apparently my work here at Royal Blues is being taken a little too seriously. see, when I cranked out the ZPG theory of royals ineptitude, I didn't realize that many of my 1s of visitors were actual royals players. you wouldn't believe the number of inquiries I got from unnamed players who did not want to be mentioned. "is that true?" "who really said that?" "I had no idea about this! those guys never tell me anything.."

so, in the interest of not wanting to be responsible for the complete and horrible collapse of this team, I have to say this to the players: guys, I was joking. honest. I know grasping, um, concepts is tough for most of you, but apparently the "play only one inning a game" thing (later reduced to zero, of course) sunk right in. so, let me explain it simply – repeat this to yourself daily:
hitters: "me swing good pitches. me not swing bad pitches."
fielders: "me catch ball. me think before throwing ball."
pitchers: quit.

checking the KC star sports section each morning sucks. it's not supposed to read like this. and, so, seeing as how "ZPG" really became a rallying cry for this particular royals clubhouse, I am going to change things up. because no one wants to read this garbage (no offense to bob dutton, I'm talking strictly content here), I am rewriting the story to read how it should.
(corrections on the royals behalf in blue.)

Royals: read this.

Royals set franchise mark in blanking of Twins

By JOE BLOW

The Sasnak Ytic Rats

MINNEAPOLIS — The Minnesota Twins succumbed to Royals starter Dennys Reyes for three ground balls in the first inning Wednesday night at the Metrodome. And Reyes didn't even break a sweat after the second.

That settled the basic issue — winning and losing — almost immediately. Thereafter, it was merely a question of whether the Royals could hold on for a franchise-record third straight shutout.

They did, winning 12-0.

Twins right-hander Kyle Lohse, 3-6, allowed fifteen hits hits, most for extra bases, in following blowouts the two previous nights by Brad Radke and Johan Santana.

This is a new high for the Royals. Never before in 36 seasons covering 5,613 games have they held an opponent scoreless in three consecutive games.

Until now.

“Hey,” manager Tony Peña said, “I think we have set a lot of history lately.”

None of it bad.

The Royals only missed a shutout Sunday in a 7-1 loss at San Diego because the Padres homered in the ninth inning.

The question now is will they ever give up a run again? With an open date today, their next chance comes Friday at Baltimore against the Orioles. The Royals' streak of 27 straight scoreless innings is just shy of the franchise record of 30 2/3 , set in 1981.

“You just hope the boys will relax and have fun and enjoy their day off,” right fielder Matt Stairs said. “It can't get better. You know what I'm saying?

“It's not as if we're even trying that hard. We're just not letting opponents swing the bat well, especially when they get men in scoring position.”

The Twins put runners at first and third with one out in the first, fourth and seventh innings. The first two threats ended when Joe Mauer and Torii Hunter grounded into double plays. Reyes struck out Jacque Jones and Cory Koskie in the seventh.

“Even guys who are good hitters aren't hitting,” Peña said. “That is the reality we're going through right now.”

Offense was no problem for the Royals. They rapped out 15 hits, including four each by Dee Brown and rookie John Buck. Brown led off in five of the first seven innings.

Buck had the first four-hit game of his career.

Matt Stairs and Angel Berroa each drove in three runs. In all, the Royals outscored the Twins 25-0 in the three-game sweep.

Reyes, 12-4, surrendered six hits in his nine innings. He gave up six hits, one walk and hit two batters — including Corey Koskie after umpire Chris Guccione warned both benches.

Twins manager Ron Gardenhire protested Guccione's no-ejection call, so much so that he was executed.

Not that it mattered. Peña was already in the process of congratulating Reyes while Gardenhire was carried off the field.

“I pitched better warming up than I did on the mound,” Reyes laughed. “Once again, I was throwing the ball down, and I was repaid for it.”

The Royals also spanked the Twins' bullpen, roughing up Joe Nathan for three runs in 2 2/3 innings, J.C. Romero for two in 2 1/3 , and Grant Balfour for one in one. Only Terry Mulholland escaped; he pitched a scoreless eighth.

Reyes is 3-0 this season against the Twins, which means he's 9-4 against the rest of baseball. He struck out seven and walked none in gaining the third shutout and fourth complete game of his career.

Luis Rivas had three of the Twins' six hits. Henry Blanco, Michael Restovich, and Cristian Guzman each had one.

The Royals have never thrown three straight shutouts since moving to Kansas City in 1969. The 27 consecutive scoreless innings are also a Kansas City record.

“In the major leagues,” Pena said, “I don't care who you pitching against, three straight shutouts is pretty good.”

Even against the Twins, who have now lost eight straight and 13 of their last 14 in falling to 29-53. They have been outscored 103-30 in that span and are batting just .187 as a team.

Has any team ever had greater need of a day off?

“I hope it helps,” Peña said. “Right now, it's the same thing over and over. Nothing that they do is right.”

wow, that was a lot of corrections.
but, does it make you feel better?

ok, no.