 playoff spots, it'll be a "total failure", and every decision they made that didn't turn out awesome will be pointed to as proof of incompetence. stats guys – maybe you should keep a running total of your failed predictions, too...we'll judge your numbers at the end of the season, maybe cut you for a rookie making the minimum, and laugh at anybody willing to take you on, since you're obviously "replaceable" for cheap.

3) don't any of these stat guys care about anything except offense? I know, there are defensive metrics out there, but they're not given near enough weight. and, yes, I know "THE OAKLAND A'S ARE DEVELOPING NEW DEFENSIVE METRICS." I don't know that you'll ever be able to judge defense by numbers. you just have to watch guys. that's the only way to know. and, honestly, I think a brilliant defensive guy like rey sanchez at least used to be is worth more than he's given credit for. his contract demand after leaving the royals was silly, but playing sparkling defense and hitting an "empty" .280 contributes more than current thinking would lead you to believe.

4) the most undervalued player trait: intelligence. unfortunately, the most athletically gifted guys are usually some of the dumbest, and EVERY TEAM IN BASEBALL values athletic gifts over intelligence. so it is..

* * * * * *

I went to the royals game on Friday night, watching them lose to cleveland 7-6 in 11 innings. it was an unexpected experience – first of all, 32,000 people were there when it was all said and done, about 20,000 more than was there at first pitch. we moved from the hy-vee view level to the old G.A. seats, and were fortunate enough to pick two seats pretty far back that happened not to be taken, as just about every other seat around us filled in. the game was bleak at first, as brian anderson was announced as the starting pitcher. and then he pitched. down 5-0 early, the royals battled back, tying the game, before giving up a run in the 8th. then came the 9th... with dejesus on second and two out, we cheered. a wild pitch sent him to third and, as we secretly wished for another, randa walked...and then (and then...ah ah!) sweeney ripped a double down the left field line on the first pitch. unfortunately, joe randa had an extra helping of gravy in the clubhouse before the game, which slowed him down and took an "OH MY GOD, WE JUST WON IT!!" excitement down to a "how in the world did he get thrown out?!? oh yeah, it's joe randa..." feeling within a couple seconds. they absolutely should have sent him, but they also could have maybe possibly thought about pinch-running for him – since desi relaford (who had pinch-hit earlier in the inning) came in to play defense for him in the 10th anyway. then the royals almost coughed up a run on a wild pitch in the 10th, as the ball bounced off buck and sailed HIGH in the air – only to see him run it down, flip to cerda, and record an out in one breathtaking moment. breathtaking because we had all already used it cussing up a storm as the ball floated high in the air towards the backstop. I was VERY surprised at the way the royals fans in attendance stayed *loud* and into the game. they were very excited. I mean, it was buck night and fireworks night, but everyone was into the game. and then the royals lost, and we nodded our heads with expectedness.

Saturday, I went to a t-bones game. this was the first t-bones game I'd ever been to, and, honestly, I can't say I was too impressed. this was definitely minor league, from the game to the "entertainment" to the crowd. the only thing not minor league is the prices – these guys realize they're nobodies and they suck, right? the tickets were only a little lower than the royals, and the merchandise was just as much. not a chance I'm buying that shit. the game was full of sloppy offense and miserable defense and, seriously, pitchers *I* could hit. I happened to get a seat in the second row directly behind home plate – and thank god for nylon nets, or else I would have taken a line drive directly in the face – but I was able to read the pitches in plenty of time to know where they were going. I thought it was really neat to be able to sit in that spot and so close to the game, since I will never, ever get that opportunity at a royals game, but I wasn't impressed with the pitching. the highest anyone got was 86 (very rarely), and most pitches topped out at about 82 on a fastball. not to mention that half of the pitchers were sidearmers, and that almost every hitter bats about .235. the t-bones have one big boy, eddie pearson, who most definitely won't play for them next year, as he can certainly hit. not sure about his fielding since he was a DH Saturday, though I'm sure he's a first baseman. but, as long as he can actually catch a ball, he's got a leg up on most of the guys. what do these guys do when baseball season is over? they have to have shitty jobs, as playing for the t-bones surely couldn't pay the bills all year, and what job's gonna give you every summer off to play minor-minor league baseball? they have to know there's absolutely no future in pro baseball for any of 'em, right? watching this game was like watching one of my softball games – most teams don't go out and win the game so much as they wait for the other team to screw up. this was no different. anyway, the t-bones eventually won 9-4, the between-innings "entertainment" was horrifically awful, not only were the fireworks lame but they left the freakin' ballpark lights on for the grounds crew, everything cost just as much as a royals game, and "free parking" means you park in an unmowed field.

so, it's back to the K for me..

2004-07-29T23:30:00.000-05:00

the royals break out ZPG again.

god I hate this team.

in fact, here goes:

I hate you, MLB.

you are the absolute worst sport to follow. measure yourself up. pick anyone, I don't care.

let's go through a few laughable solutions:

NFL: these guys have shoved so many boots in your ass, it's just painful to watch. hey, the giants just gave eli manning (i.e. ASSHOLE) a $20 million signing bonus! and, sadly, that's another foot in your ass! because, see, if the giants spend way too much money on a pampered, spoiled brat that doesn't work out, well, that's money they didn't get to spend on other positions. if the yankees spend way too much money on a pampered, spoiled brat that doesn't work out...that's just lost money! but they can buy another for reserve. I mean, another four in reserve! there's absolutely zero penalty.

NBA: same deal. say someone like, oh, L.A. manages to luck out and score up a big name, high-priced free agent. we'll call him SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. well, they obviously can't compete with a huge market powerhouse team like miami, right? so they're *forced* to trade off their superstar SHAQUILLE O'NEAL (and his salary!) once a contract year hits...it's just a travesty. a small-market like L.A. just can't keep the people they develop. they're stuck with leftover scrubs like KOBE BRYANT and the like. wait, what's that? every team in the league can afford big-name free agents pretty much any season as long as they're not complete salary morons?!? what a concept!

do I even have to go on? MLB is the stupidest goddamn league ever in existence. I guess they think that just because their "product" is the "best", they don't have to worry about shit ever. keep things going on as however they go on, and it's, uh, great!

fuck it. I hate MLB, I already hated most of the teams, and I'm almost really starting to hate the royals. and, it's not even the royals so much as hating being a royals fan. there's no chance. and, what little chance there might have been, the "moneyball" "revolution" (and I use "revolution" in very RIDICULOUS quotes) have pretty much ruined any chance a "small-market" team had.

look at it like this: what the fuck is a small-market major league baseball franchise? as far as market size, kansas city is the smallest. do they lose $20 million a year? not a fuckin chance. but that's another argument.

do they bring in a LOT less money than a market like new york or boston? absolutely. is there ANY REASON WHATSOEVER why these teams shouldn't be able to spend the exact same amount of money? not at all. not a fuckin chance. there is absolutely ZERO reason WHATSOEVER that a team in the same league playing the same caliber of teams shouldn't have equal footing to make the same decisions and same mistakes than any team can make.

yet, MLB is fucked beyond belief and stupid as shit.

they say there's no problem with this. a team in a MASSIVELY bigger market bringing in MANY TIMES the revenue of other teams can spend, and spend, and spend at will, and, shit, why the fuck can't you beat them? oakland managed to win a little against slightly similar teams, and minnesota managed to squeak out victories against teams that spend like they do, and...ya know what, fuck it. moneyball fucked fans of teams like the royals in a lot of ways.

here's how it goes:

oakland wins because of three reasons:
1) mark mulder
2) tim hudson
3) barry zito

and, no, I don't even care that barry zito has said before that his favorite band is NOFX, who was my favorite band until I was like 18 or 19. while cool, he's fucked the royals over, so that's little consolation. I read before (and it seems impossible to find a link now, so you just have to trust me =) ) that the oakland A's were planning on choosing Kyle Snyder (RHP, Royals disabled list) in the 1999 draft, had the royals not taken him 2 spots before. I think it was perpetual bandwagon hoppers Rob & Rany that said it before most prominently, although their running archive is amazingly not available...crazy, huh?! anyway, say the a's had taken snyder...then the "big three" would have been the "big two", and no one would have even bothered to concoct that nickname, since the a's would have had two good pitchers and a bunch of shit, seeing as how snyder would have been perpetually injured in any organization (please don't blame HIM on the royals)...and, then, the a's would have proven the DIVISION-WINNING difference between having two dominant pitchers and three. landing zito after snyder spawned a whole generation of misguided baseball "minds" that will inevitable idolize guys that, while seemingly smart, can't compete with squads that can simply buy players that everyone knows is good, rather than try to scrape "unknown" guys that will contribute just as well. by letting in on any sort of "secrets" (if you really believe that), these so-called "moneyball" teams will find themselves consistently at the bottom of the pile, as teams that can actually spend money will now buy players who have supposedly been scientifically "proven" to excel. basically, hey, thanks guys for evaluating players based on more criteria for us, now we will buy them instead of you.

basically, here's how it works:

– the royals draft someone that turns out to be good

team: "we certainly hope they can help us compete in the near future.."
experts: "the royals farm system has turned up some quality players who are expected to fill in well at the big-league level. this farm system is STOCKED.."
the royals: "there is certainly a learning curve. we are in a rebuilding mode."

the royals don't win 75% of their games..

experts: "the royals system is COMPLETELY DEVOID OF TALENT."
royals: "we are bringing up so-and-so to replace so-and-so, to see if so-and-so is ready for the majors...if not, so-and-so will contribute next year."
other teams: "here's some bubble gum and a smack in the face. now give us your player that's proven he is actually good at this level."
royals: "we really expect the bubble gum to compete at the major league level within the next two years."
royals fans: "why the fuck can't we possibly keep one fuckin player who we already know is good?"
other royals fans: "we kept the one guy who was good. everyone sucks around him, but he STILL doesn't win. maybe we can get rid of his successful ass for a couple guys that we have no idea if they'll ever possibly contribute at the AA level, let alone the major leagues. they're cheaper anyway.."
royals: "we have traded the guy that represented any semblance of a chance we had as a winner, much like the guys before him that could have helped us compete, to some team that actually spends money and sent us crap and PLEASE STILL GO TO THE GAMES, because otherwise our super-rich multi-millionaire owner may have to claim he's losing money on a venture that's entirely money-making any way you look at it...ok, he will anyway. but he would like to see us win, you know? he's in now way willing to spend any money at all to buy a winner, but he would sure like it if he could spend almost ZERO and have the team win and have ~~suckers~~ fans come out and see the WINNING team. remember winning? do you? ownership would sure like to see these ~~scrubs~~ win something, for sure..
MLB: "look, some other team got lucky as they happened to scrape through horrible season after horrible season to bring up like 3 guys that can play decently at the same time, which means they magically made it to the playoffs, which makes MLB smile because we can claim that your sorry ass team that spends less than 1/5 of what other teams spend should be able to beat them regularly apparently...as long as you make good offseason moves, of course! no, don't pay attention to that massively high-priced guy going to one of the teams that spends 500% more than you. you want to be contracted?!"

god, I'm getting too tired and a little bit too tipsy to keep going. basically, the royals will supposedly never be able to afford SHIT. it'll have to be cheap-o rookie shit or nothing. baseball gets stupider and stupider, and the dumb mother fuckers that buy into everything baseballprospectus and all yer sabermetric worshippers/authors write are fucking this game even more. you know it's crap, right? you can create just about any "metric" to prove whatever you want. no, I don't agree with a dumbfuck like buster olney's "productive outs", but there is such a thing. yes, joe morgan is a GIGANTIC idiot in just about everything that ever comes out of his mouth, but there *is* some value in old-time baseball evaluation. sadly, people like simple answers and one solution from one source, so even if they think they're on the cutting edge of analysis, they're still swiping their analysis from people that don't exactly have it right. which is how billy beane can get judged a genius, even though all he really did was luck into three dominant starting pitchers. let's see the oakland a's minus one or two of those jerks, assuming the other teams in the division haven't completely dismantled. then billy beans probably won't look like wanking material to so many "sabermetric" guys.

anyway, forget about the royals the rest of this year. or next year. or the next year. we'll never been allowed to spend money or pick up people. good people. or keep good people. it's horrifically awful.

I hate MLB. more later.

2004-07-23T17:04:00.000-05:00

heya...you still around? well, Royal Blues has obviously been on an extended break here. unintentionally. but, you know, sayin' something is sayin' something and...it's been awful quiet lately.

is there anything actually interesting about this team right now? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say no. in fact, a couple nights ago I had to pick someone up from the airport, and I decided I'd rather listen to cd's there and back rather than the royals game that was on that night. you know things have gotten pretty bad when that happens.

anyway, uh, while I was gone the royals won some and lost some and I think some guys got some hits and other nights they pretty much didn't and...I'm not even gonna guess that there were any good pitching performances. I still pay some attention, you know?

but I certainly plan on getting this little site back on track and updated regularly. uh, after this weekend. I'm not sure I have any interest in trying to keep it updated daily or anything, but I definitely plan on having more words here. and that is all the excitement I can promise when it comes to the royals.

2004-07-17T16:23:00.000-05:00

well, ok.

it was a good game. for a while. and then it wasn't, but, you know, we'll always have the first five innings.

backing up a bit..

I arrived extra super early to find that nobody felt like taking batting practice today. thanks guys. I sure am glad kauffman opens 2 hours early on weekends instead of 1 ½ hours. really worked out well.

I did get in on the shirts, though. X-large and medium. quite an array of choices. I'll see what I can do to shrink that XL on down to an L, I suppose. though the mediums were totally a better shade of "powder blue".

so, with nothing upon nothing to provide entertainment at kauffman for two hours, I wandered
aimlessly around. just wandered. around. here. and there. around again. there's tha...oh, seen it before. hey, wha...oh, nevermind. as much as I like kauffman, the entertainment options are definitely lacking. I think its biggest problem is also what kind of makes it a nice facility – there's absolutely nothing around it. though, amazingly, it still gets to be a gigantic clusterfuck to get in and out of with only a small number of people. that's what's disappointing. there are no little restaurants or bars or, I don't know, arcades or anything, as the stadiums are a gigantic entity unto themselves. yet the traffic crew can't get people in and out in any sort of sensible pattern, and I always have to take a mystical journey all the way around arrowhead when the parking lot I'm trying to get to is, seriously, a baseball's throw away. I'm assuming the parking lot people quit after pretty much every game and they have to get an entirely new staff in 24 hours. because that's the only thing that keeps me from making a mess when my head explodes after yet another parking person mindlessly thumbs right and waves towards their face while jawing with another of the orange-jacketed automatons.

this is not, however, an endorsement for a downtown baseball stadium. yes, downtown is dead as shit, and I would love to see it revitalized with something. just not the royals. on my way to the stadium, I got stuck in downtown traffic – at 9:30 A.M. on a Saturday. downtown is always stuck. the royals don't need downtown. they just need to come up with better stuff than
their nothing.

as far as the game, I got stuck sitting in front of this group of college-aged, drinking, cussing, church-going dorks. who never shut up. it was a weird combination that proved super annoying. my god.

the royals looked lost on offense. they were totally off-balance the entire day. gobble did pretty well, but after shutting the twins out through five, pitched a ROYALS (tm) 6th inning, complete with a couple doubles and a couple home runs. all bunched together. amazing how other
teams are always better at that than us.

well, ok, it's hard to bunch 1 hit. but we did have a run finally roll across the plate, and, hey, we made a couple errors, so we at least didn't have that ugly 0 at the end of our box score! yep, 1-1-2.

anyway, the shirts are big.

2004-07-17T08:08:00.000-05:00

woah, the last couple mornings have been a little weird here at the Royal Blues factory. a blown gasket here, a hydraulic leak there – it's amazing how many pieces it takes to keep this machine crankin'. of course, it doesn't help when the input I've been given seems so unreliable. take this for example:

Royals 3, Twins 1

I mean, look at this crap – solid pitching, effective bullpen, outscoring the opponent – how can I possibly be expected to get good, reliable output when this is what I've been given to work with? I mean, there are some tell-tale signs that it's not all mixed up, that's there's some actual royals data somewhere in there. there's the potentially costly error in the ninth. or scoring 2 in the first and still only scoring 3 for the game. but I'm afraid I won't be able to give an accurate report on this royals game until I get the real information.

and then, as I was warming up the machine today, I realized it wasn't just a one-time shipping error by my supplier. look at this:

Royals 12, Twins 3

needless to say, I've switched my business to someone who can give me kansas city royals information. I think someone's just went through and colored in whatever he wants:

"dee brown? have him hit a grand slam. aaaand, how about he comes up with the bases loaded in three innings in a row. not the sonic slam inning, though. that'd be funny. mike sweeney? give him another three hits. no, make that four. darrell may? another strong outing! ha ha ha, now were gettin' crazy! desi relaford? home run! I haven't gone too far now, have I? oh well, no one reads these things anyway.."

therefore, in the interest of collecting an accurate set of data, I am going to make an appearance in person at the game today. what's that? no, this has nothing to do with me happening upon that set of company tickets that was floating around this week. yes, this is totally for business purposes. honest! and, unlike "stolen base pillow" night at the K last year, I plan on not getting
stuck in ridiculous "winning royals" traffic and missing out. let's see, I've packed my tire slashers, my oil slick, my smokescreen, umm...oh yes, even the "go-go gadget" wheels. yep, I'd say that's just about everything all right..

"ALL"-"STAR" rambling..

2004-07-15T06:31:00.000-05:00

Royals Win 2 Out of 3 in Baltimore
(ed: Joe, check the source on this)

Darrell May Pitches a Shutout
(ed: Joe, what are you doing here? please be serious.)

Royals Shut Out Until 9th Inning
(Joe: ed, is this better? OPG!)

Royals Score 11 in Series Finale Victory
(ed: Joe, please, people take this seriously..)

* * * * * *

oops, guess I took a couple days longer than I planned on. this team isn't exactly the most inspiring team to write about right now, though I did intend something for the "all"-"star" break. nothing doing, obviously.

anyway, on Tuesday we had our company outing, where we all went and stunk it up at golf. I've quickly learned this year that I hate golf. so about hole #9, I started drinking some beers, after which I played exactly the same. upon returning home, I continued, and figured, what better way to get pissed off than watching the all-star game at the same time...so, here it is, a day late, but here anyway. enjoy!

* * * * * *

on to the "all"-"star" game:

the taco bell pitching guy: seriously, what was that guy throwing? the "girl ball"? the "puss ball"? wait, he threw like a total complete pre-pubescent girl and won a million dollars? I'm speechless..

though I could go for some taco bell.

ok, my quick, first-come words on the "all-stars" and / or why they were chosen:

AL reserve coaches:

tony pena: token
carlos tosca: foreign

players:

francisco rodriguez: world series
miguel tejada: big contract
david ortiz: high profile team
curt schilling: high profile / big contract
esteban loiaza: last year
matt lawton: he's here?
ron belliard: eh?
jake westbrook: who? uh..
victor martinez: I've heard he's doing good..
cc sabathia: are the indians doing that well? seriously, what the fuck?
carlos guillen: shortstop's weak again.
ken harvey: SWINGIN'.
joe nathan: hahaha, twins suck.
gary sheffield: dick.
javier vasquez: dick.
tom gordon: dick.
mariano rivera: dick.
hideki matsui: dick.
tim hudson: just wait till the A's can't afford good pitchers..
carl crawford: good crowd response. weird.
hank blalock: good press.
michael young: what, did matt lawton bring him?
francisco cordero: stowaway.
kenny rogers: "you painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair.."
ted lilly dude, poor guy. that announcer totally gave him a down voice, like he was the very last guy that absolutely didn't belong. I mean, he sucks on my starting rotation in my playstation game, but he made the all-star game, didn't he?

NL reserve coaches:

clint hurdle: the rockies do something good?
jimy williams: hahahaha, the hometown totally hates their manager.

players:

randy johnson: asshole
johnny estrada: hi.
moises alou: tinkle.
carlos zambrano: good press.
barry larkin: old man.
sean casey: good press.
danny graves: please, introduce yourself..
todd helton: "I love colorado!"
mike lowell: "we won the world series!"
miguel cabrera: "that's right! don't forget me in my contract year!"
carl pavano: "I'm here, too."
armando benitez: "I'm not roberto hernandez, I'm not jose mesa, I'm not arthur rhodes...I am ARMANDO BENITEZ. ok?"
carlos beltran: FUCK YOU CARLOS.
paul loduca: see, he's good in my PS2 game..
eric gagne: "I'm here again."
ben sheets: "I make $3.50 an hour...plus tips. god bless you bud selig."
dan kolb: "my last name starts with 'k'. jayson stark: pay attention to what I do, in case it's unusual for a 'k' guy, oK?"
livan hernandez: "yeah yeah, I'm here too.."
tom glavine: traitor.
jim thome: traitor.
bobby abreu: "look ma, I made it! please don't blink!"
jack wilson: "remember my name! oh, it's just like 1,000,000,000,000 others'.."
mark loretta: a guy that deserves to go? I'm confused?
jason schmidt: "fuck roger clemens. ass."

starting manager AL:
joe torre: "yep, I'm here."

players:

ichiro: wuss.
IROD: $$$ ass.
vlad guerrero: $$$ ass.
manny ramirez: $$$ ass.
AROD: $$$ ass.
jason giambi: $$$ ass.
derek jeter: I hate this man more than I hate just about any person EVER.
alfonso soriano: "how do I not break when I hit the ball?"
mark mulder: "just wait till the A's can't afford me.."

starting manager NL:

jack mckeon: "hi!"

players:

edgar renteria: "I play for st. louis."
albert pujols: "do I even play first base?"
barry bonds: die.
scott rolen: $$$ ass.
sammy sosa: you want me to save this wine cork for ya? dumbass.
mike piazza: is he jack or will? you decide!
lance berkman: "I play for houston!"
jeff kent: "and you thought mike sweeney was a dork!"
roger clemens: he's right there below jeter. ASS.

first thing: as far as this roger clemens / mike piazza thing...roger clemens is a complete asshole, and mike piazza is obviously gay. unfortunately, piazza is too gay for his own good, because he's totally taken it from roger clemens throughout this entire ordeal. it would be awesome if he completely refused to catch him, or caught the ball and charged the mound, or stabbed the guy through the neck, or...oh, uh, hey! anyway, um, piazza: stop being so gay. kick his pasty, turncoat, money-grubbing, childish mother-fucker ass.

fantasia's national anthem: good lord. that girl is annoying on top of annoying. can I stick Q-tips completely through her head a couple of times? cause that's about how I feel. on good days, at least..

muhammad ali: I thought he was put into cold storage like ronald reagan until he died. the all-stars closing in on him in some sort of faux "show of respect" was totally ridiculous. I hate those guys.

the announcers are gay, can we just get that out of the way? they're totally lame, it's not even worth commenting on. probably. oh, I'm sure they'll say something eventually that I can't stand and I'll say something. but, I try not to pay attention, so...you know..

Top 1st
Ichiro: double off the wall. sosa has no clue how to play it.
I. Rodriguez: triple off the wall. sosa has no clue how to play it.
V. Guerrero: combacker to the mound. clemens plays it like he TOTALLY had I-ROD at his mercy, like he was possibly gonna turn and whip it to third – posturing like a total asshole that manages to convince every baseball writer he had a chance – and weakly throws to first.
M. Ramirez: laces a home run. yee haw.
A. Rodriguez: you think clemens promised him some sweet sweet lovin' for making him look at least a little bit better on TV by striking out? odds say: yes!
J. Giambi: bounces once to uber-dork Jeff Kent, who's too busy worrying about whether roger clemens loves his mustache to field it cleanly. clemens winks at A-ROD to convince him he's the only one..
D. Jeter: HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE meekly slaps a single into right field. HATE.
A. Soriano: launches a home run! dude's scrawny, I must say. clemens retracts his promise of sweet lovin'. A-ROD grins.
M. Mulder: why the fuck is this guy batting? this is stupid. all you can hope is he nails clemens in the forehead...and they never get the ball back..

*Danny Kolb is getting loose*
his only all-star mention, probably ever..

Mulder strikes out. Clemens kisses McKeon.
End Top 1st, AL 6, NL coming up..

E. Renteria: ground out to third. wow.
A. Pujols: doubles to center. yep.
B. Bonds: you know why people walk bonds? #1, because he's on drugs. #2, because he's a moron and it gets to him. #3, because he's on drugs and a moron. #4, because the rest of his team sucks. but, pretty much 99% of it is the fact that he's on drugs and a moron, and on drugs, and...what a dumbass. enjoy your shrunken testicles, freak..
oh yeah, his BALCO-less arms pop out weakly to center.
S. Rolen: "I only like playing for winners! pay me!" oh yeah, we already did the player intros...
Rolen is hit in the butt. Roger clemens volunteers to investigate for the medical staff..
S. Sosa: pops his cork in half while hitting a pop-up to right. Vlad Guerrero has no idea how to play it. NL scores one. Roger Clemens pats everyone on the butt.
M. Piazza: strikes out. he's consoled tenderly.
Clemens leaves his shower-stall # for him on his batting helmet.
End bottom 1st, AL 6, NL 1

Top 2nd
Danny Kolb now pitching. hopefully, roger clemens is dead.

Ichiro: bounces to first. we'll call him: Slapman.
I-ROD: single to center. A-ROD looks at clemens and gets nervous over another guy with "rod" in his name.
V. Guerrero: if all was right with baseball, there's no way he would have left montreal. but baseball is stupid, it's fucked, and these guys are pre-determined all-stars who can pick winners WITH MONEY at will. well, the "WITH MONEY" part has a lot to do with the "winners" part. more on that another time..
anyway, he pops to center. sit down.
*Loiaza warms in the bullpen* whoopee.
M. Ramirez: the announcers blab on and on about the red sox playing the yankees and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah who cares shut up shut up.
ramirez grounds out like a girl to short.
End Top 2nd, AL 6, NL 1

Bottom 2nd
L. Berkman: I can't keep track of who the astros trade and keep and play and move or anything...whatever, guy bounces to first. later.
jeff kent: what a loser. unfortunately, bonds would totally give him some lovin like clemens gives catchers if he was back in the giants lineup.
lovin aside, he lines out to 2nd. maybe he can do some motorcycle tricks in the dugout between innings!
b. larkin:
announcer: "some of you folks out there may not be familiar with mark mulder." what? you watch baseball? he's only every baseball stat guy's wet dream. they lap his every movement up everywhere, sabermetric or not. just wait 'till his contract's up, and see how much "moneyball" he buys into. ok, he won't, and they know that...but let's see them replace him. come on, oakland. do it! that's what everyone is waiting for..
larkin grounds to ~~short~~ third as A-ROD cuts in front and unnecessarily leaps in the air to throw the ball. joe buck drools. clemens licks his lips.
End bottom 2nd, AL 6, NL 1

Top 3rd
Randy Johnson in to pitch. Please, someone, lodge a ball in that face, would ya? dick.
A-ROD: clemens ~~adjusts his cup~~ claps his hands for his former teammate and soon-to-be yankee randy johnson. he hopes johnson doesn't get the best so he doesn't have to spread his loving to 'ol ditch-face either.
johnson wins.
clemens grimaces.

wait, did I just see a super-gay cartoon animation of a completely fake slider? did roger clemens draw it? who approved this?

J. Giambi: single.
D. Jeter: HATE. singles. die.
giambi wobbles into second, too weak to complete the trek to third. he asks for some BALCO, but instead receives clemens' cup. he accepts.
A. Soriano: singles right past renteria. what, defense is lame or something?
giambi waddles into third. he may have lost all his muscle mass, but he sure didn't get skinny. dumbass.
KEN HARVEY: PINCH HITS FOR M. MULDER. THANK YOU FOR COMPLETELY WASTING OUR GUY IN THE THIRD INNING WITH THE ONLY POSSIBILITY BEING THAT HE WILL BAT ONCE AND DIE.
unless he's gonna pitch. that would rule.
no, he strikes out. you represented us well, ken.
Ichiro: for the THIRD TIME. god fuckin dammit, no. can they die at the same time? no, instead, ichiro spiders away from an actual strike. please, slap something somewhere. we LOVE it. cause you're totally japanese, ya know?
ichiro slaps it to first.
End top 3rd, AL 6, NL 1

bottom 3rd
Esteban Loiaza now pitching. I thought they shot him after last season, since he was never gonna get any better..

E. Renteria: grounds out to third. A-ROD, again, leaves his feet like a puss.
A. Pujols: grounds to the mound. k.
B. Bonds: walks. swing the bat, retard!! you get calls cause you're totally gonna roid rage on an umpire if he calls it bad. and get that stupid fuckin cross-earring out of your ear! dipshit..

old man mccarver is whining about intentional walks, because he has no clue about actual strategy. "I remember back blah blah blah" "how could they do that" "blah blah blah" shut up.
S. rolen: base hit. so?
S. Sosa: this guy's just a dumbass. he gets caught doing something that really doesn't help you anyway, he only has a sense of humor when his translator comes up with something, and, basically, he's a total retard. his defense sucks, his grasp of things is poor, and basically the only thing that should come out of his mouth is, "I am sammy sosa." still better than bonds.
anyway, sosa corks out to second.
end bottom 3rd, AL 6, NL 1

*AND NOW...I'm tired of following the game batter by batter.*
in fact, that Taco Bell "girl toss" event earlier has inspired me to get some food. at wendy's.

wait, giambi just said to bonds: "love you too, baby."

I'm getting dinner.

* * * * *

so, I come back and bud selig is totally making out with roger clemens. what the fuck? houston gets to host their 2nd all-star game in 18 years, and all of the sudden anything goes? get this asshole off my screen! seriously!

those idiots from wendy's forgot my freakin nuggets! PUT IT ALL IN THE SAME FUCKIN BAG. still like them better than jeter.

that gay cartoon is back. seriously, do you think anybody that doesn't watch baseball is watching this? no, they hate it. plus, the animations are completely stupid. I'm sure roger clemens is at least executive producer.

you think johnny estrada's nickname is "paunch" because his last name is estrada? joe buck? shut up!! there's no coincidence to their nicknames being the same!

anyway, game goes on, complete assholes grope each other while blabbing about what an honor it is to feel each other up. joe buck longs for the day he'll get to do it, too. tim mccarver remembers his name. he smiles.

and..

this game sucks.
back with royals stuff later.

2004-07-09T13:09:00.000-05:00

well, as usual, I'll be out this weekend, so no updates until Monday most likely. gee, I'll sure miss writing about this garbage.

in the meantime, greg hall has written a good article to get even more pissed by. I missed "off the couch" when the pitch stopped running it – I didn't know greg hall was still writing about local sports until yesterday. but it's a good read.

I already know I'll miss the game tonight. hopefully I'll catch some of the Saturday and Sunday games, so that I can continue on my path to completely hating major league baseball. to fully get into it would be one long, lengthy column (which I'll probably end up writing one of these days), but, for the most part, it's the fact that every team, no matter how completely ridiculously uneven the playing field is, is judged by the exact same standards. yes, the royals make many bad decisions, but to expect them to compete at all is nothing short of absurd. as much as I hate to say it, I'm really starting to hate major league baseball something fierce. I think it says a lot about just how stupid MLB is when they can't keep the fans that completely live and breathe baseball from hating it with a vengeance. I already do, for the most part. I don't want to, but I do. and as this season continues down the sewer pipes, it just makes me wonder why I even bother investing anything in this team. most of the time, it just seems like there's no point.

but anyway, have a nice weekend! back on Monday with the zero-run report.

2004-07-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

apparently my work here at Royal Blues is being taken a little too seriously. see, when I cranked out the ZPG theory of royals ineptitude, I didn't realize that many of my 1s of visitors were actual royals players. you wouldn't believe the number of inquiries I got from unnamed players who did not want to be mentioned. "is that true?" "who really said that?" "I had no idea about this! those guys never tell me anything.."

so, in the interest of not wanting to be responsible for the complete and horrible collapse of this team, I have to say this to the players: guys, I was joking. honest. I know grasping, um, concepts is tough for most of you, but apparently the "play only one inning a game" thing (later reduced to zero, of course) sunk right in. so, let me explain it simply – repeat this to yourself daily:
hitters: "me swing good pitches. me not swing bad pitches."
fielders: "me catch ball. me think before throwing ball."
pitchers: quit.

checking the KC star sports section each morning sucks. it's not supposed to read like this. and, so, seeing as how "ZPG" really became a rallying cry for this particular royals clubhouse, I am going to change things up. because no one wants to read this garbage (no offense to bob dutton, I'm talking strictly content here), I am rewriting the story to read how it should.
(corrections on the royals behalf in blue.)

Royals: read this.

Royals set franchise mark in blanking of Twins

By JOE BLOW

The Sasnak Ytic Rats

MINNEAPOLIS — The Minnesota Twins succumbed to Royals starter Dennys Reyes for three ground balls in the first inning Wednesday night at the Metrodome. And Reyes didn't even break a sweat after the second.

That settled the basic issue — winning and losing — almost immediately. Thereafter, it was merely a question of whether the Royals could hold on for a franchise-record third straight shutout.

They did, winning 12-0.

Twins right-hander Kyle Lohse, 3-6, allowed fifteen hits hits, most for extra bases, in following blowouts the two previous nights by Brad Radke and Johan Santana.

This is a new high for the Royals. Never before in 36 seasons covering 5,613 games have they held an opponent scoreless in three consecutive games.

Until now.

“Hey,” manager Tony Peña said, “I think we have set a lot of history lately.”

None of it bad.

The Royals only missed a shutout Sunday in a 7-1 loss at San Diego because the Padres homered in the ninth inning.

The question now is will they ever give up a run again? With an open date today, their next chance comes Friday at Baltimore against the Orioles. The Royals' streak of 27 straight scoreless innings is just shy of the franchise record of 30 2/3 , set in 1981.

“You just hope the boys will relax and have fun and enjoy their day off,” right fielder Matt Stairs said. “It can't get better. You know what I'm saying?

“It's not as if we're even trying that hard. We're just not letting opponents swing the bat well, especially when they get men in scoring position.”

The Twins put runners at first and third with one out in the first, fourth and seventh innings. The first two threats ended when Joe Mauer and Torii Hunter grounded into double plays. Reyes struck out Jacque Jones and Cory Koskie in the seventh.

“Even guys who are good hitters aren't hitting,” Peña said. “That is the reality we're going through right now.”

Offense was no problem for the Royals. They rapped out 15 hits, including four each by Dee Brown and rookie John Buck. Brown led off in five of the first seven innings.

Buck had the first four-hit game of his career.

Matt Stairs and Angel Berroa each drove in three runs. In all, the Royals outscored the Twins 25-0 in the three-game sweep.

Reyes, 12-4, surrendered six hits in his nine innings. He gave up six hits, one walk and hit two batters — including Corey Koskie after umpire Chris Guccione warned both benches.

Twins manager Ron Gardenhire protested Guccione's no-ejection call, so much so that he was executed.

Not that it mattered. Peña was already in the process of congratulating Reyes while Gardenhire was carried off the field.

“I pitched better warming up than I did on the mound,” Reyes laughed. “Once again, I was throwing the ball down, and I was repaid for it.”

The Royals also spanked the Twins' bullpen, roughing up Joe Nathan for three runs in 2 2/3 innings, J.C. Romero for two in 2 1/3 , and Grant Balfour for one in one. Only Terry Mulholland escaped; he pitched a scoreless eighth.

Reyes is 3-0 this season against the Twins, which means he's 9-4 against the rest of baseball. He struck out seven and walked none in gaining the third shutout and fourth complete game of his career.

Luis Rivas had three of the Twins' six hits. Henry Blanco, Michael Restovich, and Cristian Guzman each had one.

The Royals have never thrown three straight shutouts since moving to Kansas City in 1969. The 27 consecutive scoreless innings are also a Kansas City record.

“In the major leagues,” Pena said, “I don't care who you pitching against, three straight shutouts is pretty good.”

Even against the Twins, who have now lost eight straight and 13 of their last 14 in falling to 29-53. They have been outscored 103-30 in that span and are batting just .187 as a team.

Has any team ever had greater need of a day off?

“I hope it helps,” Peña said. “Right now, it's the same thing over and over. Nothing that they do is right.”

wow, that was a lot of corrections.
but, does it make you feel better?

ok, no.

Royals Ponder Effectiveness of "One Inning Per Game" Strategy

2004-07-06T18:23:00.006-05:00

Team votes to reduce number of innings played to zero

In a bizarre bit of strategy, the Kansas City Royals have announced a plan to take every inning off for the rest of the season.

"We held a team meeting," a player who wished to remain anonymous said, "and, quite frankly, found that we feel better if we gradually cool it down after batting practice."

Teammates echoed the sentiment.

"Playing games almost feels like -- work, you know?" an unnamed player expressed. "Personally, since we put this in, I've never slept better. No more nagging injuries, no risk of pulled muscles – it's great!"

Citing a precedent set by the large number of teammates currently getting paid while residing on the disabled list, many expressed bewilderment as to why they were not allowed to sign up for the list as well.

"I never saw the sign-up sheet," one player noted anonymously, "it's not too late, is it?"

A teammate agreed, "I understand Joe Randa gets to take a month off right now for his knee thing. I've been trying to get an appointment. I mean, at this point, I'm all about a knee scope!"

A fellow teammate expressed frustration over his inability to see the team doctor for a medical procedure. "I guess you either have to have seniority...or know something."

The desire for surgery has spread among the clubhouse in the last few days.

"I tried to get in with Dr. Steven Joyce first," noted a player who did not wish to be identified, "but he was busy. So then I tried Nick Swartz. No luck. I mean, I wouldn't care if (bullpen catcher) Ruben Rodriguez performed a procedure. Seriously. You know anyone?"

The publicity over an apparent "lack of hustle" – and subsequent trade to Los Angeles – given to former Cleveland outfielder Milton Bradley also struck a chord in the clubhouse. Royals that couldn't get traded or added to the disabled list prior to Thursday's game came up with a plan inspired by this idea to minimize actual playing time.

"We decided to only play one inning per night," one player said, "one half-inning on offense, and one half-inning on defense."

A fellow Royals player explained the rationale behind the decision.

"I mean, you look at (Bradley), and he refused to run out a pop-out in a spring training game, and got shipped off to sunny Los Angeles. And I'm still in K.C. It's outrageous. So, I'm taking 90% of the game off."

The plan, put into effect immediately before Thursday night's game, has paid immediate dividends. The Royals scored two runs in the first and held the Orioles scoreless.

"Then we shut it down," said one player, noting the Royals did not have a base-runner the rest of the game. "It was very effective."

Friday night, the Royals chose to save their offensive inning until the ninth.

"We stopped them in the first for our defense inning, but I guess one inning of offense wasn't enough. Ah well."

The Royals came up short, falling to San Diego 7-5.

Saturday night saw the most dramatic effect of the newly-instituted "One Per Game" strategy, or OPG as it became known to the players. After stopping San Diego in the first inning for the defensive stop, the Royals chose to turn on the offense in the top of the 8th, scoring 4 runs to tie the game.

"We figured, we might as well make the one inning count, you know?" a player articulated. "(Heck), we didn't get a hit the first seven innings, then had Tony G. hit a game-tying home run!"

Another teammate agreed, "We wanted to show everyone that we can play when we decide to."

Having already used the defensive inning in the first, however, the Royals found themselves unable to stop San Diego from winning.

"Well, we had only tied it in the top of the 8th, so we were out of innings we could actually play to win it."

A sacrifice fly scored Kerry Robinson in the bottom of the 8th to put the Padres on top for good. The play initially looked bizarre when the throw to home plate from Matt Stairs hit Ken Harvey in the back.

"I saw Harv going out to relay the throw home," explained one player, "so I started yelling 'OPG! OPG!' Harv finally heard me at the last second and blocked the ball with his back."

"It was close," another teammate echoed.

San Diego eventually won the game 5-4.

Sunday saw more of the same, as the Royals played defense in the first inning and saved the offense for late. However, instead of the making the game close, Kansas City was content to settle for one run in the top of the 9th, falling to the Padres 7-1.

"Scoring four runs in an inning is hard work, you know?"

With that thought in mind, the players held another team meeting to devise a new strategy.

"We were good at 'defense in the first, offense in the last', but felt like that was a lot more effort than was necessary."

Teammates nodded in agreement.

"When we found out the checks keep rolling in whether we go 0-for-4 or 4-for-4, the choice was obvious."

The Royals displayed an immediate knack for picking up on the newly coined "Zero Per Game" strategy, laying down for all nine innings in a 9-0 thrashing by the Twins.

"You go into the locker room after the game, and you don't have to worry about kooky shenanigans like someone showering with their clothes on or anything anymore," an unnamed player said, "now it's just like, 'hey, ZPG man!'"

"It's become kind of a greeting with each other. You see someone working too hard in the cage or on the equipment, you just gotta be like 'ZPG', and they realize they're supposed to be watching the clubhouse TV with the rest of us."

The strategy doesn't seem to have any danger of dying off with the 2004 version of the Royals, either.

"I think we'll be able to keep this up the rest of the year," expressed one player, "it's definitely a team effort, though. You know, 'juntos podemos!'"

Royals to city: "We Suck!"

2004-07-02T15:52:00.001-05:00

Orioles 3, Royals 2

"We just didn't take good swings at (hittable) pitches...When you don't do that, you don't win a lot of ballgames.” – Matt Stairs

“You don't want to take away aggressiveness, but the play was right in front of (Brown).” – Tony Pena

"...after that, their guys pretty much just shoved it (at us).” – David Dejesus

“I don't even want to talk about it.” – Ken Harvey

"And I'm having no success.” – Brian Anderson

not content to merely let words speak for themselves, the kansas city royals proceeded to display a baffling array of weakness and ineptitude against a pitching staff that had, at one point, boasted the worst ERA of any team in the american league. they fired their pitching coach – hey, didn't we do something similar? – and have resided in the cellar of the american league east for much of the year. orioles, welcome to kauffman. sit down, relax, we'll see what we can do to solve your problems.

disappointed that the royals' pitchers merely own the unearned run crown, the royals offense set to work to lower baltimore's team ERA, scoring 4, 4, 1, and 2 runs in the four games. royals pitching also did its part, battling through a particularly difficult two games in which they allowed 3 and 2 runs to ensure the average runs given up in each of the four games at least equaled a brian anderson-approved 7.

but it was the offense that was the true star of this contest. as is bound to happen, complacency sprung from the two runs scored in the first inning, which under normal circumstances would all but put the game away. feeling it had led a rich and fulfilling life, the offense subjected itself to the firing squad without finishing the krispy kremes requested as a final meal. showing no class, the baltimore orioles proceeded to defile the remains of the royals offense in front of a shocked crowd of 22,000, who, sans doughnuts, was content to accept the spectacle of a quiet ceremony followed by a dignified fireworks display.

instead, what they saw was a massacre, a horrifying display in front of both mixed company and children. famed flamethrower Rodrigo Lopez charred the remains for 5 innings, before handing the reigns to the sadistic b.j. ryan, who continued to torture royals' fans in attendance. suspected necrophiliac jason grimsley, a one-time professed friend of these same royals, proceeded to display a complete disdain for humanity, unfurling a truly grotesque ceremony that left many outraged and the rest disgusted. Jorge Julio was given the unenviable task of cleaning up the carnage, and commenced his duties by spitting and stomping his way through. truly, these men have no conscience.

I hear the fireworks were nice, though.

honestly, I don't care what the royals do at this point, aside from continue to run out desi relaford somewhere every night, subject us to darrell may, brian anderson, saddle us with the "good" first-baseman that hits like rey sanchez, and continue to display an astounding lack of any type of intelligence on the field. that seems to be the thing about greinke that *shocks* everyone – that he "may not have the best stuff" (though anybody that can regularly run pitches up over 90 and throw a few pitches consistently well is someone I would say has pretty good stuff) – but that he is constantly keeping the hitters off balance and throwing things they don't expect and changing the speeds, even on the same type of pitch. um, isn't that what EVERY pitcher should be doing? are they all *that* stupid, that a kid comes along that is smart enough to do that, and instantly rockets to #1 status on a major league team? It just sounds to me like all these others guys are doing is blindly throwing the ball up there without rhyme or reason or any idea about what, exactly, they're doing.

same with hitters – you hear praise for a guy that can hit a ball to the opposite field, or how a guy is struggling because he's trying to pull every pitch – um, didn't you learn anything about hitting at any level of baseball before this? it should just be natural, some pitches go one way, some go another. this ain't slow-pitch softball here – you can't always pick where you want to hit the ball. are they really standing up there trying to hit every pitch they get to left field? seriously?

sometimes I just get frustrated when you see the absolute *wrong* guys with the *right* ability. and here we are, stuck rootin' for 'em.

in good news, curtis leskanic still sucks this year. way to go, buddy.

2004-07-01T19:00:00.000-05:00

Orioles 13, Royals 4

i almost don't even wanna talk about this one.

...

ah, whatever.

the royals, once again, made the opposing team's pitcher look like an ace, in an attempt to show...well, they didn't get a hit through four innings. you guys know it's embarassing, right? right??

I listened to the beginning, as 'ol "goldfish" berroa showed off his outstanding attention span by immediately committing an error on the first play of the game. angel, don't you know brian anderson takes any negative, files it down into a sharp object, and immediately starts gouging everybody in the stands with it? so, the first run shouldn't have scored. and then runs 2 and 3 score, it's 3-0, and I had to go in and take care of a few errands.

(cue shopping music)

and, then, I return: "...so that's 3 up, 3 down for the royals, and at the end of 3, it's Baltimore 9, the Royals nothing."

oh, brian anderson, no matter how many times I hear you tell us you know you suck but don't know why, it just makes you wanna...I don't know, fire the pitching coach? sure, that's the ticket! shit's gonna pick up around here now, most definitely. yep. without a doubt. no question..

so, bye john cumberland. I'll miss your grumpy face and apparently ineffective teaching techniques. of course, when you're working with clay, you're not exactly gonna create a sturdy marble masterpiece. what difference does a pitching coach make anyway? ok, watch the pitcher pitch. say, "let's check this out on video. see there? where you threw the ball bad? let's throw it good next time." I mean, I'd imagine a pitching coach ought to have some pretty solid pitching knowledge. did cumberland? who knows. he should be able to effectively work with guys. could cumberland? who knows. in fact, for everything you can come up with, there's no way for those of us sitting at home grinding our way through your kansas city royals' games to really know much of anything about what goes on and how good the coaches are or are not. and even john cumberland's one big moment in the spotlight, the slow, grating walk to the pitcher's mound to say, "hey, what the fuck are you doing?" or "get out" was co-opted by tony pena most of the time.

and, so, with this season stumbling drunk and about to pass out on the sidewalk, we get a new pitching coach, 'ol what's-his-name. I'm bursting with enthusiasm. all I know is that I sure wouldn't want darrell may, brian anderson, and company affecting my job rating.

anyway, i stopped listening after the fourth, then turned it back on later for the ninth, and all i can say is: the royals scored four?

also, juan gonzalez is not dead. but his disability at work sure pays a lot better than mine. jerk.

2004-06-30T16:27:00.000-05:00

Royals 4, Orioles 3

and I didn't even miss any of the game due to near-lethal sickness. nope, I got a phone call in the seventh inning that for the most part made me miss the rest of the goddamn game. ah well, here's the statistics that count:

Mike Wood: 1 start, 1 win
john buck: at least 1 hit
shawn camp: 1 save

who knew it was that easy? throw strikes (70 of 108), no walks (don't get yourself into trouble), 3 strikeouts (uh -- good job pacing yourself), 3 runs (usually ok enough to win). hey, I'm not gonna argue with success. whoops, almost forgot, relaford got the game-winning RBI. um, keep up the good work desi. I'm sure you will.

brian Anderson goes tonight. I can't contain myself.

anyway, not much time today. I will say that, with the lineup he threw out there last night, pena finally got it right for the most part. Harvey ain't a #4 hitter. but, no matter where you stick him, this offense is still punchless as shit. are you sure playing by national league rules wouldn't help us out a little bit in the offense department?

and, oh yeah, apparently Jeffrey Flanagan, ever the optimist, has constructed a line-up for the 2006 royals using basically every early-round prospect we've drafted or traded for in the last couple of years. because those prospects will all totally work out. come on, Jeffrey, let's just keep it light and fluffy like usual. ok?

2004-06-29T18:10:00.000-05:00

Orioles 10, Royals 1

the royals, once again, made the opposing team's pitcher look like an ace, in an attempt to show...well, while, yes, this is embarrassing, can everyone please shut up about the royals being "winless since trading beltran"? beltran is not superman – in fact, he probably would have taken the last couple of games off, jogging to balls, stealing no bases – yes, he can be a very good player, but this team would have lost regardless.

fortunately, I came down with this horrible sickness last night, so I listened to the game sprawled out on the floor, fending off death. "fortunately" because I didn't hear much of the game, only waking up to hear the following:

"Baltimore 1, Kansas City 0"
"Baltimore 2, Kansas City 0"
"Baltimore 4, Kansas City 0"
"Baltimore 8, Kansas City 0"
"..and your final score, the Orioles win it 10-1."

and all I remember thinking was, "huh, they scored one.."

anyway, so, after battling fiercely through the night, I wake up to this:

“I'm still trying to figure out what happened,” May said. “I felt I had good stuff.”

shut up, darrell.

this guy is part of the problem – not just because he's a weak pitcher, but because he just doesn't seem to be able to figure out why in the world he's doing so awful. for all these guys that we're told have a "feel for pitching" or "great baseball instincts", it sure doesn't seem like many of them actually do. you have may (and his prodigy chris george) who, after every horrible game, say something like, "I was really throwing the ball well, sometimes you just have a game like that." yeah, every game. I don't know if it's better, though, to hear brian anderson talk about how much he's sucked so far, and how he hopes to turn it around. the problem is these guys need to pitch with a little intelligence. they put themselves into holes so many times that there's no way they'll be effective unless they just plain get smarter.

so, now, brian anderson is returning to the starting rotation. there's no reason for this, unless we're either planning on getting rid of him during the next month or after this year. otherwise, he's worthless right now. I don't think reyes will continue to be effective, but they know that they're not on the hook for a few million dollars with reyes, whereas anderson needs to come through with something. unfortunately, we have to watch him do that. they're just hoping and praying they can hoodwink someone into thinking he's somehow "regained his form". hey, maybe they could have some scouts out to watch him throw BP to the royals!

and, joe randa goes to the DL. are we missing anything? formerly, maybe a little defense, but not since he was hurt. and, is defense that hard to find? his hitting is awful. no matter how many times I hear the radio people talk about how well he handles the bat, he sure doesn't seem to. just a very average guy. but he's in with god and all, I'm sure there's something in that. at least now we get to hear desi relaford stop whining about never playing, since he'll be playing a LOT...for no particular reason.

have we reached the point where we're just supposed to pretend juan gonzalez never happened?

of course, with all the injuries around here again this season, we get these words of wisdom from 'ol darrell:

“It's a different team,” pitcher Darrell May said. “It's tough to take, and it's frustrating. You work hard, and this is the result.”

how's that groin holding up, darrell? it might not hurt to change the team up a little more..

2004-06-27T22:56:00.000-05:00

all right...as will be obvious very quickly, i'm not an expert on the html or blogging industry. i've put some links on the site tonight -- i figure, a few of you have been nice enough to include me on your sites, and i'd like to complete the circle of royals blogs and send a link back. i'm not entirely thrilled with the way the pre-made format of this looks, so if any of you have any suggestions on how i can make this site look a little better, i'd appreciate it. thanks! juntos podemos! etc..

you mean there's still over 3 months of this to watch?

2004-06-27T22:11:00.000-05:00

what a...disappointing weekend.

in order:
Friday: St. Louis 5, KC 2

the royals, once again, made the opposing team's pitcher look like an ace, in an attempt to show...um, what are they trying to show again? well, greinke showed the fact that baseball is very reliant on unlikely chance and inopportune moments to highlight the difference between a win and a loss. greinke gets rolen to pop out with the bases loaded in the third? the game is anyone's. the royals pretend like they're playing in an actual game? a base hit or two together could have won it. but, no, another team's pitcher "regained his form", and the royals went down.

Saturday: St. Louis 3, KC 1 (10 innings)

the royals, once again, made the opposing team's pitcher look like an ace, in an attempt to, show...um, royals? whatcha doin' out there, anyway? despite denys reyes' best efforts to bowl the cardinals over with his ground game, this game, once again, had the unfortunate effect of highlighting the difference between a bounce here and there or two feet in either direction. I couldn't believe sweeney's hit and the subsequent outcome in the 9th, but, then again, I could believe he would be swinging 3-0 and dejesus would be running immediately on contact in order to win the game. I can't blame either, but neither ideas were exactly the best ones. what if sweeney drives the ball in the air on 3-0? a fly ball to the outfield would do no good, since we only have a guy as far as second. a hard-hit ground ball at someone would likely be a double play more than anything else. a line drive out is bad; a line drive double-play is worse. a base hit is obviously good, but that's the most unlikely outcome. a walk would load the bases with one out, with speedster ken harvey up next. not that I particularly have faith in ken harvey. despite the somewhat still high batting average and talk (ha!) of "batting crown", he just doesn't get enough good contact with the ball on a consistent basis to believe he won't revert back to his usual technique of swinging over a left-handed batter's box curveball, or skying a pop-fly to the first baseman. BUT, with harvey up, one out, and a runner on third, all the same variables come into play as with sweeney's at-bat, only any hard hit ball to the outfield is likely a game winner, a walk wins it, and the only things that completely kill you are hard hit balls at infielders. naturally, sweeney lined out, dejesus was trying to score, and it all fell apart, as the baseball gods have determined it should be this season. if sweeney takes that 3-0 pitch, it would have been 3-1, and then anything goes. it's hard to fault him, because he did hit the ball ridiculously hard, but the "green light" is given too many times, I think. beltran was another guy that always had a green light, and managed a great number of ineffective pop-ups to kill innings. I guess one good thing about having a lot of rookies and poor hitters is that management isn't likely to give the green light to almost any of the players. if only management knew how to use it, anyway..

Sunday: St. Louis 10, KC 3

the royals, once again, made the opposing team's pitcher look like an ace, in an attempt to, show...jesus christ, i gotta watch this?

sad. enough to make you pour a couple bloody mary's and write about it on the 'net. unfortunately, since trevor vance doesn't work for local softball leagues, my games were cancelled this evening, so I had more time to reflect on this one. and, this is what I came up with:

pitiful shit.

I was really disappointed with this game. I watched a couple innings, fell asleep after a few runs scored, and woke up to a 5-0 score. even as the royals scored 3 runs in the fourth, you knew this was never going to be close. other teams justify their investments in high-dollar players when they play the royals, as it seems every star player manages to shine through against our boys. the whole weekend it was scott rolen and edgar renteria and no-names 7-9 in the order...hell, it doesn't have to be star players. it just has to be players.

it's kind of sad to see that st. louis, a town that's only a little bigger than kansas city, manages to field a competitive team year after year, which, combined with a strong team history, continues to bring in a rabid fan base. kansas city has fielded a bunch of nobodies for years, and, despite having a shorter history, experienced great success for many years, and *should* have something to show for it. but, years of bad decisions and continual claims of poverty and aversion to "losing" money on this team on the part of ownership is sapping this team. I think last year's run at .500 is going to do worse for this year than if we sucked all the way through the last 10 years without a glimmer of hope. because the "success" of last year stirred long dormant hopes in the hearts of many of the small number of people in this town, and while most of them don't quite understand the gigantic economic differences, there's still the fact that the owners of these teams are absurdly rich, yet almost completely unwilling to actually spend any of their own money on a winner. god forbid that. but, being worth hundreds of millions and at the same time being afraid of spending a little of that money on something many people care about that you – and only you – have the power to change breeds a lot of anger and resentment. and while the royals baseball club screamed for your money in the form of season tickets, and the need for millions of fans to come out so that the royals could possibly, potentially, maybe-one-day-if-baseball-fixes-itself be competitive, it's kind of sad to see only a couple million dollars ever allocated towards free agents this year. the supposed oakland / minnesota / moneyball-ish philosophies right now are crap. these teams lucked out with the right players at the right time...it won't continue indefinitely. but, anyway, this is stuff I fully intended for another entry, so I will leave it at that.

I'll just say: watching scott rolen, a high-profile, formerly available third baseman beat you on consecutive nights while joe randa flounders in nowhereland certainly isn't doing anything to help your image in this city, mr. glass. by refusing to invest anything in this team at all at any point during your tenure, it sure does make it hard to keep watching this crap.

2004-06-25T13:36:00.000-05:00

after wednesday night's mega-post, i figured you could use a little break from all that pesky reading. anything happen while i was gone?

well, there was thursday's 12-3 shellacking. pretty sad. at least it happened early, so you never got hope that the royals were actually in the game. that's the most you can hope for some days around here.

thursday also saw the re-emergence of the real chris george, apparently the victim of a comical set of circumstances that began with his apparent disbelief of the news that the major league royals had inexplicably decided that they couldn't afford a new uniform for a player that had never been with the club before, and opted to bring up someone that already had one. apparently the "chris george" we've seen the last couple of games before thursday's was nothing more than some light and sound magic, courtesy of the kansas city royal's special effects team. unfortunately, the real chris eventually made his way back, culminating in an actual appearance at kauffman stadium thursday afternoon.

and, just in time for a well-earned trip back to the minors, too! bye chris.

i think if you search around enough, you may be able to find a thing or two about our little carlos growing up and leaving home. my initial take: i think we made out pretty well, considering we had nothing upon nothing to build on except other teams' continued insistence that having one guy for a couple months will marginally improve their team enough to overcome all of the randomness and improbability that goes along with winning lots of baseball games. and it seems like we did pretty good with the guys we picked up. of course counting on prospects really sucks, and there's no way in the world to know how these guys will work out. but, right now, i think there's reason to have some hope.

note to david dejesus: lighten up a bit. you get to play a lot now, so stop trying so hard. and since we have new line-up cards in stock, you don't have to worry about tony glueing relaford's name in your spot. for a couple days, at least.

well, i'm off for the weekend -- back sunday night or monday. good luck against the cardinals, of course. just one question: why can't we just drop this whole cardinal rivalry and start picking on someone that isn't good every year? it sure would help to have a natural rivalry with someone that, um, sucks.

2004-06-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

this will be the first night since I cranked up this little site that I get to sit down and write as they play. it will, no doubt, be exciting. buckle up.

oh yeah: the royals won last night, 8-1. nate field continued on as the (interrupted) closer, closing a game they never would have allowed him to finish had the royals not scored 5 more runs in the meantime, and picking up save #2. way to build 'em up, tony. pitching successfully is never a way to get ahead, of course.

tonight I get to do what I love best: listen to the radio guys...uninterrupted! no matter how awfully boring the TV guys are, the radio team of Ryan and Denny is great! I'll hate to ever see it change.

but anyway, to the game..

6:55 – allard had to take a rain check on dinner last night. I was disappointed, but such is the life of everyone's favorite GM. some day, I tell ya. you'll have to keep in mind that I now have to finish allard's boulevard porters for him. can't let 'em go bad, ya know?

7:00 – is there anyone that needs a gift certificate for dinner for two to [insert plaza restaurant] less than major league baseball players? what a sweet gig:
Q: You hit the ball well last night. Do you feel like you're getting your swing back on track?
A: Yeah, I've really been seeing the ball well lately. I've battled through some injuries this season, but I've been working with pentland and I really feel like I'm doing better at being selective and waiting for a pitch I can drive.
Q: The Royals have made it known that they're listening to offers for many of the players. How does that make you feel?
A: Well, you know, we all know this is a business, and the Royals have to do what's best for them, and as ballplayers, we may not like it, but we know that's how it is.
Q: Well, thanks for your time, and good luck tonight.
A: Thank you.

how do I get hooked up for this? I knew those answers!

7:04 – starting lineup:
graffanino
beltran
sweeney
harvey
stairs
randa
brown
berroa
castillo

the good: tony pena finally managed to get both matt stairs and dee brown in the lineup. at the same time. playing, as they should be. I must mention: here at Royal Blues we pride ourselves in offering nothing but the *best* inside information we can gather. well, I learned earlier that, due to apparent budget restraints, tony's been using the same lineup card the entire season! yes, it's true. unfortunately, when filling out the opening day lineup, he accidentally wrote down "relaford" in pen! once he realized his mistake, it was too late – it couldn't be erased. and that's why desi and his .200+ average manages to show up in the lineup regardless of how little sense it makes. left field, right field, third base, pitc...err, ok, not pitcher (though, if it was on an anderson / may night, we might be better off), but still...you have a healthy stairs ready to go? there's relaford! call up dee brown to play some outfield? out goes desi! when desi landed on the DL, tony carefully took a pair of scissors and managed to cut out the square that says "relaford", and has ever-so-gently (so as not to draw much suspicion) been pasting it in different spots of the lineup card. at some point, he even managed to make "relaford" look like "gettis", which explains how byron ends up inexplicably, um, playing. on the field.

well, i'm glad to say, the royals finally stumbled upon a close-out special at the line-up card company, and are now working with a fresh set of cards! hopefully that whole "ink pen" thing won't happen again!

by the way, I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate kelly stinnett. upon dee brown's return, kelly finally completed his coursework in the Dee Brown School of Completely Screwing Up the Only Chance You Had to Start by Getting Injured Immediately After the Team Gives You a Chance to Play (the DBSCSUOCYHSGIIATGYCP institute. highly prestigious.)

much has been made of this being Dee Brown's "last chance". when did he really get his BIG CHANCE? yes, every time he supposedly was going to get much playing time, he came up injured, but sometimes shit just happens. I don't think he's ever really had a legitimate chance. and, with the unfortunate "relaford" line-up card mishap, he has thus far remained relegated to the bench.

so, maybe he can make good buddies with mike tonis, in the "tony is really jacking with my confidence" club. because, playing every fifth game and late-inning pinch-hit at-bats are a completely ridiculous way to evaluate someone. there is no chance these guys will shine if they're only grudgingly allowed to play. I thought tony played all his players! maybe somewhere, in the translation of tony mumble-speak, I missed, "I play all my (utility) players." tonis is worse off than dee brown. he goes from "catcher of the future" to "low-grade prospect" to...in the majors! and, when stinnett went down – he kept his spot on the bench! seriously, why did they ever bother to bring him up if, when he would actually have to play, you're just going to call up castillo and have tonis continue to make sure the gatorade jug stays full? these guys, really, have almost no chance.

7:15 – darrell may: "I call this pitch the 'darrell may special'!"
ivan rodriguez (after depositing it over the wall in dead center): "shit, man, I can't believe they still let you throw that!"
darrell may: "well, honestly, that's basically all I've got."
end top 1st: tigers 2, royals coming up..

7:25 – graffanino strikes out to open the game. tony pena claps and pats his butt for inspiration.
– sweeney almost cranks one out. Dodgers? you listening? I really don't want to see sweeney go, but, at this point, the way baseball works (which is completely retarded, though that essay will come another time..), if the royals can get a) good prospects for sweeney and b) out from under sweeney's contract, why not?
– matt stairs walks. randa hits sweeney in with a double. um, dodgers?
– dee brown drives in randa and stairs with a drive to center. dee, back to the bench! who do you think you are, desi relaford? no, wait, there's that whole "hit" thing..
– berroa singles. he seems to have relocated "strikes", though in the field he unfortunately has the attention span of a goldfish. he's certainly no "wizard", that's for sure. and, since I can't come up with anything else: "the goldfish" it is.
– albert castillo walks on four pitches. his OBP is through the roof! allard: call billy beane!
– estaban yan begins warming up.
– graffanino strikes out for the second time. hey, what do you expect? he's just a utility player. tony grabs him and massages his shoulders to lift his spirits.
end bottom 1st: royals 4, tigers 2

7:55 – darrell may goes through the top of the second with no damage.
estaban yan continues throwing.
gary knotts goes through the bottom of the second with no damage.

then, everyone forgets to leave the field.

while they're standing around, I'll say: you know, carlos beltran is, definitely, a good player. but I can more easily see him fall off into averageness than make his way into superstar-land. the worst thing that could happen would be if the royals offer up some glimmer of hope (and, even at this point, they're honestly not out of the division race by any means..) and beltran ends up staying the rest of the year. if the royals are never, ever going to be able to outright sign a player you know is going to be at least good (rather than the plan offered up by every wanky journalist that's finally got around to reading "moneyball" of taking chances on rookies or undesired veterans as the ONLY CHANCE a "small-market" team can compete – what, it's unreasonable to expect every team to be able to have a chance at players that everyone already knows can play well at the major league level? – they might as well turn beltran into at least two players, whether they end up ever being good or not).
end bottom 2nd: royals 4, tigers 2

8:05 – darrell may goes through the top of the third with no damage.
end top 3rd: royals 4, tigers 2

8:12 – randa singles. wow, other teams, look at that!
dee brown singles – he's now 2 for 2. tony, what are you doing?? you see all those base runners? what a mess! get gettis in there!!
the goldfish sac bunts 'em to 2nd and 3rd. woo.
castillo grounds out to first, scoring nothing. good thing, that bunt there..
graffanino grounds out to second, scoring nothing.
no doubt tony consoles his players...positively. pena gives graffanino a haircut and a shave (rey sanchez, eat your heart out). looking dapper and smooth never meant more to a guy's confidence..
end bottom 3rd: royals 4, tigers 2

8:30 – darrell may goes through the top of the fourth with no damage.
end top 4th: royals 4, tigers 2

mike sweeney singles in the bottom of the fourth. other teams: that's the kind of production you need! hell, I'd be willing to pay 15, 17.5 million to get someone like that. what? he'd only be paid $12.5 million?!? score!
meanwhile, gary knotts goes through the bottom of the fourth with no damage.
yan eagerly waits for the bullpen phone to ring so he can stop throwing..
end bottom 4th: royals 4, tigers 2

8:36 – darrell may gives up a couple of hits, but goes through the top of the fifth with no damage.

you know, the thing about darrell may...well, of course there's the fact that half the time he *really* sucks, but still...like last year when he was so awful for a while that he got sent to the bullpen – he doesn't seem to understand that nobody in the major leagues wanted him, and, really, nobody in their right mind would want him for anything more than a space filler for a limited time still. yet, when you hear him talk, he seems to think he should have a permanent space in the rotation. like tony should write "may" in ink pen, too! he was mad when he was moved to the bullpen last year, he was mad that he wasn't the #1 starter this year, and he always has some nonchalant, arrogant statement to make when he's asked why he sucked on a particular evening. yet, he's a soft-throwing lefty that's not particularly smart. he just throws (the darrell may special, of course), and either gets hit or he doesn't. he never really does much to make you think that he actually understands if or what he does wrong, or that anything in particular ever actually goes wrong when he pitches. I mean, I like the crafty, soft-throwing guys. but I won't be sad to see darrell go, either.
end top 5th: royals 4, tigers 2

8:45 – gary knotts goes through the bottom of the fifth with no damage.
yan checks the calendar to see if it might be April 1 again.
end bottom 5th: royals 4, tigers 2

8:50 – darrell may throws his first 1-2-3 inning, going through the top of the sixth with no damage. he's obviously forgotten how to throw the "special".
estaban yan's arm falls off.
end top 6th: royals 4, tigers 2

8:55 – graffanino strikes out for the third time. tony grabs sluggerrr's gun and shoots a hot dog at him to pump him up. it works.
gary knotts then goes through the bottom of the sixth with no damage.
alan trammell calls the pen to see if yan is ready.
end bottom 6th: royals 4, tigers 2

9:07 – darrell may goes through the top of the seventh with no damage. pena positively encourages him to throw more "specials" next time out.
end top 7th: royals 4, tigers 2

9:13 – estaban yan becomes the first right-handed pitcher to throw a 1-2-3 inning without a right arm since jack "lefty" mcgee did it for the st. louis browns in 1912. jayson stark frantically researches all right-handed one-armed pitcher anomalies for his "wild pitches" column next week.
end bottom 7th: royals 4, tigers 2

9:16 – tony pena calls for utility player mendy lopez from the bullpen. after being informed lopez is currently in AAA, scott sullivan is allowed to pitch. darrell may pouts in the dugout, only to be cheerfully tickled by tony's mustache.
end top 8th: royals 4, tigers 2

9:20 – someone at baseball prospectus develops N.O.A.R.M. (natural one armed righty metric), a new tool used to measure right-handed one-armed pitchers' effectiveness. the oakland a's farm system, of course, comes out on top.

9:22 – play is halted as the tigers' trainer attempts to re-attach estaban yan's recently discovered arm. after an unsuccessful attempt, yan gives up an infield single to the goldfish and a bunt single/error to castillo.
– graffanino doubles/errors to a fallen alex sanchez. the goldfish swims home as tony pena prepares a milk bath to sooth graffanino's tired arms after that monstrous swing.
– sweeney is intentionally walked. (so i say D...i say D-O...D-O-D-G-E-R-S..)
– harvey singles in two runs. you walk beltran, sweeney kills ya. you walk sweeney, harvey kills ya. you walk harvey..."relaford" kills ya? um, suure..
– sluggerrr sneaks in and starts lapping up the milk bath on the diamondvision's "milk cam". a while later, after realizing he's on camera, he proceeds to wave to the side of the diamondvision screen.
end bottom 8th: royals 7, tigers 2

9:28 – affeldt enters. he gives up a triple and then a run. pena calls an escort for graffanino to help him forget about the night. it works.
pena scratches sluggerrr's chin for luck.
– affeldt closes out the game. nate field scoffs.
end top 9th: royals 7, tigers 3

tony pena then flashes a rare smile. royals win!

and now i know i'm making a difference..

2004-06-21T22:17:00.000-05:00

orioles ~~suckered~~ ~~tricked~~ ~~hoodwinked~~ somehow come around to believe jason grimsley is a useful major leaguer. somewhere, an orioles fan just began his descent into male-pattern baldness. i hope the camden yards staff has plenty of chairs on hand for 'ol grims. a word of advice to the orioles: if there's anything in the clubhouse you don't want broken, just put a picture of a catcher's mitt on it. i guarantee nothing jason throws will come within three feet the entire season..

and, on a serious note:

thank you, allard.

a move of this magnitude should earn a GM at least one day off. so, if you're in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by tomorrow night: a nice boulevard porter and a bowl of beans is on the house! hell, this may even call for a batch of cornbread. i'm getting started as we speak..

2004-06-21T07:30:00.000-05:00

am i not allowed to watch the games? those were some sad performances saturday and sunday. saturday, as we watched byron gettis wing the ball past third base, ken harvey take a lap around the field on his way to catch a fly ball, and angel berroa swiftly pull his glove out of the way of a grounder, my girlfriend said, "i didn't know your softball team was playing today!" i'm glad we were playing on sunday, though, as i didn't have to finish watching that debacle. i realize that beltran had never played in philadelphia's ballpark before this weekend, and playing that hit from jimmy rollins on a hop would most likely have allowed two runs to score anyway, but -- much like my softball team doesn't understand -- sometimes it's better to make sure the ball doesn't get past you and give up some bases than to try to make an impossibly spectacular play and completely suck the life out of the team. it was obvious he didn't get a good break or read on that fly ball, and his leaping attempt was a pretty silly effort. he would have had a hard time holding on to the ball as he crashed into the wall had he initially grabbed it anyway. and, oh yeah: "challenge jim thome and make him beat you" is also a poor strategy. i'm ready for allard to start selling! and, as much as the players cry -- heh, they won't be here anyway! if a tree falls..

2004-06-19T10:01:00.000-05:00

once again, i listen to one inning, and the royals win 10-4 (again). it's like at last year's chiefs-colts playoff game -- the chiefs were down, i get up to go to the restroom, and dante hall immediately returns a kick for a touchdown. when i got back to my seat, everyone behind me tried to kick me back out to the concourse. well, don't you try that now! i promise, until they stop winning 10-4, i'll keep my mouth shut. which, fortunately, won't be too hard, since i'll be away from the computer altogether the next couple of days. but i'll be able to watch the games while i'm away, due to the place i'm staying having, uh, "cable" (not that i would know what that is). the only drawback is that i can't do the "mute the tv, listen to the radio announcers" routine like i would at home (were i able to watch the games...at all), as the delay between the words and pictures drives everyone else nuts. how you can stand listening to the tv guys is beyond me, but after a couple more 10-4 poundings this weekend, i'm sure i'll be able to overlook it..

2004-06-18T07:12:00.000-05:00

well, due to the 'ol "unforseen circumstances", your humble narrator here at Royal Blues has definitely been singin' 'em, since i've been able to listen to about 3 innings total of the last two games. one of those happened to be the 9th inning of wednesday night's game, during which i heard enough scoring to win the game just by that inning alone. and, hey, i was only one day short of posting for two days in a row! of course, with two royals victories since the grand debut of this little space - 10-4, 10-4 - what else is there to say? just: carry on..

curtis leskanic...released!

2004-06-15T22:05:00.000-05:00

damn! the royals making all kinds of odd, um...huh?-type moves.

you're telling me you couldn't get anything for curtis leskanic? i know he's been injured, he hasn't been effective, and all that..but..

i mean, i don't know. it's one of those things that, well..i'm gonna take allard's word for it. i honestly have faith in the fact that he, seriously, couldn't get anything for him. though i still question it. the only thing i can believe is that there's a lot wrong with curtis leskanic that would have been revealed by a physical from another team. much like omar vizquel to the mariners, you just have to believe leskanic wouldn't have passed anywhere.

so...honestly, allard: don't forget grimsley! i'm really hungry for some beans..

so, i've been thinking for a while

2004-06-15T21:26:00.000-05:00

and what better time to finally start a royals blog than now? (uh, blog? i hate that word. yes, i realize i'm on "blogger". no, i don't like it, either) anyway, my royals, uh, journal (i guess) wouldn't feel right if it didn't start on a totally disappointing note in a completely stupid season. royals lose 3-2 to the braves on a jason grimsley special -- either the sinker "wasn't sinking", or the hits "fell in place", or he "just didn't get the calls"...but, basically, i'm not sure i've ever seen grimsley really pitch effectively in a game when he actually needed to (i.e. when he comes in to protect the lead, which some people would refer to as the role of the "set-up man"). basically, the "sinkerball" never sinks. the "seasoned" veteran manages to substantiate his experience by proving that some players never learn much (but, remember that "seasoned" portion of it..) basically, i cringe when i hear he's warming up. i chomp my nails when he jogs in. i'm going bald because they actually let him pitch. i've heard he's a free-agent, and slight (very, very slight!) trade-bait. royals: please stop thinking of yourselves. save me! i can't take him anymore.

and so, in honor of trading jason grimsley, i offer some of the best deals made in the past (courtesy of "The Baseball Catalog" by Dan Schlossberg). allard, this is for you:

Another great hurler, Robert Moses (Lefty) Grove, got started toward the majors by being exchanged for a center-field fence...(ed: allard, you could have saved beltran from lurkingly killing your trade potential..)
The Wichita Falls, Tex., team once traded Euel Moore for a plate of beans. Dallas sent Joe Martina to New orleans for two barrels of oysters. San Francisco shipped first baseman Jack Fenton to Memphis for a box of prunes. But when president Homer Hammond of San Antonio agreed to trade infielder Mike Dondero to Dallas for a dozen doughnuts, he managed to keep Dondero and have his doughnuts too; before signing the agreement, he ate them all up."

allard, i would take a plate of delicious, seasoned beans to never hear the words "jason grimsley" again. as a courtesy for my research, i'll assume my reservation in the stadium club has been made..

2004-06-15T21:14:00.000-05:00

i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley i hate jason grimsley

and so it begins.

(as an odd coincidence, i could have started this two years ago, and it honestly would have started the same way)..